Sunday, July 31, 2005

I slept like crap again, but I also spent half the night fretting about the financing and so forth. It sucked. A lot. Also, my nap during the day, had made my ability to sleep at night, limited.

We went to church today with LaDawn. I really enjoyed the service, but was hit hard by her appearance on crutches!

She tore a ligament in her right knee last night, so she can't drive. What that means to her is astounding -- lack of income, stress, etc. If her husband wasn't in Afghanistan, it'd be one thing, but man, what a mess. I'm going to drive her and the kids to the small city near us for swim lessons and take her to run errands, should she need to, including a run to her brand spanking new orthopedist. Her mom is worried about her, too. Russell was so worried about her and was kind of obsessively asking questions about was her daycare going to stay open, etc., and I simply told him to pray for her. She won't know until she speaks to the orthopedist, whether or not she needs surgery. Even if she doesn't, she's got a long time on crutches ahead of her and it's not pretty. Of course, it goes without saying that I'm worried sick about her, too.

Today, I took kids after church and let them play and then her mom picked them up, after L. woke up and we talked a bit, but her mom is old and has a hard time getting around herself. L. frequently drives her around!

Mike and I are discussing loaning her the van, so she can get around and offering a van swap. She can't fit into the back or front of her van with her leg fully extended and our van is bigger. Mike said that if the doctor gives her permission to drive, that he'd be okay with her driving the van. In the interim, we're willing to loan it to her as a means of having someone drive her around or for emergencies.

L. and I will discuss it tomorrow at swim lessons, but Mike and I are going to offer it with those contingencies because I can't see her being miserable for the next couple months.

--

I've got to start sewing. Genny's got school starting and I've got butt-tons of fabric and buying that kid clothes is just too damned expensive. I swear she's got the longest legs of any 5 year old I know. If I sew her clothes, I'm hoping I can make them long enough. Her shoulder size doesn't change tons, but her legs get longer and longer. I figure I can make her a size 7 with 6 inches of extra length, and I might have a chance of keeping her in it longer than a couple months at a time. Geesh!

Saturday, July 30, 2005

I am kind of feeling like a slug. I don't even know why. My sugars were fine, but I think this long stressful week of sleeplessness finally caught up with me.

I napped for about 2 hours this afternoon, after only being up for a couple hours. I am still having trouble moving.

Well, I guess, it would be fair to guess, that I might be wildly depressed, too. Money is so stressful and the biopsy results are coming and I just have a bad feeling about them. I've also had mild cramping and things -- either from the procedure, my hormone pills, or just generally experiencing being a woman.

We're meeting with a new loan person on Tuesday evening. I suspect she'll be offering us much nicer loans. She explained to me how our type of loan is a bad idea for us. It was the explanation that the dumbass brokers had never bothered with. She also said that she could get us a loan at a decent percentage for the long term. It made me feel relieved. She also explained that the reason we were getting such a crappy offer from the current place is that they are a sub-prime lender not because our credit was bad.

It was very depressing overall to realize just how ignorant I'd been and how much shit I'd gone through to get such a crappy loan and the papers we nearly signed for yet another crappy loan. *sigh*

Yesterday morning, at about 4AM, I sat bolt upright in bed. I'd been praying for days for God to show me why I had misgivings. I'd been so caught up in dealing with the appraisal that I hadn't paid attention to the actual loan. I finally realized we'd be paying nearly $17K for a loan that gave us all of $50K more and nearly doubled our current payment. When I explained it like that to Mike, we both about passed out. I started making calls to get help and we did. I just felt rather stupid and ignorant afterwards, but thankful for the good results of prayer.

We both just know so little and I'm actually feeling more hopeful with the new gal. She's a recommendation from my Shaman realtor who helped us buy this house. I'm learning how to do this. I guess I just feel rather braindead. It probably doesn't help that I'm worried about the displasia stuff.
So, I'm really really tired and I'm not even sure why it just hit me now, but it did. I rolled out of bed about 945AM because LaDawn's son had left some stuff here on an abandoned overnight. Basically, everyone got to bed and he freaked out, called his mom and then left about midnight.

I just felt bad for the kid. It was his first try at an overnight and he was really excited. With severe ADHD, meds that frequently don't work well, and a severe lack of friends, this was a big deal to him. His mom said he kept saying he had had sooo much fun and yet, he didn't know quite what happened. I told her that Russell's best friend, Charles, at 12, still does that, too. She laughed.

