Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Hope everyone's holidays are lovely. Tis the season for christmas, kwanza, hanukah, etc.

Christmas day was quiet and relaxed. I have stuff to tell, but I'm tired.

Later.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Because I'm too damned exhausted to do a real entry...


Your New Year's Resolutions

1) Get a pet chihuahua

2) Eat less onions

3) Travel to Japan

4) Study time travel

5) Get in shape with naked yoga


Your Pimp Name Is...

Brown Sugar Tease

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Laka Peni

Sunday, December 18, 2005

In a fit of insanity, we went to the mall this evening. I needed to get some xmas shopping done.

It wasn't as crowded and evil as one might think, but it wasn't easy either. I had a lot of stuff to get done and ended up pushing the wheel chair with bags of crap in it occasionally because there were times when there was no way of wheeling the wheelchair and carrying bags. Funny thing that.

I ended up on my feet too much. Two vicodan later, it's still pretty bad. My knee is really swollen and sore. My belly's hurting and generally I feel like crud.

I found Genny a lot of really cute and inexpensive clothes. I found Russell the gamecube game of his dreams. I found some puzzle books I think both Mike and Russell will enjoy. Genny had designs on some obnoxious princess books with buttons you push, but I was tired and cranky enough to where I suggested that we'd let Santa know and see what happened. I've already gotten her a stack of books -- enough's enough. I bought candy for stocking stuffers and I got one of three rolls of film developed. I have no idea what happened to the other two, though I think I might have left them in the car. Tomorrow, I hunt.

I picked up a few things for this single mom I know with 3 kids. We're going to sneak a bunch of stuff to her house. I got mom a little gift basket from Bath and Body and each girl got a pair of leggings and fancy socks. I have to hit a cheap store for shirts to match and I think LaDawn and I were discussing coats. I need to call her tomorrow and find out what's up.

On a totally unrelated note, I swear when vicodan hits -- it's like slipping into a favorite pair of socks -- warm, wooly, soft. It's hard to be in this much pain all the time. And when vicodan stops it for a while, it's a sweet reprieve.

I think I can sleep now.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I called my mom and dad and told them all the health news.

My mom totally understood about the thyroid. She's been there. She understands what it means to go from a quarter grain to 3 grains of thyroid in a year and a half's time. She understood when I said that while I could die from the bariatric surgery, that I was definitely going to die without it. I explained to her that my doctors had all recommended it. I told her about Dr. B crying.

My dad was another story. He railed and kvetched at me about how I just needed to eat right. I explained that I couldn't have the kinds of consistent lab results that I do with my diabetes, if I was actually eating like crap. I explained that I've been doing what my doctor says. He finally backed off. I felt bad. I finally said,"Dad, I know you love me and that's what this is about. I need to know that you love me and I appreciate how worried you are. I'm worried, too."

There was a long pause, while I held back tears. I said,"I love you, Dad." He said, "I love you, too." I said I had to get Genny and we hung up. Then I went inside LaDawn's and sat in a chair in the dark staring at the Christmas tree weeping.

I just feel like if I start crying right now that I won't stop. I've been crying on and off all day. It just feels like one more straw on this camel's back.

I told Mike that I've been teaching him how to do stuff, so that if I die, he can take care of the kids. He said something about how I should really try not to die and I said that I'm working like crazy not to. I also asked him to please take care of himself and work to make better choices. His idea of breakfast sometimes is to eat a poptart from the vending machine at work -- even though we have bagels, muffins, and cereal. I reminded him that he's in several high risk groups for diabetes, including that it runs in his family, he carries his weight in his belly, he's overweight, and he's Native American. He's agreed to work on it.

I've got stuff to do before I hit the hay...laundry waits for no woman.

I think the best part of the day was praying with LaDawn on the phone.

The second best part of the day was getting my Clay Art stoneware at Kohl's because I could actually get there in my wheelchair. This guy in the store was watching Mike running through the store with me,practically doing wheelies and scaring the crap out of me, and whined,"I want a ride!"

While Mike was checking out, I was sitting holding Genny and kissing on her, the ride guy came by and whined,"I want a ride!" again and I said,"Wreck your knee really bad and then you can have a ride, too!" He smirked and walked away.

Giving it to God when I can is always the biggest relief. Being a smart alec provides comic relief.

Taking relief where I can, I tell you whut.
It's been one of those years. I start to say days, then realize it's been months, and really, it's been at least a year or two.

So today, I get my wheelchair delivered. I remove the arms off it, so I can easily reach the wheels. I am just starting to get it wheeled out the door and the phone rings.

It's the ob/gyn doc. The sinking feeling in my stomach makes me nauseous. We'd said that if the results were bad that she should just call me. I've been checking the mail each day, hopeful that I wouldn't get the call, but a nice little postcard telling me that everything was normal.

She asked how I was doing. I said,"Not well, especially if you're calling me." She laughs and says:"Yeah, I told Donna (nurse) yesterday afternoon that I didn't want to call you and that it was just going to be hard." I said,"I'm sorry that it's not good news." She says,"Yeah, I woke up last night at 2AM thinking about it." I say,"Wow, don't worry me like that!" She laughs. I say,"So how bad is it?"

It's severe dysplasia again. Again! Maybe we missed something. Screw the LEEP, we're talking cone biopsy or hysterectomy? What a choice! I need to be knocked out. She can't do the cone biopsy, but her partner can. I trust her, so I trust him. That'll be ok.

How soon can I do the culposcopy? Tomorrow at 8AM. She needs to get her Christmas stuff done -- because she's not usually in the office.

If the cone biopsy doesn't get it, I get a hysterectomy.

I'm scared and sad and frustrated.

LaDawn and I talked. I said that I feel like God is testing me and I'm just trying to listen to what he wants from me.

So God, I was wondering, could I please pass already or flunk out and move on?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Saw the bariatric surgeon today.

I'm starting vitamin and food supplements/replacements. We'll test and see how it goes.

The prospect of this surgery has me in and out of tears. My mother had expressed concern about that I might die. I have come to grips with that I am going to die, if I don't do the surgery. I'm done duking it out with my thyroid. I am truly done.

He also wants me to get the orthopedist to get me to a physical therapist who can set up a means for me to exercise. This gives me hope. I just hope it doesn't involve vicodan every time I exercise.

Tomorrow is the boy's adoption hearing. I think it's mostly a formality, at this point. We pulled Russell out of school for the day and I'm taking him to see Narnia. In the evening, he picked out a restaurant. I'm thinking I would like to toss a party for New Year's commemorating this, so I'm going to put feelers out and see what people's plans are.

So...terrified of dying, Russell experiencing completion...yeah, that covers it.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

I spent the weekend popping prescription painkillers and resting. Mostly just sitting in my chair. I had the stupidity to work out on Thursday -- it was a light water workout...nothing too awful, but Friday morning, we were circling in front of the urgent care waiting for it to open.

My orthopedist thinks I am just going to have to live with it until I lose weight. My counter is, how the fuck am I going to lose weight if I can't even workout without my knee swelling up like a balloon, hurting so badly that I'm not sleeping, and generally ruining my life? It's not supposed to make noises like this, nor hurt with this degree of pure agony.

I'm getting a wheelchair tomorrow and a blue placard. I think that I'm going to end up having to blow off substitute teaching and I may start up an ebay business of blanket making. I don't see how teaching from a wheelchair is going to work for me at all -- even if it's just part-time. Maybe there's ways, but I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed by the prospect at the moment.

I don't need anything overwhelming any more. I'm too mentally pooped at the prospect.

Monday, December 05, 2005

The knee is swelling a lot and the hopelessness quotient is rising.

I'm making appointments with doctors. I worry I'm in big bad trouble.

My knee is clicky and smooshy and oh, so painful.

Anti-inflammatories don't touch this and I can hardly justify another knee manicure in only 6 months time, though the agony might.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Things have just been holiday rush-ish.

We kind of did the Thanksgiving thing, then the next day bought and decorated a tree.

We still have some of the ornament boxes in the livingroom, dang it.

I feel like I am ever behind this enlarged mound o' laundry. I'm doing it, but it seems like the more I do, the worse it gets. It's kind of like the black hole of laundry. Clean clothes disappear into an abyss.

My knee is hideous. It's swollen, clicking, painful, etc. I've been given anti-inflammatory medications and the prospect a knee replacement sooner than later if I don't lose weight. I'm back to using the old lady carts at the stores. I'm avoiding stores with concrete floors that don't have the carts and I bought a bike, but I've only ridden it once because it's been really super cold, it's rained, or I've run out of time.

I'm hoping to get on it tomorrow if the storm has cleared, but it's rained all day long, though my knee has correspondingly seemed to suck the water out of the air and swell to larger proportions than usual.

I'm nervously eyeing the prospect of substitute teaching. If I'm teaching, I know I can't be on my feet all day -- my knee can't take it, but I am in a 'tween state, in that I am not quite ready for a wheelchair, however, I don't want to end up in surgery sooner versus later. At this point, I'd take the wheelchair, though to keep from aggravating my knee unduly.

Mike asked me what if I come into a room that isn't set up for wheelchairs. I told him I'd make kids move furniture until it was. I guess that doesn't phaze me in the least. Of course, at the end of the day, I'd ask them to move stuff back. However, I think this merits another discussion with the orthopedist. One thing I've been noticing is that walk through the parking lot can be excrutiating, so it might be nice to have a handicapped placard for my bad days and I really think I need a wheelchair as a back up. It might be worth finding out how much it would cost, too, to own one outright.

