So, much to my surprise, Mike comes home yesterday at 1230 in the afternoon as I'm heading into the shower. I'm mid-email, so I turn around and say, "Hey, what's up? How come you're home?" I hear him say something about "laid" and say, "Um, ok?" and then I say,"Wait a minute. What?" And he says quietly, "I got laid off."

He's worked there 8 years. He was their boy wonder the first couple years, and then the company hit difficult times and the past couple raises have sucked. When he didn't even get one this year, I wondered if we were in trouble.

We're in trouble.

His severance package should get us through March.

We're terrified. We're going to start making house repairs and clean it within an inch of its life so we can sell it, if he finds a job elsewhere. In this economy, we have already faced that possibility.

Horrifyingly enough, I had a dream about this in the summer. I don't know why, but I dreamt he got laid off and I had that prickly stuff on the back of my neck that made me feel like it was deja vu.

He asked me if he could mope for a day and I said no. I know him. He'll disappear into his computer and never come back. I said,"You do what Mark does. You reverse your schedule and you live attached to your computer and you won't come back. We cannot afford you to do that." He agreed. Later, when we talked more, he said that watching Mark did scare him and he realized how much alike they are.

We also agreed that we'd work together to get healthier during this time of transition. We're setting the alarm for ourselves, getting up early each morning and working on the house.

Her shortness was freaked. She cried on and off during waking hours and then had a hard time sleeping. Russell started to ride her butt and I called him out and said,"Hey, dude, she's freaked and she's little and she's working it out. Give her a break." He grumbled and grudgingly stumped backed to bed. We just kept hugging her and finally got stern and groused,"Get to BED!"

Today, we hit the livingroom and kitchen. I've got my boxes out there of winter clothes. I'm working on getting my summer clothes transitioned into those. I'm kind of waiting on laundry to process through, so I can get all the summer stuff out. I'll be working on that today.

I'm finally repairing my car. We can't afford it, but we can't afford to not have me working either.

It blows because I can't hit the job fair because my car will be in the shop during those hours and Genny will be home otherwise because it's conference week -- half days.

I'm calling the bank and begging them a little. It's just brutally difficult to be a human being in these economic times.

In my head, I have this running conversation that involves me putting myself down for not getting all my sewing projects done, which when run against a reality check is total bullshit. I've sewn two blankets -- one for a friend and a really cool pirate blanket for me. I sewed Genny one darned cute penguin costume, too. I kind of regret not making the beak on the hood orange, but it was ok and she was warm. She ran around with an igloo drink dispenser to hold her candy and holy hannah, she filled it.

I've got to get her nightgowns cut and sewn. I keep thinking I'm going to do it and my entire day goes completely to crap. Recently, we've had lots of weather changes, which means my knee has been completely wrecked, so pain has been a factor, as well as time, because I'm cooking my buns off lately.

Due to pain, I haven't walked in 3 days, so I'm slacking on that, but tomorrow I will walk. My doctor says I have to work up to walking a half hour a day by the next time I see her, which is in 3 weeks. It's so painful, but I bought a beautiful pair of walking shoes that really make a huge difference in the agony factor. She said the pain wasn't going away and that I had to suck it up and do it and show that if I had the lap band surgery, that I could lose the weight. She gave me drugs, so I'm walking. I can walk to the corner and back and it's hard and I'm really out of shape, but I can do it. It's only about 10=15 minutes, but it's a start, so I'm good. My knee hurts like hell, but it's just the way it is. I can hang in there because there's an end in sight -- Eye on the prize, you know?

Today, I did get a lot done, but the house was messier for it. I got Genny's summer clothes and winter clothes switched out and boxed up. I still have to finish getting all of my summer crap out and into boxes, but tomorrow is another day. I keep trying to tell myself that I need all these t-shirts in case. I don't know what the case situation is that I'm worrying about and shoot, if they're just in boxes in the garage, I can go get one if I need it. I guess my brain is unsatisfied without something to fret over.

Tomorrow, is a car juggling day. I drive Bear to the one big town for his allergy shot and I go to an appointment for me. Bear's going to have himself a whiny fit about my appointment, but I will deal with that tomorrow. He's a teenager, so it seems like we have large fluctuations from a small grousing whiny fits to huge hulking hissy fits. Mike's going to stay home and get Genny to school, then I'll come home and take him to work and get the Bear to school in the other big town.

Moneywise, we got Mike's bonus check and it's gone. I didn't spend it wildly or anything, we just had to pay a few things. I have to get the car repaired and I have to get it towed. I bought AAA and will be able to use that Wednesday morning and finally get the stupid car fixed. Mike showed me the car and the battery and stuff and told me he'd where he'd seen antifreeze and sure enough, it's the waterpump. At least that repair will be relatively cheap. I've been doing wild juggling on money, but if the car is repaired, I can work, so I'm just gearing up for that. We bought most of Christmas. We've figured out what to do for Russell and it's all ready to go at Amazon. He also asked for clothing from Lands End and I've got that saved on their website for the end of the month. I bought Genny's winter coat and Russell's robe and nightshirt on JC Penney.

Tomorrow, I see some guy who's apparently the crowned guru of getting people jobs through vocational rehab. I told him I've got a lot of skills. To be honest, I'm afraid he'll try to shuffle me off into something stupid. I guess after dealing with the case manager dude, who is one of those career state employees who really seems like he's just there for the retirement he's getting in less than 5 years, I'm guarded. I don't want to get my hopes up and get jack, either. This guy seemed positive, though, so I'm hoping for the best.

My goal tomorrow is to get my clothes set up for winter and get Genny's night gowns cut out and started. I'm not showing her the fabric and am hoping to slide them under the tree as Christmas gifts she forgot about.