As I've come late to diagnosis of my fibromyalgia, I am coming to the realization that there's so much bullshit around the diagnosis, medication, and knowledge base of fibromyalgia. There's a lot of similar traits that I've seen in many people with fibro. Many of us have survived abuse. It's a gross generalization to say that every person with fibro is the same, but I've noticed it's a common trait, often.
I'm in several support groups on Facebook. I even started my own, which has been growing leaps and bounds, in just a few months. It's been an adventure. It's difficult sometimes to reckon with people like me, who simultaneously might forget to bring their butts if they weren't attached, due to fibro fog or some of that brain fog that goes with so many auto-immune disorders, people who get ticked off and then forget why they're ticked off, people who are simply ticked, sad or depressed because they're dealing with the results of PTSD-induced auto-immune symptoms, and people capable of deep love, support, kindness and gentleness, too.
I know with my depression and sadness that it's very much a tidal thing, as it ebbs and flows. Sometimes, I get triggered because I read something or there's my weirdness with hairbrushes and sometimes just talking about it, can get me in a funk. At this point, though, my funks are very short-lived. I get down. I get funky with it. I move on. I meditate. I count blessings. I feel very much like an explorer in a oft-visited cave. I spelunk through it on out to fresh air, sky and sunshine.
When I start thinking about my blessings, that's often all it takes. I'm breathing. My children are healthy. My husband is darling.
One of the things that comes up for me a lot is when I read Facebook game things like, "If you could change anything in your life, what would it be?" Sometimes, my mind heads right to that sore spot in my life, when I was so brutally abused. Then, I realize all the people I've helped and spoken to and for, and I know I couldn't have done that without that sore spot, without those wounds. Learning to tend for wounds of the psyche remind me to be humble and that I am loved deeply.
The mother in me comes forward and cares for me. She reminds me that I'm OK. She reminds me that it's over now. She reminds me to breathe. She strokes my hair and off I go.
Tuesday, July 07, 2015
Well, I'm looking at trying a dill pickle recipe, shortly, because my cucumber plants are going nuts. I was realizing, too that my squash are about to wax prolific, which reminded me of my mother's and my favorite relish. My mother is the source of most of my canning recipes and inspiration, though, I have tried a number of variations as I've gone because I love HEAT in my food and she doesn't. I think living in California with access to so much Mexican culture and food changed my New Hampshire palate, for which I am glad. When I have pictures of this in a month, I will edit the post and put them in here.
Mom's Zucchini Relish
10 cups cut squash (yes, you can use any squash like zucchini, summer squash, mexican squash, or even patty-pan squash) I've cut it by hand, but honestly, I think grated is better for consistency and you can use a food processor to do that.
4 cups of chopped onion
5 Tbsp uniodized salt (canning salt)
1 Tbsp cornstarch
2 Tbsp celery seed (I've also used mustard seed in lieu of this, but I don't like it as much)
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 tsp black pepper
1 Tbsp tumeric
1.5 cups white vinegar (I've used some balsamic vinegar in here because it's delicious!)
3 cups of sugar
Mix squash, onion and salt into a non reactive bowl or crock. Cover and leave overnight. Drain the liquid out and set aside. In a large pot, mix the rest of the ingredients together and then add in squash and onions mixture. Simmer for 45 minutes. Pack into sterilized jars and seal. Run in hot water bath for about 15-25 minutes with jars under water. Remove and let cool. This should make 6-7 pints. Because I never use a lot of relish at once, I typically use half pint jars for this.
How can I change this up?
Possible alterations include using jalapenos or serranos (I'd substitute at least 6-10 for a bell pepper and use seeds for more heat) and tossing in a Tbsp of hot pepper flakes. I have also just tossed in a half dozen hot peppers and it really wouldn't do much other than add some heat.