I am also considering getting a "band" on my stomach -- no, I don't mean a brass and drum section, but rather a temporary means of constricting how big my stomach is to lose weight. It is a lot less drastic than gastric bypass surgery and I need to look into it, as a means of considering my options. I think that would be a solution say for 6 months. I could build up my iron like gangbusters beforehand and find out a way of staving off my ever-present anemia during, and then have it removed and take what weight loss I get from it and keep on going with it. If I have a smaller body, it'll be easier to exercise and move it around -- bike or not and I suspect my poor knee would be happier, too.

Tomorrow is another day to get stuff done in, I guess.

Monday, November 21, 2005

I'm sick. That's where I've been. Sick in bed or in front of the computer. I finally broke down and took prednisone last night because at 4AM, Mike begged me to.

At 5AM, I finally got to sleep.

I'm tired, but I'm better.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Well, I've got bronchitis now.

I just got the laundry caught up and now, here I am again. I'm hoping that I don't end up endlessly sick so much that I don't get the opportunity to get my flu shot.

I bought a midnight ticket to see Harry Potter at midnight on Thursday night. I'm going by myself because I'm the only one who can stay up that late. My schedule's so screwed up from being sick, it's just craziness.

I've got a lot I want to say, but I'm too sick and tired to go there. I just wanted to let you know, I'm not dead, but I am sure thinking I'm going to die soon when I cough.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Everyone is finally feeling better. I tried something stupid last night because I was hungry and then was highly uncomfortable all night long. Note to self: jalapeno-artichoke dip and tortilla chips is a bad choice soon after tummy flu. With my advancing years, I've become less tolerant of peanuts, so while there used to be almond butter, there's not now. I also am fresh out of hummus. Cheese just didn't sound good. Obviously, protein was the desired thing last night, but nothing I had in the house sounded good.

Today, is Mike's profit sharing day. The profits are down, though, so we're expecting a hit. I've already figured that into the budget, but if it's worse than anticipated, then Christmas will be slim this year. We're kind of holding our breaths. We talked about Christmas last night, but without a sure sense of budget, we're afraid to plan tons.

Next year, should be a lot better. Mike's company typically cycles every 3 years, so we're holdin' our butts, in the interim. They've already said it will affect raises, which sucks because it affected his raise last year, too, in a really bad way.

I'm going to be substitute teaching starting after Christmas, so I will be contributing to the household income.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

I'm getting better. At least things have returned to only the runs.

If you've ever wondered what it's like to watch a large woman sprint through the house to the bathroom, come on over to my house. You'd probably be laughing your butt off, which trust me, is a lot better than what I've been doing with my butt lately.

Russell was trying to convince me all day that he was sick, too, but then he ate like a pig and he hasn't hurled once. I told him that to stay home he was going to have to hurl or he was going to school. I also told him he's off Runescape for two weeks because essentially he's not leaving his room to eat, bathe, or take his meds, nor is he sleeping. I think if he was doing those things AND playing, I'd be okay, but he's not caring for himself. Surprisingly enough, he's fine about going to school.

My intestines are struggling to figure out normal. I finally bought yogurt tonight. My stomach is wrecked this evening. I don't think it's as a result of the yogurt, but just how I'm going through recovery. I'm distended with gas so badly that I look pregnant. My gas is so loud you can hear it moving and whining through my abdomen from some distance. I've taken to just showering after each race to the bathroom because wiping all those sore spots is too much. I've lit a candle for my lost intestinal health -- actually, to keep the stench to a dull scream because it's 30 freakin' degrees outside and that fan is COLD and loud.

And yet, the fun never ends.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

This entry is a gross one. If you continue to read, you've been warned.

A couple days ago, Genny had a stomach bug -- she barfed all over our bedding, the hallway, the bathroom, etc. Then when we were cleaning up from round one, she puked in her bucket in the livingroom and then dumped the bucket. She had a couple more rounds, but they were relatively uneventful.

Today, is my turn.

I've had stomach cramps, food's not interesting, and I've had the runs, but even after being in bed all day, I got up about 10 minutes after Mike went to bed, went into the bathroom for my ritualistic runs, and then when I stood up, I felt things adjust in my belly, so I sat back down. I started to get woozy enough to see stars and I yelled to Mike that I was passing out because I'm thinking, "Shit, what if I pass out and hit my head on the tub or something?" And then I started to projectile all over the tub, while sitting on the john. As this was happening, I remember giving birth to Genny and having the same thing happen -- I just was all over the room because I didn't have a contained place.

Because after that, I felt a lot better, which had me keep thinking about the The Hungry Caterpillar who eats a green leaf and after that he feels a lot better.

The really icky thing? (Like this wasn't icky enough) is that we're running out of buckets because both Mike and Russell are feeling a little nauseous, too.

I don't think there's enough yoga for this. I really really don't.

Friday, October 28, 2005

This week kind of blew over me like a hurricane. Really.

I am still trying to figure out how I feel.

Bottomline: No one but us showed up at the hearing. Complete custody of Russell is mine.

The adoption is hopefully going to be done by Christmas.

Everything else is just kind of crazy.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

So tomorrow is the hearing for our filing of abandonment against Bear's biological father.

I just hope he doesn't show up.

Monday, October 24, 2005

I'm actually applying for work that I want. I just applied for a job with a place that works with families and kids. I figured that would be a good match for me.

I'm also getting materials together to apply for my substitute license. I'd prefer to be a substitute -- I live in a place that would be conducive to me working in three or four different counties -- and a substitute position would work around the kids' school schedule. On the other hand, I'd be a substitute and we all know how much abuse substitute teachers can take. We even know how much abuse we've seen inflicted on them as children.

I figure either way, I can work. It might not be a ton of money, but it'd be money and it'd be nice to be working.

If things get bad, I'll go back to temping, but I'd rather pull my navel through my but than do that.

There's so much paperwork. It takes so long to process. I'm going to have to go be fingerprinted, which ought to be big fun. Thankfully, I didn't get arrested for any of the bad stuff I did in my early 20's. ;)

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Today, I felt like I didn't do much. I was just kind of in slow motion all day. I woke up late after going to bed late and got moving late and everything was just later and later as the day progressed.

I've been playing runescape lately. It's got me totally hooked. I've gotten to be a pretty good magician and fighter, but that's about it. I'm bored mostly. I hit this place before in playing and found it just as boring. And then Mike said something and I was all interested again.

Now, I can't remember why I was interested.

Genny's butterfly room is shaping up. Stuff is so pretty and she feels special, so that's all that mattered. She was running through the house shouting,"I've got a pretty butterfly room!" We finally asked her to stop shouting in the house.

I got the butterfly canopy up and I got curtains hung on the window and you can't see butterflies from the outside. I have this thing about not wanting people to look at my windows and be able to determine whose room is whose. I don't want them to see that the rooms are for kids or to be able to determine the gender of the child whose room it is. I know I live in the country, so I should get over it, but it's just a parental weirdness with me and Mike actually agreed.

So we actually went outside and made sure that you couldn't see the butterflies on her curtains from outside.

I'm halfway through the construction of her closet organization system thing. I think Mike's going to have to pound out the board and pole that's in there and we'll have to repaint a bit, but I think she'll be happy with the final result. We're also going to be putting up butterfly stuff we bought for her room to decorate further and her Winnie-the-Pooh light is going to go to charity along with her WTP throw rug. I have to replace her throw rug with something pretty, but I can't find anything I'm thrilled with yet. The thing that was supposed to come with the set, is ugly and expensive, so I need to hunt a little longer and I tell you, my inclination is just to skip it.

I also have to paint over existing stencils of WTP and friends on the wall. So I need to scrounge through the garage and find my bucket of paint and do my repairs.

I also was Suzy HomeEc today -- roasted a beautiful turkey and made yams, stuffing, and gravy for it. I also made a lovely no-sugar added cranberry sauce with apples, raspberries, lemon zest, orange zest, and a boatload of fresh ginger. Both kids liked it -- a feat unheard of in most kitchens AND the husband liked it, and he usually loathes cranberry sauce.

Of course, I got splattered several times while tending the pot, so I really need to think about that whole "wear an apron" thing more carefully. I need to can the rest of it and give it away to my diabetic friends for the holidays or plan to make more. I have such a huge pot, canning it seems likely.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Genny had a purple beaded necklace at dinner and put it on Mike's head and said,"You be the fairy and I'll be the princess because fairies like princesses." Mike says,"I don't know about that. Fairies might like princes, especially, if they're girls."

Then as an afterthought, he says,"Unless, they're from San Francisco."

I piped up,"Well, those fairies like queens."

Mike smirked.

Genny says, "Well, then they would like queens and princesses."

Mike and I giggled and said,"Nope, fairies from San Francisco like queens."

Then I said,"I'd like to be the fairy." So Mike gave me the necklace and said,"Just so you know, I don't swing that way."

I laughed and laughed.
We got up early this morning and took the boy child to get a barium swallow done.

And it's official, he has gastric reflux. We kind of knew that and I'd been cooking to counteract that, but I'm glad we caught it now, so that nothing permanent or awful happened. He's been taking prevacid for a bit now and I'd bought him over the counter meds for it, too.

I don't know if this entails more testing or not. We should find out on Monday.

Mike's now harrassing me to get the same thing done, but I'm waiting until January when our new health account thing rolls over because this is going to cost us big.

In other health news, I'm low thyroid again, so I'm having to increase my dose. It's weird because all the stuff they worried would happen when I took the new thyroid meds did not and I went hypothyroid again, which has fucked my sugars to no end and which means I was right to be taking more thyroid there for a week or so.

The good news is that despite that I feel better and now, I'll get to feel even better, so nyah, cruel health goddess! I'd just like to not have to take insulin in the interim! Maybe I need to leave some steamed broccoli and steamed brown rice on the cruel health goddess' altar. I wonder if she likes salsa?