Kids are so darned cute, but they suck the sleep out of you with super vacuum strength. Mike rolled up about 11 and then I asked him,"So, did we have sex last night, when I was asleep?" He said,"I wish." Then he proceeded to remind me that no, we did not have sex last night, but dude, we sure had some this morning.

Then we felt like particularly bad parents, so we took the kids to Denny's for brunch.

Thank god, they know how to make themselves cereal and get gogurt out of the fridge.

==

Mike's out in the back yard, looking at my handiwork with pinned tarp, the edging, etc. I suspect, I have more supervisory activities ahead.

Men! They possess brute strength, but are a little short on the "how to make things pretty" knowledge.

I still like him a lot because he's a gooooood kisser.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

The appraisal came just shy of what we wanted by about $10K, so after all that effort, we're saying,"Aw, fuck it." And we're going to go ahead with it.

It's disturbing overall because I know I'd list it for nearly $40K more than it appraised for and we'd easily take $20-30 more than the appraisal cost.

It's okay though. We'll do this again next year and the landscaping will be done and the windows will be done and we'll make some progress on the kitchen, replacing the sink and stovetop fan. If I also tile the countertop myself, the only thing left will be the floor and I might be willing to slap that on the credit card just before the appraisal, and perhaps AFTER they pull my credit report, so that I can get it done, but not on my credit report.

Sneaky, I know.

__

Today, was my culposcopy. They biopsied my cervix. The doc said that the cells were easy to see, but the question is how developed they are. My hope is that I won't need to consider a hysterectomy for another year or so. I want to get the kids safely transitioned into their new school settings.

I don't want cancer -- no matter how slow growing it is.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

This entry will be making loose and crazy with the word, "fuckerhead." You've been warned, but it is my favorite word for any person acting like an ass.

Okay, to be precise the appraiser used the neighbors of the hellhole as a comparable. He also used two houses on the busiest street in town, both of which do not have a view of the entire valley, nor sunken livingrooms, etc. But, ya know, I don't happen to live next to a hellhole or within three miles of that particular hellhole. If anything, our house would be one of the smaller and least landscaped, but we've got tons of animal fencing, fruit trees, and back yard irrigation. It was a rental and we're still catching up from that. We redid the master bath. We've replaced some of the fixtures in the kitchen - stove top and oven. The bathrooms got tiled. We're in the middle of replacing the lawn out back with xeriscaping and drip in order to preserve our well and to do something more sensible in that regard. We're also working on replacing little stuff, like the doors to the sink in the kids' bathroom. We're also mid-way towards replacing all the hollow seventies' doors throughout the entire house. We've got three of five to go, but we're making progress. We just installed nice curtains in our bedroom, too, to some degree because when it's hot we didn't want to moon passersby, but also because well, we were being appraised.

Our street is safe (relatively speaking) for the 5 year old to experiment with bikeriding, our house has an awesome view, it was remodeled before we moved in with wood trim throughout the house and wood slat blinds throughout the house, so I don't happen to think it's comparable to a house next to a shithole, nor comparable to two houses on the busiest street in town, also used as an alternative truck route for the major freeway we have here, so super busy during crappy weather.

I still can't believe I scrubbed floor and steamcleaned my freakin' carpet for the king of the lousy comparable. Not only did he have the gall to ask *me* for comps on the phone, but then he picked bad ones. My realtor came back with much better ones and ones much more in the range I was thinking, so we sent those to the Fuckerhead.

As a friend emailed me, he'd be great to appraise the house if I had to have it done for tax purposes!

I still think he's a stingy bastard and a fuckerhead. The fuckerhead's boss is going to review the comps tonight and let us know if they will be making any adjustments to the initial appraisal.

All I know, is that they damned well BETTER be. The comps start at $22K more than he appraised us and go to $55.5K more, which when averaged would bring us in at nearly $40K more than he appraised us at.

My hope is that we'll have a better appraisal by tomorrow and that we'll be closing on Friday. If not, pigs will be erupting out of my butt and we'll be scrambling like centipedes in sunlight to pay for things.

Monday, July 25, 2005

This is a cussing entry. If you don't like cussing or are too delicate to handle it, just go some place else or read one of my old entries that doesn't have this warning.