I've also just used red bell peppers, as well as red, hot peppers that are starting to dry, so it's prettier. The green is OK, but I like the color of the red. It reminds me of summer in the winter. I've also used more than just the two bell peppers. Usually, if I'm using zucchini, I have enough green color, but if I've used some yellow squash, I typically have used green pepper, with a red and an orange pepper. I like the look of it and I like the fact that you get the color without using food coloring.
You could substitute honey for the sugar, if you're feeling that ambitious. It seems like about two cups of honey would be sufficient, using this site as a guide. It's not going to brown, but it will add a little liquid to the recipe. I would guess that you can cut the vinegar down by a quarter cup and up the honey to 2.25 cups and you'd maintain enough acidity for keeping botulism at bay.
Mom's Zucchini Relish
10 cups cut squash (yes, you can use any squash like zucchini, summer squash, mexican squash, or even patty-pan squash) I've cut it by hand, but honestly, I think grated is better for consistency and you can use a food processor to do that.
4 cups of chopped onion
5 Tbsp uniodized salt (canning salt)
1 Tbsp cornstarch
2 Tbsp celery seed (I've also used mustard seed in lieu of this, but I don't like it as much)
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 tsp black pepper
1 Tbsp tumeric
1.5 cups white vinegar (I've used some balsamic vinegar in here because it's delicious!)
3 cups of sugar
Mix squash, onion and salt into a non reactive bowl or crock. Cover and leave overnight. Drain the liquid out and set aside. In a large pot, mix the rest of the ingredients together and then add in squash and onions mixture. Simmer for 45 minutes. Pack into sterilized jars and seal. Run in hot water bath for about 15-25 minutes with jars under water. Remove and let cool. This should make 6-7 pints. Because I never use a lot of relish at once, I typically use half pint jars for this.
How can I change this up?
Possible alterations include using jalapenos or serranos (I'd substitute at least 6-10 for a bell pepper and use seeds for more heat) and tossing in a Tbsp of hot pepper flakes. I have also just tossed in a half dozen hot peppers and it really wouldn't do much other than add some heat.
I've also just used red bell peppers, as well as red, hot peppers that are starting to dry, so it's prettier. The green is OK, but I like the color of the red. It reminds me of summer in the winter. I've also used more than just the two bell peppers. Usually, if I'm using zucchini, I have enough green color, but if I've used some yellow squash, I typically have used green pepper, with a red and an orange pepper. I like the look of it and I like the fact that you get the color without using food coloring.
You could substitute honey for the sugar, if you're feeling that ambitious. It seems like about two cups of honey would be sufficient, using this site as a guide. It's not going to brown, but it will add a little liquid to the recipe. I would guess that you can cut the vinegar down by a quarter cup and up the honey to 2.25 cups and you'd maintain enough acidity for keeping botulism at bay.
Thursday, July 02, 2015
I don't think I realized how difficult it is for other people to can stuff. I really am constantly surprised by people who say,"Oh, my jam came out like cranberry jelly and I could hardly get it to spread" or "Mine became pancake syrup." I used to make canning errors, but over the years, I've gotten very good at fudging it. I made a triple berry jam, like my mother used to make from blackberries, blueberries and strawberries. (She used raspberries.) The recipe on the little sheet in the pectin box basically had blackberries and blueberries in equal parts to sugar for jam, but strawberries were their own category with measures that weren't easy to ration to blackberries. I made an executive decision, however.
I didn't have a lot of strawberries, so I just used the recipe for the blackberries and blueberries because it was a double batch and there was no way it that pint of strawberries was going to really adversely affect the outcome. I think the recipe for strawberry jam called for about half the strawberries and sugar that the blackberries/blueberries did, so I used the more dominant amounts of berries to sugar ratio to determine my recipe.
It came out perfectly. The strawberry flavor was just enough to soften some of the seed bitterness of the blackberries. My mother typically used raspberries, but she also has a HUGE patch. I literally wait with baited breath for my mother to bring me a jar of her raspberry jam. It doesn't matter that it's the full sugar stuff. You can taste the freshness of the berries. She literally goes out, picks, and then cans it. You can't beat that!