It's becoming nigh on 2AM, so off to bed with me.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Today was one of those days that when I got up, I thought to myself, "I wonder if I call Mike and beg to sleep in bed all day because I've got cramps, if I could just crawl in bed and die without feeling guilty?"

Then I realized, I'm me, so the guilt would be there regardless, because I know he'd say yeah, no prob and I'd feel rotten because our laundry didn't get done and I didn't clean stuff out of the car, etc. Mike doesn't care and never judges me when I do that stuff, but I still feel bad.

So I did laundry all day. It was kind of quiet. Just me, various renditions of Star Trek and MacGyver, folding sheets, hanging sheets, and getting towels together and put away.

Russell came home at 3 and we chatted a little. Then, I went and got Genny at LaDawn's. We talked for a bit and then, she had this plastic spider on her toaster cover. She was trying to scare the kids and was talking about catching the spider. I was kind of wrinkling my forehead because they were clearly not falling for it, but then she screamed so loud in pretending that I jumped. Then she was giving me crap for jumping. I laughed and said,"Hey, I spent a quiet day of doing laundry and getting stuff done, so the noise itself startled me, not the plastic spider!" Then she said,"It's never quiet here."

All I could think is that I don't think I could handle not having some quiet time. I think the most enjoyable part of my day was hanging sheets on the clothesline. I was enjoying the sunshine balanced against a cool autumn day. I annoyed a male quail in charge of a covey, so he was giving me "back off bitch" chirrups and I smiled at him and told him gruffly to get off my bird house. He flew off in a flutter of wings and chirrups to keep track of his wards.

Now, I enter the house and I think to myself, "What the hell is that smell?" I've searched the kitchen and all I found was a moldy orange left over from cutting the things for the cross-country team -- no one but Mike can eat oranges in our house because the rest of us are allergic or are worried about allergies -- so I tossed it out. Mike threw out the trash, but I can still smell something odd. I have a super sensitive nose, but damn.

That should be a reality game show,"What the hell is that smell?" You put something horrendous under a couple of contestants' noses and once they've stopped gagging, you ask them, complete with audience participation,"What the HELL is that SMELL?!" The first one to ring in correctly gets points. The final round would be weird things -- not easily identifiable maybe in vials sitting on a wheel o' fortune wheel maybe with hints offered. Contestants could get one hint for free, but further hints would jeopardize the amount of final loot that they took home.

I may have too much time on my hands.

Speaking of which, I demonstrated how much time I have on my hands while driving to Salt Lake City. I came up with a redneck vocabularly word passing an exit for Shafter. I told Mike,"What shafter in the fridge?" He snickered appreciatively.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I got up feeling like I'd been drugged and driven to Central America, last night, such that I was sleeping so hard when Genny came in to cuddle, that I had to literally drag myself up kicking and screaming and fell back asleep twice in the process. Sidenote: You know you're a mom when you toss blankets over your child and you make sure while not conscious that her feet are covered.

I got up and got moving and got Genny over to LaDawn's for schoolwork and then headed to the small city to eat then swim. I swam for a half hour and there were a few things I learned about how much my stupid knee hurts, but hell, it felt good and my sugars were better afterwards.

Then I started to drive home and discovered a Walmart very close to our closest store. I got so excited that I drove over through the parking lot to look around and verify that it was open and then called LaDawn to say,"Did you know that...?"

I need a life. I can't believe I'm excited at the prospect of a closer Walmart, but for me, it means less driving to get house essentials. I know I should just sell my soul to the devil and get it over already, but when you drive as much as I do in the course of a week, you'd appreciate closer shopping, too.

Then I came home and threw together a pot of beef stew, some laundry, and a fruit crisp that was to die for -- plums, pears, apples, and raspberries. Next time, I'm leaving out the raspberries, but it was yummy. A little snipped up fresh ginger, lemon zest, and pecans made for a yummy crisp. I made buttered egg noodles to put stew on and munched away.

Tomorrow, I need to cook up and can the cranberries and raspberries into a yummy canned cranberry sauce for turkey. I'm roasting one on Friday because they had a two for one deal. The other one is in the freezer waiting for T-Day. I figure a bit of sugar-free cranberry sauce done ahead for the holidays is a good thing. :)

Course, I'm a bit touched in the head, too. *chortle*

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

So, I was reading a friend's blog and she had this quiz thing up, so I went over and did the quiz, of course. Mine made no sense, so I did a different quiz. I thought the results were interesting and pretty much sum me up.








You fit in with:
Taoism



Your ideals mostly resemble those of the Taoist faith. Spirituality is the most important thing in your life. You strive to live by all of your ideals, and live a very intellectually focused life.
60% spiritual. 30% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Honestly, I believe in Christ as my Savior, but I also believe in a lot of stuff that isn't necessarily in agreement with what's in the Bible. However, the way I live is with the idea that I should always strive to do the right thing and be kind to people no matter what. I'm not always successfuly, but I figure it's a good goal.

Ultimately, I think I end up being what many would consider a good Christian because I do live like that. I feel like with my kids I have to set an example, so I live my life with that in mind. I feel like charity is the one thing that everyone should do no matter what because helping people is what we are on this earth to do. I believe that we are all given opportunities to give to others all the time and that taking advantage of those opportunities is our duty.

I still do it, but I try not to judge folks. I have a wide cadre of friends from several walks of life and with a wide variety of political viewpoints. Some of my dearest friends are avid conservatives and if you know anything about me at all, I'm a bleeding heart liberal, baby. Bleed me dry, and you'll still find the hardcore liberal inside me. I tend to look past the politics and look to what people do -- their random acts of kindness.

Taoist seems so weird, but not far off in many respects.
After doing some research on the net, I've discovered that hyPERthyroidism, like from taking too much hormone, can make a diabetic's sugars go high.

All I could think is SHIT!

I took insulin with dinner, ate a sensible dinner and still had a 178. I piggybacked some more insulin after that. I sure hope the endocrinologist calls me back soon.

I thought maybe I'd lose weight.

But no.

Tomorrow, I take the blood test to confirm this, but I suspect I'm in trouble.

Add to this dilemna that my boobs hurt and my period is due -- always around the full moon, and I'm a miserable witch a bit too early for Halloween.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Gilligan's Island theme song keeps going through my head,"A three hour tour..."

The trip ended up being about 10 hours there and 10 hours back.

I've had people say that I-5 from Sacramento to LA is the dullest trip in the universe. To them, I suggest driving I-80 through Nevada. In the day. Absolutely mind numbingly boring. Every single town has either a West or an East attached to it. So as you're zooming by at 75-80 mph, you're driving by East Bumfuck, Bumfuck, and West Bumfuck.

You have to schedule your pee stops because in some places the towns are an hour apart.

Some of the names of these places are so weird, too. There's Deeth Starr Valley. Russell asked, "Is that like Death Valley?" I said, "No, that's Deeth (Teeth). Death Valley is in California." Next to Deeth Starr Valley is Welcome Valley and in the same neighborhood is Ruby Valley, which, of course, I view as very important. ;)

I kind of had to make up what's interesting in this ride. One thing is that there were several areas of geothermal energy and plants complete with turbines that took advantage of it. I think the most telling sign said,"Danger Scalding Water." I kept having visions of some stupid bit of cattle coming in to take a drink and burning off its lips or something. It's just kind of creepy in some ways on a day when it's 76 degrees to see steam all over the landscape on the side of the road.

The next thing that was kind of weird was all the salt. Like everywhere.

You say, but that's the Bonneville Salt Flats -- there were pools of salt water all over the place for miles and miles and miles, but there were also miles and miles of dried salt beds far into Nevada where there was little growing and far from the reaches of the salt flats proper. Of course, in the midst of absolute nothing, where nothing grows in the intense salty environment is this crazy tree. From a distance, I asked Mike,"What the hell *is* that? A cell phone tower gone bad?" As we're driving by it, Mike says,"No, it's a fruit tree and there is actual 'fruit' on the ground." I say,"Weird."

We stopped in Wendover on the first night because we were tired and got a hotel. What's odd is that apparently there was some kind of big hoohah over whether or not Wendover was in Utah or Nevada and where one draws the line. Because in West Wendover there are brothels and casinos, which offend the overly Christian who live in Utah. Utah apparently wanted to wash its hands of Wendover.

"HANDOVER WENDOVER. An historic meeting took place last week to decide the fate of Wendover, UTAH. The town sits on the Utah border, directly opposite West Wendover, NEVADA, and according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, the two burgs are about to merge. If all the "i's" are dotted and "t's" crossed, Wendover, Utah, will cease to exist because the two-state compact will cede the Utah portion to Nevada. Consideration must be given to schools, parks, social services and transportation -- as well as municipal debt. If it comes off, it will be the first time in modern American history that a state boundary will change to stitch one city to another state, says a spokesman for the process." from State Net

Personally, Wendover and West Wendover were just exits with places we could pee or eat, so the casinos and brothels had little impact on us. Nevada has fewer taxes than Utah, so I guess I'd rather be a Nevadan than a Utahan. Not to mention that Utahan is hard to say.

There are apparently three or four prisons on the route, too. Several signs warn against stopping because it's a prison zone. I'm thinking, if I'm driving 75-80 mph on up and some guy in an orange jumpsuit is hitching on the side of the road, the chances are, I'd blink and miss him along with half the places on this route.

My final comment regarding the driving part of the trip: The going joke between Mike and me: "I'll pay you $20 if you find a Catholic Church in this town (Salt Lake City)." Never have I seen so many Mormon Churches. How do you identify a Mormon church? It'd be the steepled building with no crucifix.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I'm about doing laundry til I puke today. Tomorrow, I take the packed van, pick up the girl around 1115 at daycare, pick up the hubbins at work around 1145, and the boy at noon and then we head for Mel's.