After all the fucking work we did on the house, the stupid fuckerhead appraiser appraised us using comparables of the most godforsaken pieces of shit houses in the entire valley. He selected one particularly lovely hellhole, which was a modular pink peeling paint house on foundation with a tattered nasty roof, completely surrounded with badly done chainlink for that comp and probably a third again the size of ours. Also far away from our neighborhood, so thus, NOT comparable to OUR house.

Did he select the house that was just down the road on the same street? Why no. The fucking moron did not do that. Did he take the worst comps he could possibly find and use those? Apparently, so. Did he select square footage for the worst houses in the whole valley? Why yes, he did.

I'm constructing a gallows in the back yard because I'm going to hang that stupid motherfucker until he's dead.

The bank was all ready to go with his crappy appraisal and I said: I. DON'T. THINK. SO.

Lowballing me at more than $30K below what is appropriate ain't gonna fly and heads will roll, if they try to make this penguin fly.

I'm going to kick some serious ass and if at the end, I'm not where we think we should be, I'm going to kick more ass and go with a different bank, even if that means I go back to work.

Fuck this.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Much like last year at about the same time, we did the Annual Blackberrying Extravaganza. Martha Stewart can't leave the grounds, per the conditions of her parole, but I am not currently on parole, so we left the grounds and headed to some of my favorite blackberrying patches.

We even found some new ones -- in the shade.

Tomorrow, I'll be canning berries til the cows come home. And stuffing them in my mouth at will.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

I've been so tired and sore -- the heat swells everything and mild arthritis becomes agonizing pain that little relieves. Somewhere I have a script for celebrex, but I can't find the damned thing and I'm still hurting significantly.

And amidst all this agony, Mike and I remembered that we have a foot massager. It's one of these warming machines with accupressure thingys on it and I swear, my legs just turned into lime jello and slid under the blankets.

And wow, did I sleep. Last night, we both had every intention of porking each other's brains out and then we fell asleep holding each other. I slept for nearly 12 hours. I felt old and silly for doing so, but it was lovely, nonetheless. A blessed luxury, for sure.

Bear was gone most of the day at another kid's house (LaDawn's eldest) and then we invited LaDawn and kidlets over for dinner. I found steak in the cheap meat pile at the grocery store and snagged it and threw it on the grill. I swear the ribeye was soooooo juicy, it is the only reason I don't go fully vegetarian again. I grew up on a beef farm and wow, do I love steak. I imagine that the borderline anemic thing has something to do with that, too, but we also eat so much chicken and turkey, that steak is such a fabulous rarity.

Tomorrow, I'll grill the tequila lime turkey breast, cook wild rice, and have a big salad. But tonight, I ate steak, perfectly happy to clog up my colon, thankyouverymuch. I also baked brownies because I knew LaDawn loves chocolate and that all of our kids would love them. I baked them with strips...one strip was plain, one was with coconut only, one was coconut and nuts, and the last one was just nuts. Kind of weird, I know, but not everyone is crazy about those toppings, so I made it a choice thing, which worked out well for the kids, who picked and chose happily.

It was nice for the kids to play together. Sitting outside, LaDawn's youngest tossed a fit and wouldn't stop, so we sent him to our big rock to tantrum until he was done. It was pretty funny because he was kind of howling on the rock like a coyote, as LaDawn noted, but the rock was a nice place for him to go to get away from everyone and still be in eye's reach.

The two youngest of our kids went egg collecting and then went inside and washed eggs together. I think I will bring LaDawn's littles up every few days to collect and wash eggs with Genny and then take the kids down to the store to sell them and let them split the cash. I think it's cool that they enjoyed it and enjoyed it together.
When I jokingly suggested it in front of Russell, he said,"Cool! Then I won't have to do it any more!" So much for reverse psychology!

Before dinner, Mike and I had mostly run around the small city near us. We'd poked around a bike shop to see about replacing Genny's bike tube. I also asked about a bike and a Trail-a-bike for Genny. I think it would be nice for us to be able to ride together. I won't be able to do it every day for a long time -- too out of shape, but I figure I can alternate between biking, swimming, and walking to get myself into shape.

Walking right now is painful with the arthritis in my feet and ankles, so I'm hoping to swim tomorrow, unless we go blackberrying. If we go blackberrying, I'm taking tylenol and hoping for the best.