I also recommend canning the same day, but if you can't, you can wait until the next day only usually with wild berries. I don't recommend it, though. Plan on a long day. Pick in the morning and can in the evening. Strawberries you pick at a place in summer usually HAVE to be canned that day or they start to go. Blackberries and blueberries are a bit more hardy, depending on how squished they get in picking or storage containers. I typically try to put blackberries in a container that is wide, but not deep, to avoid squishing them too much.
Also, when a recipe tells you to hand crush the berries, feel free to ignore that and run them through the food processor. It gives a better consistency to your jam and really can save your hands and wrist. If you've already spent the day getting attacked by brambles, you will thank me because crushing them by hand with a pastry cutter sucks, as does a potato masher.
Almost any fruit can be combined with other fruit. There are likely any assortment of recipes on the Internet. The best recipe I ever found was plum-pear jam. It seemed like it would be weird, but it was delicious. It tasted like autumn, in the best sense. It tasted like something that would go well with a bit of sharp cheddar on a good cracker. It was that awesome.
I recently made nectarine, strawberry, blueberry jam. It sounds weird, but it was really good. The berries accented the nectarines beautifully. The thing with nectarines and peaches is that you usually have to add some acidity to the mix, so I had about 2/3 of my jam mix from nectarines, so I used 2/3 of 2 tablespoons of lemon juice or 4 teaspoons to add enough acid to the mix. It came out beautifully.
My husband was mad as hell it had nectarines in it AFTER he ate it. I had to use up the fruit, so I did and just didn't mention it to him. He was mad that I'd tricked him into eating it. I just laughed and said, "Suckah!" My daughter thinks it's pretty darned good, though she also loves the mixed berry I made, too.
I'm going to try to pick more berries between storms today or tomorrow. I noticed the patch we hit has a ton of fruit again, this morning. YUM!
Remember, you have to use the pectin for jam AS INSTRUCTED. If you want a low sugar jam, you need to use a low sugar pectin. Freezer jam maintains more of the freshness of the fruit and uses less sugar than regular jam, and there are also low/no sugar pectins for freezer jams. Not everyone has the freezer space for such frivolity, I realize. If you want to make jarred jam low in sugar, you must by the low/no sugar pectin. What sweetener you use is up to you. You must also use low/no sugar pectin to use agave or honey, or it won't come out.
I hope this helps. :)
I didn't have a lot of strawberries, so I just used the recipe for the blackberries and blueberries because it was a double batch and there was no way it that pint of strawberries was going to really adversely affect the outcome. I think the recipe for strawberry jam called for about half the strawberries and sugar that the blackberries/blueberries did, so I used the more dominant amounts of berries to sugar ratio to determine my recipe.
It came out perfectly. The strawberry flavor was just enough to soften some of the seed bitterness of the blackberries. My mother typically used raspberries, but she also has a HUGE patch. I literally wait with baited breath for my mother to bring me a jar of her raspberry jam. It doesn't matter that it's the full sugar stuff. You can taste the freshness of the berries. She literally goes out, picks, and then cans it. You can't beat that!
I also recommend canning the same day, but if you can't, you can wait until the next day only usually with wild berries. I don't recommend it, though. Plan on a long day. Pick in the morning and can in the evening. Strawberries you pick at a place in summer usually HAVE to be canned that day or they start to go. Blackberries and blueberries are a bit more hardy, depending on how squished they get in picking or storage containers. I typically try to put blackberries in a container that is wide, but not deep, to avoid squishing them too much.
Also, when a recipe tells you to hand crush the berries, feel free to ignore that and run them through the food processor. It gives a better consistency to your jam and really can save your hands and wrist. If you've already spent the day getting attacked by brambles, you will thank me because crushing them by hand with a pastry cutter sucks, as does a potato masher.