We're going to a Princess tea party. Please gag me, but yes, that's what we're doing. It's Lulu's birthday and we'd said some time ago that we were going to go. Russell has asked if he can bring his gameboy, I also suggested that he could stay at the hotel and do his homework, if he was going to be a snot. He quickly stated that no, he would not be a snot.

I bought a gift for her younger brother, whose birthday was a couple weeks ago. I figure he's young enough at two to not quite get why he doesn't get gifts and she does. I bought him a gi-normous tonka truck, which I am pretty sure, he'll adore. I got her one of those unfold it fabric princess trunks, a princess strobe light, and a Ken doll. Her mom is getting her a princess doll, so I figured she'd probably need a prince, so that they could marry and live happily ever after.

I've got nutritious snacks for the trip -- no crap, so that I can actually keep my sugars reasonably managed and so the kids don't end up cranky from crappy fatty salty food. I got carmel corn cakes, carrot sticks, celery sticks, cheese chunks, and fruit. I got propel because it doesn't have a bunch of sugar in it and because the kids like it and it'll keep everyone hydrated. I got diet soda for me and mountain dew for Daddy because I figure 8 hours of driving will require caffeine. I'm also packing bottled water. Because the weather is supposed to be touchy this weekend, we're also going to pack winter coats. If you can think of anything I forgot, of course, lemme know. ;)

Oh, yeah, the kitchen sink! Shit. I'm going to have to repack EVERYthing. Heh.

My biggest problem with packing is that I have no idea what I will want to wear, so I end up packing about three times the clothes that I actually need, and invariably forget some important component to a family member's wardrobe. Last time, I didn't pack enough socks for Mike and Bear, so we found a local Walmart and bought socks.

My sugars are better today. I tested and they were 106 at 7AM. I went back to sleep and they were still 106 at 10. At brunch, I was careful -- a couple slices of pizza and a big salad. I told Mike that I don't understand my need to sleep until 10-1030 daily. It's just plain weird. He said that I should go to bed earlier. The trouble is that I am such a night owl that I get a lot more crap done at night, so I prefer to stay up to do it. I just feel guilty and naughty sleeping in so much.

I'm also thinking that the burgundy curtains on the northeast side of the house aren't helping. My already cave-like room becomes darker and cozier, so my light clock is all confuzzled. I'm thinking to change out the curtains to sheers, so that we retain the privacy, but gain some of the light.

I need to stop dawdling at the computer and head out to get Genny.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Lately, I've been so tired and things are hurting in weird places.

I haven't been checking my sugars much, but I pulled one last night -- a 145. For me, that's kind of high before bed. I usually like to have my sugars more around 100-110 before bed. So I took an extra glucophage. This morning, they hadn't dropped much only 129 -- again high for me.

Around 4PM, I took my sugars and they were 93, and I was hungry, so I had a small slice of apple pie. Three hours later, they were 188! I was stunned. I haven't had a sugar that high since I took prednisone!

I took a little 70/30 insulin to bring it down. Two hours after dinner, my sugars were 122. Kind of high for me.

I biked a little on the exercise bike and now, they're 106, but damn. Makes me wonder what the heck?

I'm going to get up at a decent hour and do a quesadilla with a pound of salsa for breakfast. I'll have a sandwich for lunch with a small apple, and then dinner will be Hamburger Helper with ground turkey and veggies and I'll track the sugars.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Today was Bear's last run.

Just shy of the finish line, he started to stop and said,"My back hurts!" I said,"So, come on! You can beat your mom, so RUN!"

We started running together, and he dusted me and then he got over the finish line. Mike snapped a picture.

I got up there and he triumphantly said,"Mom! I'm not last! I beat like 10 people!"

Nevermind that he was 146th of 157, that simply didn't matter a whit to him. He finished and he wasn't last and that was all that mattered to him.

I don't think you could have wiped the smile off that kid's face. He was so happy.

I'm just about the proudest mom in the entire universe, in case you were wondering. My motto is: "I don't give a crap how fast he is, as long as he finishes."

Monday, October 10, 2005

I got up at 520AM to pee -- hell, I wasn't sleeping much anyhow and called my parents. They were okay, but scared. A lot of people were missing and some people had died. They'd managed to keep their electricity and phone, but water had blown across the road by a culvert on one of the roads that they use to leave the farm.

My dad's rain gauge had measured nearly 9 inches of rain before it overflowed. My dad estimated closer to 11 inches of rain over the weekend.

Their boat had lost its mooring at Spafford Lake, a place where the main road had simply washed away. A neighbor had tied the boat to a tree, but my parents were worrying that if they didn't get the boat that the boat would be stuck on top of the neighbor's pier when the water receded and they'd never be able to get it out of there. The water had been 5 feet up, but had dropped to 3 feet, so it's going down, but the fear in my mom's voice really did a lot to add to my feeling of dread and helplessness.

After much detouring and driving around to get there, they retrieved their boat and waited for hours for the marina folks to detour and drive around to get it. The boat is put up and they got home safe after hours and hours of driving, when it should have only been 1-2 hours of driving. My mom called me at 10PM her time and said they'd gotten dinner at 9, she was washing dishes and heading to bed.

She was so upset. She said Alstead was flattened. She said that most of the people wouldn't have thought to have flood insurance -- the Connecticut River wasn't the problem, it was all the small streams and rivers that overflowed and caused all the flooding. New England is kind of like a rainforest and is full of these small streams and brooks. With that much rain, all of those small babbling brooks became roaring rivers tearing away the foundations of homes.

My mom said neighbors of theirs on the lake are missing. This couple's house is intact, but their truck was in a river and they were nowhere to be found.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

I just heard a news story on the 11 o'clock news that said that there was severe flooding in my home town area and that the Governor of New Hampshire has declared a state of emergency there.

Two people are dead, and there are several missing. Lots of roads and bridges are out.

What you have to understand is that there aren't a detour routes in New Hampshire. Basically, there's one road to most places and maybe one back route and several of those places are simply unreachable. I looked at a map of the area and compared that against a newspaper article of all of the roads and bridges that are gone and it's pretty freaky. I know that there are places my mom won't be shopping any time soon.

I can't call my parents because it's 230AM there, so I'd be taking my life into my own hands. I also know that they didn't mention our town, but several surrounding towns and that my parents' farm is on a hill, so while they may have some flooding they're not likely to be cut off from anything. Also, our town wasn't listed as one of the ones affected in any of the stories, just Keene, which is the big main tow.

However, the main town where my mom and dad get groceries had flooding of 4-6 feet, so I don't know if they'll be able to get what they need for a few days anyhow.

Mike was all jazzed because he set up a recumbent bike, for me and spent a couple hours doing so, and I'm in here bawling and searching the internet for information rather than using it. Tomorrow, after I talk to my mom, I'll go use it. I promise.

I'm just freaking out until tomorrow morning.

Friday, October 07, 2005

It's a lazy meme stolen from Robyn

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you? D. H. Lawrence, Harry Connick, Jr., and O. Henry. It's also a rather infamous day -- the day the World Trade Centers blew up and the day Hurricane Iniki hit Kauai -- filmed in "Jurassic Park." 9/11

2. Where was your first kiss? Some kind of camp thing when I was about 14. I kissed a 17 year old named J.W. who was hoping to get some. I was young enough and naive enough to completely freak out and turn him down.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? Seriously, no.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yes. I smack Mike when he's giving me a hard time. He laughs at me. Basturd.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Yeah, in church when I was a teenager.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? His eyes, his hands, his brain, and his sense of humor.

7. What really turns you on? To the tune of "These are a Few of my Favorite Things," Vibrating butt plugs and men who look like thugs....heh. Like I'd really put *that* on the internet. If you want something innocent - I get turned on spiritually by a beautiful sunset, watching quail, and watching stars.

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Venti sugar-free vanilla latte with 2%, mint mocha frappucino (when I need my daily caloric intake), and a tall pumpkin spice latte (if I don't care how high my sugars go.

9. What is your biggest mistake? Believing that I don't make mistakes.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? No, I do a fine job of that without intention.

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I really like my "Queen of the Freakin' Universe" sweatshirt.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? When I was young and skinny, I was told I look like Lauren Bacall.

13. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? Yes. I have children. I'm kind of screwed that way.

14. Did you have braces? Nope, but it was a narrow escape. My teeth magically grew together and straight.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? The question is more along the lines, of what hasn't he done for me that I wish for? And, really, I can't think of anything. Mike's pretty cool that way.

17. When do you know it’s love? I used to think I was in love and then I met Mike. I think for me, I knew it was love when I just felt calm and happy about him. There were no flutters nothing crazy, just it felt like everything just clicked into place and I loved him.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Spanish is a second language I'm pretty fluent in. I can read German and I know a few phrases in Polish and Russian. I had a year of Latin, but I remember little of it.

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

20. What magazines do you read? Better Homes and Garden, The New Yorker, and Life.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yes. I got driven to school in one a few times.

22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? My grandfather died a couple years ago before I got the time to see him. Broke my heart.

23. Do you watch mtv? Not enough to merit mention.

24. What’s something that really annoys you? When Russell has one of his weird little schizo moments, where he freaks out about either spiders, snakes, scorpions, mice, or bees. Tonight, it was cold and he was swearing up and down there was a black widow on the front step. "Just go inside, Russell." "I think it's a black widow. It's definitely a black spider." In my head, I'm thinking, it's cold enough to freeze my big fat butt off, I'm thinking large clump of soil, here.

25. What’s something you really like? Cooking for people. Doing things for people that I know they'll appreciate. Massages. Sewing. Making out with Mike on the couch.