I'm getting zonked, so I'm out, baby.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

No more apnea for me. Yahoooooo!

The appraiser arrives tomorrow and while the house is beginning to shine, it still has much more sparkle to go.

So tired already.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I have a sleep study tonight to see if the tonsillectomy reduced the amount of obstruction involved in my apnea.

I'm sure hoping so.

--

We're getting the house appraised sometime this week and I'm still feeling like it's a filthy pit.

It's not, but it's not as pretty as it was at Christmas. Also, I think it's worth a lot less than the banker thought, so we'll see. It'd be worth paying stuff off, regardless, however.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Genny and I cleaned a particularly filthy corner of my bedroom today. It seems fair, as I had to help her clean all of the corners in her insanely crapped up room. I was actually surprised I got a corner clean.

The laundry still beckons and the kitchen is inching ever closer to some semblance of clean. It's just so fucking hot -- even with the cooler on. I would give my left nipple to have a small air conditioning unit in my bedroom and in the kitchen. Hell, I'm not using my left nipple in this heat -- it's too damned hot to "nip out." We've actually broken a record for the most consecutive days over 100 here. Last night's low temperature, was the highest low recorded. I know it's only a few freaking weeks a year, but DUDE, I want air conditioned comfort because the swamp cooler isn't cutting it.

---

I finished the Harry Potter book and I have to say that the ending was very unsatisfactory. It seemed like she was looking for a way to end it and couldn't do it gracefully. I was sorely disappointed in the ending, but enjoyed the first 400 pages of the book. I felt like the last 50 odd pages were not as well-woven as the other books had been and were really awkward.

---

The stuff my husband finds on the internet. I tell you. I've been laughing so hard that I think I peed myself. You must read the comments. Not to mention that the name of the vehicle is apparently a hip and happening term for a woman's butt, according to Dave Chappelle.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

I got back another abnormal pap smear with some squamous cells that are more developed than they should be. I forget the terminology, but they are a little more mutated than they should be. I go in for a biopsy in a week or so. Then, perhaps another leep procedure. We're already talking about the future of removing my uterus and keeping my ovaries. *sigh*

My throat's tons better, though my knee is still kind of sensitive. I can do stuff, but a lot of time on my feet makes it swell and ache. But that's also true of my throat. If I spend a lot of time using my voice, my throat swells up and aches.

I'm overall feeling better. I was pretty bummed about the abnormal pap smear again and cried a little when I found out. It's just frustrating to never feel like I have a healthy moment to myself, you know?

__

Yesterday, I took the kids and a couple of their friends to Barnes and Noble for the Harry Potter party and we made crafts to beat the band, ate out, did more crafts, then I gave the kids to Mike who took them to see Willy Wonka, while I went curtain shopping with a girlfriend (we're refinancing again because our house is worth that much more and we're going to do lots more stuff to the house, but we want to make it pretty for the appraiser). I'm picking up my book this morning, but with the refinance, I'm guessing that I'll be reading it somewhat slower than I'd like. They gave out plastic Harry Potter eyeglass frames with the pre-order slips, as an added bonus -- props that will be ferreted away in the Halloween box.

I had so much fun with the kids and they were sooo happy. I did the crafts right along with them, bought a ton a books, and sucked on a frappucino from Starbucks. Unlike the kids', mine had caffeine. I bought lots and lots of books. I love going to the book store -- far more than going to the library. There's nothing like the stiff spine, bleached paper scent, unsmudged cover of a brand new book. I also enjoy smug victories like finding that prequel to the sequel I really wanted to read downstairs in the bargain section. I also get a girl woody for giving kids new books that they really really want.

I had Russell's friends S-boy and S-girl with us and they both wanted a book. Their folks can't afford stuff like that and I knew how much it would mean to both of them. Mind you, I bought S-boy the $20+ book, which was more than I wanted to spend, but that was the only book he really wanted. The kid hates reading and English. After having the teacher that Russell had and that our whole family loathes, I don't blame him for hating English, so I bought him the one damned book he'd read.

Big. Girl. Wood.

I can't help myself. I know that teaching, even when I'm not getting paid for it, is a kind of mental illness, but I love it. I live for it. I look for opportunities for it.

Big. Girl. Wood.