Almost any fruit can be combined with other fruit. There are likely any assortment of recipes on the Internet. The best recipe I ever found was plum-pear jam. It seemed like it would be weird, but it was delicious. It tasted like autumn, in the best sense. It tasted like something that would go well with a bit of sharp cheddar on a good cracker. It was that awesome.
I recently made nectarine, strawberry, blueberry jam. It sounds weird, but it was really good. The berries accented the nectarines beautifully. The thing with nectarines and peaches is that you usually have to add some acidity to the mix, so I had about 2/3 of my jam mix from nectarines, so I used 2/3 of 2 tablespoons of lemon juice or 4 teaspoons to add enough acid to the mix. It came out beautifully.
My husband was mad as hell it had nectarines in it AFTER he ate it. I had to use up the fruit, so I did and just didn't mention it to him. He was mad that I'd tricked him into eating it. I just laughed and said, "Suckah!" My daughter thinks it's pretty darned good, though she also loves the mixed berry I made, too.
I'm going to try to pick more berries between storms today or tomorrow. I noticed the patch we hit has a ton of fruit again, this morning. YUM!
Remember, you have to use the pectin for jam AS INSTRUCTED. If you want a low sugar jam, you need to use a low sugar pectin. Freezer jam maintains more of the freshness of the fruit and uses less sugar than regular jam, and there are also low/no sugar pectins for freezer jams. Not everyone has the freezer space for such frivolity, I realize. If you want to make jarred jam low in sugar, you must by the low/no sugar pectin. What sweetener you use is up to you. You must also use low/no sugar pectin to use agave or honey, or it won't come out.
I hope this helps. :)
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
My mother taught me to can. I am teaching my daughter to can, too. My garden is starting to hit its stride, thus, my three cucumber plants went completely bonkers and I had a pile of cucumbers to contend with. There's only so much cucumber salad any one family can eat, so while I was a pound shy on cucumbers to make a triple batch of my mother's bread and butter pickles, I added more onion and off to the races I went.
The recipe is here. I put dried hot chile's into a few bottles, but other than that, here's the recipe from my mother.
The recipe is here. I put dried hot chile's into a few bottles, but other than that, here's the recipe from my mother.
BREAD
AND BUTTER PICKLES
6
lbs. cucumbers (about 4 inches long) thinly sliced, do not pare
4
large onions, sliced
2
green peppers, sliced
½
cup salt—do not use iodized salt
5
cups cider vinegar
5
cups sugar
1
½ teaspoons turmeric
2
tablespoons mustard seed
2
tablespoons plus two teaspoons celery seed
16
whole cloves (I used a teaspoon)
Mix
together the cucumbers, onion, green pepper and salt in a large bowl
or earthenware crock. (Can use stainless steel pot, but not
aluminum) Cover vegetables with with small ice cubes. Cover with a
weighted plate and set aside about three hours. Drain.
Meanwhile,
blend vinegar and remaining ingredients together in a large kettle.
Add
drained vegetables and set over medium heat. Heat thoroughly, but do
not boil, stirring occasionally with a wooden or stainless steel
spoon.
Pack
into sterilized jars and seal.
Makes
8 pints.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Racism isn't dead
After recently watching episodes of, "Wire" I am finding it difficult to not be surprised about the recent death of Freddie Gray. I am horrified, nonetheless, but not surprised.
It boggles the mind how stark our world is becoming against the backdrop of old hatreds, like racism of whites against blacks, the rich versus the poor, the police versus criminals, and women versus men. I am sad that the gray areas that we have often found in these wars of absolutes are dissipating and it makes me so angry.
Education feels like a precious bottle of aged wine, spilling out of a bottle and to the floor, where it slinks down a drain to never be tasted. I believe it takes an education for the mind to handle grays and not jump to the absolutes that are so easy to sling on like a belt or shoe. It's like when your child tattles on her sibling and says, "He always does or says that." You know there's no way in hell that your child could always be leaving his underwear on the floor because you've seen evidence of his underwear hitting the basket occasionally.