26. Do you like Michael Jackson? I liked his music, but now, I just think he's a sick bastard who should be castrated and ignored.

27. Can you dance? Yes. I took tap and ballet. I can dance. I also can follow a lead and dance quite well in almost anything.

28. What’s the latest you have ever stayed up? I pulled all-nighters in college several times.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Not yet.

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? God forfend, I do. It's kind of like a train wreck. I just can't pull my eyes away.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Some days, all I do is run from the time I get up, until the time I go to bed. Today, was one of those days.

I got up at 645, did Genny's hair, pestered kids to make sure everyone had their assorted crap -- snacks, water, track clothes, etc., peed, checked email, and returned to bed. I slept til 10. I know that you're saying, but you slept til 10, but I was up til 1AM, so not a big deal.

At 1020, I got in the shower, got dressed and proceeded to spend a lot of time dinking around in the garage looking for the stain for Genny's bed, which I had stripped of its plastic and cardboard. I found the stupid paint brush, but not the stain. I went to the local feed/hardware place and their stains were not cool, so I had brunch. When I got back in the car, LaDawn had called and asked if I'd burned her CD's.

D'oh!

I ran home and started finding files and burned her CD's. Whilest she waited on me, she got Genny to me, so I could run her to the small city and take her to the pediatrician because lately, she's been such a turd, that we think she's either ADHD or sick. I'm guessing sick, though, with my kids you never know. On the way to the pediatrician, I break the fucking mirror on the passenger side of the van because I misjudged a turn and smacked the little reflector thingy. Shit, shit, shit!

Pediatrician and I discuss that the little spot on her ear is not meritorious of antibiotics, but that she's probably suffering from allergies like the rest of us schmucks. I run to drugstore to drop off scripts -- it's going to be at least 40 minutes.

I run to the only hardware store to have the stupid stain I can't find and purchase said stain. I then run to the other end of town to get the stupid decorative pumpkins actually in the box. When I purchased the box initially, I got the display box and the stupid pumpkins were actually ON DISPLAY and not in the damned box. While there, I picked up groceries for family and track team.

Pile groceries and aggravating 5 year old into van, call Chevrolet dealer because I know the stupid mirror is a GM fucking part and drive to pharmacy to get meds. Get meds, drive to dealership to order part and disconnect electronic mirror. Drive home. Get home and get greeted by 12 year old who tells me,"Oh, by the way, Open House is tonight at 6." Knowing child is bad with times, check school website and determine that no, it's at 630PM and that at the current time of 510 PM, I'm going to have to drive to the big city and meet Mike for dinner at Denny's, give him the kids (cuz kids aren't allowed at the Open House) and go to Open House.

Get to Open House and determine that I don't need to meet all of Russell's teachers and get syllabi (which I have already done and received) and lose an hour of my life. Briefly talk to Social Studies teacher regarding Bear's missing assignments, and drive back home.

Get home, tell Mike what Russell needs help with and have him do so.

Check bank account stuff, pay bills, determine (OH SHIT) that I apparently forgot to pay one stupid freakin' bill, cuss a bunch, pay said bill and a couple others. Project budget out to February. Discuss Genny's room decor and ideas with Mike. Discuss Xmas ideas and plans with Mike.

Feel overwhelmed at being unemployed and overwhelmed at getting a job when I'm always so freakin' sick.

Shit my pants a bunch about it and then go to bed.

How was your day?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I'm just feeling kind of so-so lately. When I was taking more of the thyroid, I felt better, but I was kind of worrying because it seemed like a lot and I was up at night. It was also when I was barely able to breathe, so I haven't gone back to trying the same dose while relatively healthy.

Right now, the brushes, native to this state sagebrush and rabbitbrush are in full bloom and basically, everyone feels like shit for about a month and a half. Mike, the healthy one, has a dribbly nose from the stuff.

I feel kind of like a slave to the house. I don't feel like I can leave for much time because otherwise, I have a hard time sleeping with the asthma junk. Tomorrow, I have to stain Genny's bed outside, so I think I might get up and do that early when it's cold and the pollen is going to be frozen, too. I hate cold hands, but I'd rather just get it done. Her current bed is the $100 cheapy canopy we got at a discount furniture store and it keeps falling apart, so I've got to get the new one stained, so we can get it in her room. I'm actually looking forward to cleaning under her bed and rearranging her room to be neat and tidy for her, too.

What she doesn't know, is that I'm going to be dumping out a bunch of the broken happy meal toys, hiding away the cute wooden toys, and finding a low-lying table at a thrift store to paint and then put the dollhouse on. I'm going to remove her old bureau, put an organizing system in her closet, and use the captain's bed to store her clothes. She desperately wanted a bunk bed, but I figured she could be had for one of those chairs that folds out or a twin size fold up futon. I'm going to do a little poking around to see what I can find.

I am getting really good at this home decorating thing. I think it's probably related to all of those times I've fallen asleep while sick during hgtv -- all that stuff is buried in my unconscious mind. If I start knocking out walls, run, m'kay?

Monday, October 03, 2005

After such a productive weekend, today by comparison seemed like a total blowout.

I heard Genny get up around 8 and decided I'd just lay there until she came in. Well, I fell sound asleep until she woke me up at 1030. Bad mommy.

So I got her to LaDawn's by 1130. Then headed up to the big town to have lunch with Mike. After lunch, I made a run at Walmart and then to the school to pick up Russell and take him to yoga. After yoga class, I drove him to the school for cross-country practice, waited for him to finish and then lead his team in stretching. Then I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up meds and then drove his teammate home, picked up Genny, and then came home. I no sooner had walked in the door, emptying the car as I went, then the Schwann's guy came. I was thinking about how much I didn't want to cook, so I bought blackened chicken alfredo, put some brown and serve garlic baguettes in the oven and steamed up some broccoli to toss in the alfredo.

Tonight, I framed and hung two Star Wars posters that I found at Walmart for Russell; one Jedi and one Sith. He enjoyed looking them a lot less than he liked his new Xmen game, but he seemed to appreciate them as much as he could in the face of his new game.

Twelve year olds!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

We finally got Russell's room clean and organized. Heck, the whole house is looking pretty good right now. I told Mike tonight that the fact that the house is looking good is really a good sign that I'm actually feeling better.

Russell's room was callthehealthdepartmentholyshit gross.

He did most of the cleaning and got a lot of stuff out, under Mike's auspices, because I was just too damned mad. I know that's stupid and immature in some ways, but I'd been on his ass for a month and he kept making it sound like I was just jerking him around. I finally said that if he didn't have it cleaned up by the time we held his birthday party, I'd send all the boys home by 11. With that fire lit under his butt, he did a pretty good job.

However, I think it's telling that when I went in to organize things today, that I still hauled out over two big bags of trash out. We also found a half-eaten balance bar under his computer desk. I had to take the vacuum around the edges of his room to get all the food and crumbs up. We gave him a computer desk as well as a work desk. We placed the printer paper under his printer and we put his printer some place he cannot easily drop stuff into his printer to mess it up.

We made placards to stick into the handles of his dresser that label what is in each drawer. I still have to make placards for the boxes we put on his shelves to hold various items -- one box holds the magic the gathering cards, one box holds pokemon cards, another holds yu-gi-oh cards, and others hold bey blades stuff, and assorted crap that he didn't want to part with, but that kind of ends up in a nameless pile. I may further organize that tomorrow for him. I'll see how inspired I get. I'd really like to sew and I'd really like to bake and can a little.

At this point, I can actually identify what is under his bed and I removed all the food crumbs and wrappers.

I decorated for him. I put up the Bobafet mask and the Bobafet ray gun. I put up his Chinese hats and coins. I put up his rocks on a placard. I put up pictures of him and his best friend. I put up a picture of the much-mourned Cowboy kitty and one of the still kicking Kitty Girl because he said he wanted to keep it and because he wanted to be able to look at it.

It's hard being so connected to this child sometimes. Today, was not one of those times.

I could feel him floating every time he came into his room. At one point, he came in to work on his computer versus ours, while I was in there sorting things, and there was a pile of stuff in the room. I could tell, he felt overwhelmed by it. Then as he came in later, I could feel him, just glancing around like he couldn't believe it was his. When I moved his TV, so he could see it from bed, he was so happy.

When I stripped his bed, made his bed with clean sheets, and turned down his bed, and showed him it, he said,"Wow, how warm and cozy!"

I asked him, "How does it feel when you come in here now?" He said,"It's so amazing. I feel like I can concentrate and get stuff done."

I smiled and said,"What do you think will happen, if you let it go?" He said,"I will be grounded until I'm 18?"

I said,"More like til you're dead."

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I kind of hit the wall today with my asthma.

Kind of like you know you're a redneck when....

Well, you know you're an asthmatic when...

You have to ride around the supermarket with a 5 year old in one of those stupid old lady carts that beeps when you back up.

You huff and puff just to get to the freakin' bathroom.

Getting out to the garage to do laundry is soooo sooooo fucking far.

Walking to the mailbox took determination and grit.

Walking back from the mailbox took kneepads.

The idea of taking the shop vac and sticking it down your throat to pull all the crud out of your lungs sounds like a fantabulous idea.

Shopping on the net is too far to walk.

Some people may not leave home without their American express, but you don't leave home with out your inhaler, your spacer, a tupperware container full of ice and insulin, several syringes, a blood kit, BUT...

...you forget your wallet.

Off to bed.
Why at 4AM am I here typing?

I've got bronchitis. Bear and I have been sick since the weekend and I woke myself up coughing. The room is hotter than hell from running the vaporizer and I'm worrying about the Bear.

I think his meds are fucked. I called his psych yesterday about it because he's a disorganized mess and freaking me out. About a month ago, he cleaned his room really well -- spotlessly, and it's now completely "call the health department" trashed. It looks like he poured goldfish under his bed and there's snack wrappers and half eaten food. Much of it fell into boxes stored under his bed, which are now full of filthy dirty clothes. His closet, which holds his dresser, looks like it's vomiting clothing. What's worse is that in order to walk in his room, you have to wear shoes or risk cutting your feet. As a diabetic, I kid you not.

I looked at him and said that I simply don't understand how he can function. He admitted that indeed he cannot. Hell, I can't function with that next door.

I think we managed to freak him out about the food because we explained to him that mice are attracted to that kind of filth, so as he was shaking the food off the clothes to put the clothes in a basket to be washed, he was freaking out about finding vermin. I now understand why there was a fucking mouse nesting in my closet. I had scoured my room looking for the food that attracted it. Not. My. Room.

Shudder.

What's worse is that his personal hygiene is really awful. You have to stay on top of him to make sure he:

  1. Showers

  2. Actually shampoos his hair

  3. Actually washes his face

  4. Actually puts on clean clothes



Last night, we talked to him at length about him simply washing his hands and face after each meal and every time he eats at school because he's constantly walking around with a messy face. We explained that while we'd expect that of someone substantially younger that we would hate for someone to make fun of him for that at school. He asked, "Why doesn't anyone say anything?" Mike told him about a kid that smelled like poop when he was in school -- he said, "No one felt comfortable telling him something like that, particularly teasing him about it."

You could tell that that had sunk in -- being compared to the poopy kid. I also told him that I had emailed the school nurse. Part of it is that he has a zit the size of a small country on his chin -- and if he actually washed his chin that he might not have it. I know some of this kind of stuff can be par for the course in the transition from kid to teen, but GROSS! I'm so close to calling the Regional Center to get help.

We've also been discussing with him stuff like, how to eat a sandwich. Otherwise, he kind of shoves it into his face all at once. It is the most appalling means of eating I've ever seen. I think it's fairly new or that maybe he was so young that we didn't notice before, so we've been teaching him to eat from side to side on a sandwich or burrito or burger. It's completely freaky. LaDawn mentioned it after going to McDonalds with him, after I said something about it. I think it's fairly new, but maybe it's just that he was so young that it wasn't a big deal, but it's freaking me out now.

It's all this and more that is making us worry over his meds. I hope things improve. This is the grossest phase he's ever gone through, that's for sure.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Vegas...

Day 1: We left for the airport and got halfway there and realized Genny forgot her glasses. We called the window guy and asked if he'd fed ex them to us. We went to the Luxor and went on one of those sit in the seat that jiggle and have the theater move around you things. It was fun, but I'm not sure it was worth the $40 for all of us to do it. We also stopped at little shops and stuff along the way from the Mandalay way. I found a dress that would fit Genny for $158 dollars -- it was a denim jumper that was very cute, but I could buy a lot more jumpers at Walmart for that amount of money. Nonetheless, Genny doesn't own that jumper.

We ate at a fancy hamburger place. They had a hamburger that ran $60 that had goose liver pate and truffles among other things. Our burgers were more along the $8- 10 range, but they were really good. Expensive, but good. For dinner, we were tired, so we ordered Domino's pizza, a salad, and a couple liters of soda, watched "Batman Begins" in the room. Genny fell asleep in Mike's arms -- way cute.

Day 2: We went to the Vegas Outlet. I found a lot of good deals and bought Bear a pair of swim trunks, so we could swim at the Mandalay Bay Pool. Gosh, their pool is amazing. Their wave pool, isn't one of those wimpy wave pools, it really seems more ocean-like I think because of the size of the swells, and the current they generate under the water. To be in a pool with undertow was way cool. Their lazy river was very nice,too. I spent a good hour circling in that and really liked the waterfall beating down on my back -- best massage I've had in a bit. We took the kids to the Vegas Hofbrau for dinner, where we all enjoyed participating in German drinking songs, the beer was actually drinkable, and I sang,"Du, Du liegt mir im Herzen..." to Genny over and over again, at her request. I'm embarrassed a little because I only know the first words to "Ach du lieber, Augustine." For some reason, the other song is burned into my brain. Oh, the things I did in college!

Day 3: We had been planning to go to Hoover Dam and I just simply hadn't been feeling very well. We drove around Vegas a bit. Genny had had a pee accident on the first day and we really were looking for a means of laundering her clothes,which we never did, but we drove around a bit looking. We stopped at Walmart to get stuff we didn't have, we stopped at a market to pick up snacks and stuff. We did make reservations at Excalibur to do the dinner theater thing -- dinner without utensils while watching faux jousting and swordplay. The kids LOVED the thing. I was having to stick pieces of food into Genny's mouth throughout because she was sitting there slackjawed enthralled with the whole thing. She made it through some of the food and just loved the whole thing. Both kids did.

Afterwards, we had to do the whole arcade thing there which ended up being a lot of fun. The kids and I ended up with Norse helmets. Mine and Russell's had enormous horns on each side and Genny had more of the cute little norse girl helmet. We walked through a couple casinos while people smirked and pointed. It was an awful lot of fun. Somewhere in the process, Russell broke one of the horns off, so he was running around with the one horn on the front exclaiming,"I'm a rhinocerous! Here me roar! ROAR!" I was smiling from ear to ear. That's my boy! Several drunken fratboy types found it hilarious at NY, NY. We went there because the kids really wanted to ride the rollercoaster, but when Genny was too short to ride it, Russell said he'd wait a year til she was taller. I was so proud of him! We did some of the arcade there and I stopped at an oxygen bar for 20 minutes and got a shoulder massage. We dragged home about midnight and all dropped into bed, wiped.

Day 4: Our last official day there, I decided I was claiming my birthday present. I made an appointment at the spa for a full hour massage. They asked me if I minded a man and I said no. My shoulders are so tight that it requires strong hands to beat them into shape. I had hurt the whole trip, I think from the elevation drop of 3000 feet and I couldn't wait for the massage. I went down to the spa, bubbled away in the non-chlorinated hot tub and thought of nothing at all. I sat in the lounge afterwards sipping water with cucumber slices until I was called by Dave the masseuse.

If Dave had not made it clear that I reminded him of his Mom and the fact that he was all of 25, I would have been happier, but it was okay. I think it made it sexually safe for him. I'm not old enough to be his mother, though at the time, I felt old enough to be his grandmother. However, Dave had strong hands. Dave could find the knots and talk them out of their tangles. When I walked out of Dave's room of bliss, I had tipped him a LOT. More specifically, when I walked out of there, I could walk.

When I got back, the natives were restless and we had lunch at the House of Blues. It was good chow and then we walked what seemed an eternity to go visit the shark reef. By this time, Dave's handiwork was starting to fall apart because my back was starting to ache. The shark reef was a lot of fun and very interesting. I have to say I liked the tank of jellyfish. It was a cylindrical tank with reduced lighting and the jellyfish were kind of pulsing and glowing a little ultraviolet and it was way cool. We also enjoyed watching the critters get fed in the tidal pool tank, where you could manhandle things if you wanted, though during feeding we were instructed NOT to put our hands in the tank.

Speaking of hands in the tank -- what kind of sickos have an open pirahna tank, cordoned off only by those brass and velvet bank/airport thingies? I'm just asking here.

The kids were tired and begged to go swimming with me. Mike, however, had turned into the vacation nazi and insisted that we had to "do the Strip." Of all the shit I'd like to do with kids, "The Strip" was not on the list. We started down, found the M&M store and then ate at the Monte Carlo. I was feeling pretty uncomfortable, so handed Mike $20, told him to take the kids to the arcade, while I played on a machine until I felt better. He smirked and left.

When the money ran out, the kids were tired and begging to leave, and we were all so freaking tired that we figured we'd get a cab. Yeah...a cab on Friday night in Vegas. What the hell were we thinking? Then Mike swore he knew the way and proceeded to get us lost through the back streets of Vegas trying to get to our freaking hotel. It was awful. The kids and I whined at him and bitched him out the whole way, which of course, he returned in kind.

It took us a full hour to get what would have been a block or so. When you're tired, it really sucks ass.

We finally got back to the hotel and then we had to pack up all the crap because we had to leave to get to the airport in the morning. Big. Freakin. Fun.

I ended up doing most of it and that pissed me off no end.

Oh, well.

Day 5: We drove all over the place trying to find breakfast and then KISMET! We found a bagel place right next door to Starbucks. I was saved! I snarfed my latte while eating a toasted garlic bagel. Then we dropped off the car and flew home.

Coming home to the newly slated front entry way and all of my beautiful newly installed windows, glistening in bright newness was fantabulous.


So that's my trip.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

I know I don't talk much sometimes about Russell's cerebral palsy, but this week, he had a breathrough. Hell, we both did.

He decided that he was going to go out for Cross-country, i.e., track and I encouraged the snot out of him to do it. One day, I had picked him up and he had been doing wind sprints and thrown up. I worked hard not to make it a big deal. I told him I was sorry he got sick, had him change his clothes, and go brush his teeth. I never told him he should bail from track or that it's a shame he's so out of shape or anything. I told him how proud I am of him for keeping on keeping on.

The thing with kids with cerebral palsy is that they have a really hard time with endurance. Russell is the kid who gets tired at the mall long before anyone else is. Russell is the one who gets out of breath walking around the block. Russell is the one who could not walk half a mile from the bus to get home without collapsing in exhaustion. Russell is the one at free swim who will come out and sit for a while because he gets tired easily.

So this past week, he had his first track meet. I went and was the quintessential sport mom -- I brought fruit, juice, cups, and snacks. His teacher asked me if I wanted to tell him anything -- I said,"If he finishes, I'll buy him dinner."