In the same way, there's no way that all white police officers attack black suspects inappropriately. On the other hand, the times that you do find that underwear on the floor is no less disgusting with its little racing stripes and soaking wet from a kid drying off from his bath over it.
I can't imagine what it's like to live in that level of fear, however, when those types of immoral things happen because I'm a ginger. I've been given dirty looks because I'm a white girl in a diverse neighborhood, but I'm good at softening the hardest heart with a smile, a cookie or a learned phrase in the appropriate language like, "Thank you."
I can't imagine what it's like to live in that level of fear, however, when those types of immoral things happen because I'm a ginger. I've been given dirty looks because I'm a white girl in a diverse neighborhood, but I'm good at softening the hardest heart with a smile, a cookie or a learned phrase in the appropriate language like, "Thank you."
Incidents like the Baltimore police department's recent behavior make it more apparent to me than ever that there needs to be a "Consumer Reports" overview group for things like Freddie Gray in Baltimore, Michael Brown in Ferguson and the Eric Garnder shooting in New York, so that we make sure that our law enforcement is behaving above reproach. The ubiquitous nature of these shootings and the reactions people are having to them reveal that more than ever, we need to be sure that these types of things are not getting by without review by someone, who has no vested interest in the outcome of that review.
My experience of living in the south is that racism isn't dead, but hidden. You can color me stunned for the numbers of times that people assumed because I was a blue eyed white gal that I was amenable to racism, when in fact my silence was, simply being appalled and left wordless by the exposure. We need to root out all of the hiding places it lingers in and root it out willingly and talk about it, so we have a chance of eliminating it from future generations.
My experience of living in the south is that racism isn't dead, but hidden. You can color me stunned for the numbers of times that people assumed because I was a blue eyed white gal that I was amenable to racism, when in fact my silence was, simply being appalled and left wordless by the exposure. We need to root out all of the hiding places it lingers in and root it out willingly and talk about it, so we have a chance of eliminating it from future generations.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Autoimmune disorders in real life
One of the things I'm finding out about having fibromyalgia is how interrelated everything in our bodies is. Autoimmune disease leads to more autoimmune disease, so that co-morbid conditions are really the norm. If you have this, you are more likely to have this and this. It's freaking creepy, honestly. I feel like I'm always waiting for another danged shoe to fall and it blows.
I have Hashimoto's thyroid disease. I have fibromyalgia and the associated IBS. I have diabetes. I have fractory chronic uticaria (hives brought on by auto-immune reactions). These are all auto-immune issues. Two out of four of those can kill you (Hashimotos and diabetes). The other two can make your life freaking hell with pain and itching. (fibro and chronic uticaria)
I've gotten the first three managed, finally. Now, I just have to get off prednisone and on immunosuppresants to stop the raging itching and I have to wait for the latter to build up. I swear, when the hives are present, it looks like my husband gave me two black eyes because my eyes are ringed with welts. My husband said I remind him of a Trill from Star Trek. (Google Jadzia Daz) My hives though, aren't limited to the sides like that. I get red lumps everywhere!
I get hives clumping on my ears, so I'm standing there scratching my ears in this very cautious and fervent manner that looks like I'm a raving lunatic. If you were to shave my head, it would look like my brain was not protected by my skull because I get so lumpy! A friend, who also suffers with this stuff said, the boobs covered with lumps is horrifying. I find myself trying to surreptiously rub my hivey boobs and trying to make it look like I'm just adjusting my bra. Yeah! That's the ticket!
As if the other diseases weren't indignities enough, I think the most humiliating is the middle-of-the-night back hump on a door jamb. I get leaned up on a door jamb to get the middle of my back and I catch myself in a mirror, looking like I'm screwing the hell out of the doorway backwards. I just roll my eyes, and I'm screaming in my head, "Fuck it!" The cats think I'm a little weird, but I feed them and pet them, so they put up with me. My backscratcher periodically shows up from hiding from whereever I stuffed it last and I put that thing to task, regularly. Some women are really into a BOB (battery operated boyfriend). I am really into my back scratcher.