As I watched him make his way around the marina, where they were running, I saw him alternately walking and running. As he came towards the finish, he absolutely looked like he was going to puke his guts out. And I ran up to him, jogging next to him, I said, "Come on! Beat your old fat mom! I know you can." And he dusted me and as I looked up, probably a dozen kids from him team ran with him to the finish line.

He was the last kid on his team -- not the last kid in the race -- a few others trickled up behind him, but obviously, a wild favorite amongst his teammates and friends. I felt singularly unneeded in some ways and wildly proud of him for having such devoted friends and teammates. And of course, amazed and proud of him for finishing the race.
It's kind of scary to be able to do this stuff...

I found a friend I haven't spoken to in years and it helped to know a little about him, but I was able to find him at his new job in San Francisco.

I creep myself out sometimes. Just for kicks, I ran a search to see if I was that easy to find when googled. You can find where I was 5 years ago, but not now.

Weird.
I swear I have half a recounting of the trip to Vegas done, but I've got a pretty bad cold and I'm trying to get kids' bedroom furniture stained, while simultaneously forcing them to clean said bedrooms. I also felt that while I was riding their asses, I needed to clean my room as a means of setting an example.

I also found myself sound asleep for three hours this afternoon. Mike had the audacity to wake me up because I was snoring. Annoyed, I glared at him and said I was snoring because I'm congested and that it'd be nice if he got me a vaporizer.

Apparently, he plugged it above my head. When I woke up and started to sit up, the bedding pulled on the cord enough to send a thick hard cover book to smack me just to the side of my nose. It hurt like hell and I was angry about being told that I had to get up because he'd been too lazy to do dishes and he wasn't cooking and that we had to go to the big town to eat something. I was doubly mad because I was tired and pissy and all I wanted was to have someone make me some crappy canned soup and a cup of hot tea and roll back over and go to sleep.

I burst into tears and then cussed him out from the bathroom. No, I'm not nice when I'm sick.

Then we hauled up to town and ate at a Chinese buffet where I had a cup of soup, some rice, vegetables, and a little chicken. Genny had selected shrimp that had to be shelled and deveined, so I actually spent the first half of my meal shelling and deveining shrimp for her.

Then, we hit the pharmacy, so I could get antibiotics. Tomorrow, is one of Russell's dearest friends' birthday parties, so we went to Barnes and Noble and we selected a book that we thought he would like. Then I went and was sorting through music bins and I rediscovered Manhattan Transfer. I used to have all of their tapes and some of their vinyl. For some reason, they had slipped my mind. So I bought a compilation of their work that has everything I like, "Operator," "Java Jive," "Twilight," and of course, "Boy from New York City." It's got a lot of doo wop, which kind of horrifies me now, but I kind of gasp my way through that to get to the good stuff.

I also can't find my second Etta James, "The Right Stuff" album, so I got a third. I swear I need stock or something.

Afterwards, I got a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks and ordered stuff for the kids. It's bad when your kids know words like "frappucino." Fourbucks, as Mike refers to the company, becomes Twelvebucks.

Anyway, this is a long-winded way to say, I'll get to finishing the recount of the Vegas trip when I'm done dripping snot and feeling like crap.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Dinnertime

Crunching under waffle soles, the gravel slithers towards ravines below.

The organza ribbon of trail shimmers ahead in the heat, pretty and treacherous as a woman scorned.

A rain stick sound from under a sagebrush warns unwary feet away from a small rattler.

The boot connects with a large loose rock to distract the snake and a small wood scorpion unfolds its body with its tail arched above its back in the fresh earth.

At the incongruous gazebo on the hill, there's a sunset across the lake just starting.

Prickly poppies line the way, guard rails of the desert, and a jack rabbit explodes across the trail like its feet are on fire.

The hollow sound of feet pounding on wood over air disappears into a solar showdown where the watercolor artist streaks the lake and sky into flaming pastels.

In the gray of dusk, boots noisily clamber along the trail startling critters back to their hiding places.

Then the sound of a truck engine and tires backing over gravel slip into the navy blue sleeve of evening.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

A goofy Meme thing...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Vegas was vegas. I guess I am unimpressed by it, still. I keep waiting for what is cool about Vegas, and I keep thinking that maybe I need to be young, single, and thin for it to matter to me. And mind you, there's lots of cool stuff there to do and we did some of it, but I don't entirely get the now and happening thing of Vegas that you hear about.

Mostly, I enjoyed spending time with my husband and kids -- our own little family cocoon. I'll recount it all tomorrow because tonight, I'm tired and I want to curl up in front of cartoons wrapped around a giggling kid.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Today is my 42nd birthday.

I got my token present from Mike on Friday -- it's a molcajete (MOL - ka - Het -ay) which is a Mexican stone mortar and pestel. I ground up my chipotle peppers for my salsa with it and I like it a lot. Mike spent good chunks of yesterday "seasoning" it, which certainly has shades of "OH, my gosh, he did what?" However, it involved grinding rice and rock salt in it.

On the eve of my birthday...I had a weird set of dreams last night -- mostly, I think of the "here's your life" variety. I think as my brain I was reviewing my life, I was looking at things with my grown up eyes, and not my late teen/early 20's viewpoint. One thing that bothered me a lot is that I have had this recurring dream where someone was writing a book about me -- mostly to criticize my life -- and I am hearing rumors about it. Last night, the dream went further and I was taking a class and someone I didn't know had apparently dropped the book off in the back of the class and asked for it to be passed forward to where I was sitting, but I didn't know that, until I got it passed to me. And I cracked it curiously, and I saw a page that said,"Yeah, and she puts on make up in the car when she's driving, endangering us all!" It had a crayon-drawn picture of a woman putting on mascara. Of course, if you know me, I don't wear makeup, so that was kind of weird, but I used to do that a long time ago, when I was a wild thing. That led me to a whole other train of thought -- also disturbing

After thinking about it a long time, I woke Mike up and talked about it with him.

Mostly, I came to realize everything that I've gone through in my life has brought me to here to this life with this set of wonderful blessings -- a husband who loves me no matter what and is absolutely my best friend, my precious children, my beautiful house, and the joy of being able to garden in my own patch.

I know that a lot of people are having 9-11 memorials today. I am not memorializing the the thoughtless, amoral person I once was nor the thoughtless, immoral people who blew up the WTC. I have God, my family, and a good life. I am celebrating the birth of this new person I became about the time Bear was born.

I'm not a victim any more, thus, I will not memorialize victimization on my birthday, but discovery, joy, birth, and love, because without those, we all die.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

I'm starting to feel like crud again. I know the doctor said I might feel worse before I get better, but I'm really feeling like something the cat dragged in and puked up on the rug.

I'm seriously thinking about dicking around with my thyroid meds because I feel like shit. I'm tired and the weight I lost is coming back and without good cause. It's pretty damned depressing.

Oh, and I don't seem to have kicked the bladder infection, which just makes me cranky. *sigh*
I'm getting my new door put on my house. I bought paint with which to paint said door and trim. I'm getting a new door and windows.

Can you believe it?

Monday, September 05, 2005

Okay, you might be living with rednecks if...

...when you go to a country fair and people periodically fill the air with,"Yahooooooo!" and "Yeehaw!" as they watch a Hawaiian dance exhibition.

...said country fair is a Cantaloupe festival.

...there's a quilt raffle at the country fair.

...the hippie tie dye tent in the vendors' section is on the far side of the fair in the back.

...vendor stalls include one that sells Halloween signs that say,"Here he lies dead and hard, that last damned dog who crapped in my yard."

...a few people stare when you have the gall to put on sunscreen.

...one of the big events is the "little cowboy and little cowgirl" competition and some of the ugliest gussied up kids you ever saw line up in stetsons, spurs, bolos, bandana prints, and denim, with their bucktoothed and toothless parents prodding them onto stage.

...cantaloups are spelled "cantaloupes" because well, now, that's fancy. (What's worse, I thought it was spelled cantalope and I'm a good speller and the owner of an apparently quite useless English degree)

Sunday, September 04, 2005

I'm so tired.

I got the livingroom and kitchen so they didn't look like such horrible pits. I still have more to go, but at least that's progress.

This week, Genny finally got signed up for Kindergarten. We went out to Mervyns and had her select her backpack, which is on wheels and pink, naturally. Genny is a princess, so she had to have the fancy stuff. Russell gladly takes the cheap no frills backpack, though this year, with the extra books, I got him a nice ergonomic backpack that we could fit to his body from Lands' End. I saw it and immediately thought of him.

We watched various DVDs from Elvis' comeback special (1968). Sarah and I decided that Elvis must be hot in black leather, but that he was not only the owner of the hottest ass, but he also was apparently hung like a horse, and that he had the most gorgeous *comefuckme* eyes we've ever seen. We were yelling things like "Come on, baby, take OFF the fucking jacket. You're hot and we'll hold it for you!" Elvis borrowed hankies from various adoring groupies in the special to wipe is hubbahubbadingdong eyebrow. I think the coolest thing in this DVD was the tribute to gospel and rhythm and blues he did --awesome modern dance and great music.

LaDawn blew me off. She says she didn't, but she did. I knew she didn't want to see Elvis anyhow, but I made ribs just for her and I bought strawberry daiquiri makings and perfected the art of strawberry daiquiris just for her. She claims she'll come around today, but we'll see.

I figure anyone who doesn't like Elvis is crazed anyhow. Harumph. However, she is one week behind me on periods (because I was a week early), so she's got horrendous PMS, so I'm not nearly as upset about it as Sarah is.