It's taken so much time to figure things out and track down information. I feel like the Fates. I feel like I've been handed scrambled strings and I'm trying to weave a life out of them.
You get so much information, advice, anecdotal evidence and general bullshit to wade through. The information you have to determine if it's medical or commercial because someone's always trying to get you to buy their crap because it's going to fix everything. The advice you have to decide if it's well-meaning, but worthless or medical and useful. Trust me, when I tell you, being desperate means you'll try everything once. The anecdotal evidence you have to compare to teensy weensy widdle studies done all over the world with minimal results and larger studies with better results. The general bullshit is just that.
Getting through that pile of strings and putting together the fabric of a life is a source of outrage, frustration, and occasional breakthroughs. Much like gambling, with its occasional reward, people with autoimmune disorders are constantly on the lookout for those occasional clinks of coins hitting the slot machine tray. My coins are things like yoga, meditation/prayer, exercise, and my family and friends.
Clink, clink, baby.
I have Hashimoto's thyroid disease. I have fibromyalgia and the associated IBS. I have diabetes. I have fractory chronic uticaria (hives brought on by auto-immune reactions). These are all auto-immune issues. Two out of four of those can kill you (Hashimotos and diabetes). The other two can make your life freaking hell with pain and itching. (fibro and chronic uticaria)
I've gotten the first three managed, finally. Now, I just have to get off prednisone and on immunosuppresants to stop the raging itching and I have to wait for the latter to build up. I swear, when the hives are present, it looks like my husband gave me two black eyes because my eyes are ringed with welts. My husband said I remind him of a Trill from Star Trek. (Google Jadzia Daz) My hives though, aren't limited to the sides like that. I get red lumps everywhere!
I get hives clumping on my ears, so I'm standing there scratching my ears in this very cautious and fervent manner that looks like I'm a raving lunatic. If you were to shave my head, it would look like my brain was not protected by my skull because I get so lumpy! A friend, who also suffers with this stuff said, the boobs covered with lumps is horrifying. I find myself trying to surreptiously rub my hivey boobs and trying to make it look like I'm just adjusting my bra. Yeah! That's the ticket!
As if the other diseases weren't indignities enough, I think the most humiliating is the middle-of-the-night back hump on a door jamb. I get leaned up on a door jamb to get the middle of my back and I catch myself in a mirror, looking like I'm screwing the hell out of the doorway backwards. I just roll my eyes, and I'm screaming in my head, "Fuck it!" The cats think I'm a little weird, but I feed them and pet them, so they put up with me. My backscratcher periodically shows up from hiding from whereever I stuffed it last and I put that thing to task, regularly. Some women are really into a BOB (battery operated boyfriend). I am really into my back scratcher.
It's taken so much time to figure things out and track down information. I feel like the Fates. I feel like I've been handed scrambled strings and I'm trying to weave a life out of them.
You get so much information, advice, anecdotal evidence and general bullshit to wade through. The information you have to determine if it's medical or commercial because someone's always trying to get you to buy their crap because it's going to fix everything. The advice you have to decide if it's well-meaning, but worthless or medical and useful. Trust me, when I tell you, being desperate means you'll try everything once. The anecdotal evidence you have to compare to teensy weensy widdle studies done all over the world with minimal results and larger studies with better results. The general bullshit is just that.
Getting through that pile of strings and putting together the fabric of a life is a source of outrage, frustration, and occasional breakthroughs. Much like gambling, with its occasional reward, people with autoimmune disorders are constantly on the lookout for those occasional clinks of coins hitting the slot machine tray. My coins are things like yoga, meditation/prayer, exercise, and my family and friends.
Clink, clink, baby.
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