In the middle of daiquiris though, Leann called upset because she wanted someone to bring her her kids. I explained that I had already had a couple of daiquiris, so I wasn't in any condition to drive, so I need to go visit today and see what I can do for her. I guess she and Brian had a fight, where he refused to bring the kids because he was too busy. I guess I don't understand the kind of busy that involves leaving your hospitalized wife undergoing chemotherapy alone and lonely when she wants to see her children.

I've never liked him much, but I like him less now.

---

I have to go wake up sleepyhead and we need to get going.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I had to drive to California today to get Genny's birth certificate.

I'm so predictable that I'm rather embarrassed. I always stop at the same outlet stores and the same produce market. But, dude, they had tomatillos for $.69 a lb. Do you have any idea how much salsa I can make now? I also bought fresh cilantro, jalapenos, and I've got limes, baby. Mike's now insisting he must have a smoker to do things right, of course.

Heh.

Lord-EE, we're such salsa snobs.

--

  1. 'sides that...this week Russell turned 12. I'm having a hard time not wanting to overprotect the snot out of him. He's such a good kid and I'm so darned proud of him, and sometimes, he's still just a kid. Such a tweenager.


  2. My friend, Harsh Betty's birthday is today. She's reaching forward into old fogeydom , as I am. I'm fully expecting to spend my birthday cleaning my house. It's sad and all, but I'm also going to go to Vegas two days after and I've been promised a birthday meal at Excalibur and a day of lounging at the pool. Mike wanted to know what I want for my birthday and I told him a massage. I'm thinking I can get that in Vegas at the hotel.


  3. Sarah, LaDawn, and I are having an Elvis day on Saturday. LaDawn is bringing the kids over and they'll all play game cube, while we drink strawberry daiquiris, eat popcorn, and watch Blue Hawaii (DROOOOOL! Young Elvis makes me hot!) and the Elvis comeback special. Mind you, the comeback special is at a time in Elvis' live that I don't think he was at hot as in his young beach movies, but I'm humoring Sarah.


  4. Big Dog has this shirt and when I stopped at the outlet store on the way home, I found a pink sweatshirt with that on it and had.to.have.it.


  5. I'm so freaking tired, but I'm continuing to lose weight, and I'm not AS tired, so I see that as a good sign.


  6. I guess what I'm sidetracking about, while I ramble on, is just how soul crushing Hurricane Katrina has become. I can't imagine what it's like and it breaks my heart. We've donated to the red cross and then today, Mike's company announced it would match employee contributions, so I sent them my online receipt. I wish I could empty out my closets, cupboards, and dressers to send everything I have to these people.

    I'm embarrassed to live in a country that goes running off to save the rest of the world, but doesn't seem to be able to get it together to save its own. I also feel that there's a sense in which racism is involved -- for the most part, we are seeing poor black people on our TV screens. The TV commentators are saying how many of them couldn't afford to leave because they didn't have the money for a hotel, a tank of gas, or in some cases, even transportation. And darned, if they aren't getting help very fast at all. I'm betting if it were rich white people, everyone would be getting enough food, water, and shelter, and FEMA would have gotten far more help to these people a whole helluva lot faster than they are doing currently.

    I've been crying nightly. I just feel so helpless -- like a donation to the Red Cross is just a drop in the bucket compared to the enormity of need. So, if you can spare anything, you should donate to a Hurricane Katrina disaster fund, too. These people need it. You should also be bitching your fool head off at your politicians to get on FEMA's ass and ride 'em like a bronco.

Monday, August 29, 2005

First day of school was today for Russell.

First, they want him to walk a quarter mile with cerebral palsy and braces to the bus stop. The only other option through the bus people is for him to have to ride the bus with all the severely handicapped kids. Russell said he didn't want to do that (all his friends are on the regular bus, he doesn't want to be different, etc.), but that he thought it was kind of far to have to walk with his braces. Mike is just going to take him on his way to work.

Second, we've got all of Russell's stuff color-coded for his various classes, syllabi signed, questions of the special ed liason asked, and emails sent. Tomorrow, I buy binders and tab thingies for some of his classes. I find the whole thing rather heinous after already setting up one system of organization, that we will have to have several.

Third, my period is here 4 days early again. LaDawn is snippy today, as I was yesterday, which means hers is next, and we'll both be grumpy and crampy. Isn't close girlfriend period synchronicity, fun? I hate to think when Sarah's is.

Fourth, my back hurts so bad, I wish I could just rip out my spinal column. My low back feels like I've got a big giant electric eel back there laying across it and jolting me out of my skin every so often. I'd like to turn that eel into stew. I wonder if electric eel cooks itself? hee.

Fifth, tomorrow, I've got more stuff to do for Russell at school, so it'll probably be a buttcrack of dawn morning again. I think it's dreadful that anyone should get up this early, much less have to spend a fucking hour on the bus after doing so. Thus, the reason, he's getting a ride with Daddy.

Sixth, my husband has become a Runescape addict. He plays every freakin' moment he's home. It's not cool because he's coming home late and not having much time to spend with us anyhow, but then he buries himself on the computer, which sucks.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Today was another in what seems like an endless week of summer entertainment of children -- we went to the water park for the second day in a row. Mike practically begged to stay home and work on the yard and do laundry. You have to know that normally to get Mike to do heavy work in the hot sun requires an act of God. He admits to being a fundamentally lazy man and he loathes the heat. Tomorrow, however, school starts, so my one-woman entertainment extravaganza will end.

All good things come to an end and heck, even some of the the not so good.

I'm kind of bummed I don't get to play with the kids all the time, but I have been really missing my alone and down time. I've had such a hard time getting stuff done with the kids here. Genny's cute and Russell's funny and sweet, but sometimes, I need to just hear myself think and I swear their squabbling has been hitting new heights sometimes.

I'm looking forward to getting the kitchen floor scrubbed and the children's bathroom firehosed out. I'm looking forward to having all the laundry put away and getting my livingroom neat enough that I don't feel humiliated every time someone walks through the door.

I'll grant you that I now realize that my thyroid has been functioning at less than stellar levels, which is why I've been feeling more depressed, lethargic, and generally, toasted. Speaking of toasted, I'm going to be hammered, if I don't get to bed soon. I have to get up with the boy and husband and get to the big city where the boy has school and the husband has work and his car.

Night-night.
Spent the day at the water park after spending the night ALONE with the hubby at the Hilton.

Paris wasn't there, but my hot monkey lover was.

Hee!

I'm tired and going to bed.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I'm so freaking tired. I took Genny and a kid from LaDawn's daycare and went to the Little City and got Genny the updated glasses frame. Then, we had lunch together, and then picked up the desk I bought for our bedroom. Mike set it up, but to do so, of course, he loaded my side of the bed with all the crap from the original computer desk setup. Butthead.

Then we headed to Costco. I had originally thought I'd just buy my shampoo and blow, but decided to look into wireless plans because I loathe my cricket phone and ended up buying one, but the guy took TWO FUCKING HOURS. Do you have any idea the levels of meltdown that a sleep-deprived 5 year old can reach? Do you have any idea how bad it is to be stuck at Costco with the manipulative 9 year old from hell for TWO FUCKING HOURS?

9 yo: I wish *we* had a Costco card.
me: Why?
9 yo: So I could get the really neat socks and gel pens over there.
me: Well, I have a card, just get money from your parents and I'll bring you.
9 yo: That won't happen.
me: Not my fault.

(In my head, "I bought you a great lunch, a smoothie and I'm getting you ice cream afterwards, you little shi-shi head!")

Succinctly, it sucks. I like my phone, but I learned today to use the internet for deals in the future.

Fuckerheads.

After that, we went through the drive-through at Baskin-Robbins and I bought a bottle of water and the girls got shakes. Then, I drove home to get Russell who had called me 27 times while I was running my errands to ask me dumb questions and basically express his discomfort with being home. I got him and took him with me and dropped off stuff for LaDawn, dropped of the 9 year old, and went home. 9 year old was huffy because I went to get him, but I explained that him being that nervous was freaking me out.

On the way home, I ascertained that stinky boy had not bathed today and instructed him to go inside and remedy that because we had the orientation at junior high tonight. What struck me at orientation is that they were all proud of the fact that they are the only 7-12 high school in the state and that that was special somehow. 1600 kids is special all right -- in a leave the kids behind kind of way. It's the educator in me, I swear, but damn, that's a lot of kids and I was in a 7-12 situation as a 7th grader and it was scary as hell. I didn't really have friends though, which is where Russell is better off. He's got two friends who would kick ass on Russell's behalf, as they consider him family and they are very protective of him.

We got to meet with the math teacher who seemed like Russell's needs would be no problem at all to cope with. I was very happy to hear that.

After all that, Bear and I went to Walmart and bought color coded notebooks and book covers for his classes. I was looking for floppy disks for him to transport his homework back and forth on and realized I'm out of touch to think that a floppy disk would be appropriate, as I looked at the various disks and sticks -- things we use in the PDA and camera that had so much more storage. I called and talked to Mike briefly on the new cell and decided that a flash drive he can wear on a necklace around his neck would be perfect.

I've gone through the bed mound a little, but I'm so tired I don't want to deal with it. Mike and I ended up doing it together and then making the bed with our brand new sheets.

I told Russell that we could do the waterpark tomorrow, but my feet hurt in whole new horizons of agony and my leggs are wobbly sore, so I spent a lot of time on the way home from Walmart begging not to have to go. Our compromise is that he'd let me sleep in and see how I feel. I said, I'd let him know by noon.

I've been losing serious weight on this thyroid pill. It's been amazing. I've lost 11 lbs since I started taking it! It probably helps that I'm eating at least one vegetarian meal a day. Tonight, we went to Denny's and I just ordered a salad and grilled cheese and it was great.

I have to try to sleep BEFORE 1AM. Really.