__

The appraiser will be here this week -- I am scouring my house.

___

If you want to suck the joy right out of your life, coffeedrinkers, you should check out the calorie count in starbucks frappucinos. My gynecologist had warned me that they were nutritional bad news, but damn, I coulda had a big mac. I'm returning to my iced sugar free vanilla 2% latte.

I hate reality.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

The cooler is working. We changed out the filters and it's blasting away in the livingroom and we're all sooooo happy.

We got rock today. They couldn't fit their truck through the gate, so they dumped it at the garden gate which means we'll have to use the wheelbarrel to get it where we need it, which kind of blows. And stuff.

I'm so tired. I'm getting a nap.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

It's too hot to post a blog. It's too hot to have sex. It's too hot to move. It's just too damned hot.

I'm going outside to watch the airplane that's divebombing our house.

So, nyah.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

My husband is a real asshole regarding physical labor.

We're trying to get everything set up for the xeriscape in the back yard by tomorrow because the gravel guy comes to dump 8 yards of stone down tomorrow.

At a spry 29 years, his job is to do the hard physical stuff, but I did landscaping in college, so I totally know my shit.

Did he ask me how to lay the tarp and how long it should be? Why NO.

Did he ask me which pegs to use where? Why NO. He did not.

Did he have all the freaking sprinkler lines capped that he was supposed to on the weekend when it was barely 80 degrees? Why no. He was working on them in the dark last night because that was the only time it wasn't 90 degrees or above. Did he douse his wife several times in the process with little warning? Well, yes, he *did* do that.

Then he had the unmitigated gall to be cussing and crabbing, too.

Did the more mature 41 year partner consider taking a hammer to his head instead of to the stupid pegs as she was trying to fix his mess in the HOT dark? Noooooo. Not me. I'm a good wife.

Did I feel sorry for him when he got bit by an annoyed non-toxic spider? Nope. Not a whit. (I paid that eight-legged friend a lot of live flies to do that.)

Monday, July 11, 2005

The lawyer thing was scary.

I guess what I came to understand is that I've been living under the shadow of the fear that this abusive SOB will show back up in my and my son's life. It's terrifying and I've been carrying that burden for a long time.

We went ahead with it -- completely legal and above board at Mike and Bear's request. I would have preferred to go to a different lawyer, lie my ass off, and protect my child, but the guys said no. What they did in that small gesture was relieve me of carrying that burden alone, which has had me fighting tears all day. I've always been the strong one and always carried this by myself. I don't have to any more. I don't know why it sends streams of tears down my face, but it does.

I'm absolutely terrified that this fucking slimeball will show up after we post the abandonment stuff in the paper. I know the odds are slim, but my heart fears for my darling son. I also know that after 12 and a half years of not being there, that I totally have the upper hand, legally, but it doesn't stop the nagging worrying. He's my first baby and I've had to protect him for so long that I guess I am used to that role and that maybe it's hard to surrender to the possibility that we'll both be free from an abuser's memory and really and truly get to move on. I guess I'm also trying to protect my heart against the possibility of him showing up.

I'm guessing that I'll be contacting my doctor and asking for a sleeping pill for a while. I'm a freaking wreck. Bear is the best damned kid a mom could ever ask for and I'd die, if this asshole showed up and threw a monkeywrench into his life. I'd still feel like his victim, too, and that makes me deeply sad.
Well, Mike and I tackled the yards. I did the front and he did the back.

He wrestled with several large sage brushes and quail berry bushes and won. He got the sprinkler system working, cuz it were broke, and carefully edged around the cement curbing in the back. (It came with the house -- you know *I* would never put up chainlink fencing and cement curbing, c'mon now!)

I got the front area cleaned up. I put plants in pots, transplanted a few things. I actually finally have my annuals in and put peppers in several pots, to keep them out of the mouths of chickens, rabbits, and quails. Furry, feathery little bastards! I put my rocking chair on the porch, so I can watch the sun set, the stars rise, and survey my little piece of heaven on earth. Well, that and I'm old and creaky.

I've got to get Mike to get the tarp down, so I can set up plants, so he knows where the sprinklers will go. Hopefully, that will happen tonight, so all I have to do tomorrow is drop the plants and walking stones on the tarp, so when the rock truck comes Wednesday, I will simply be raking rock around my pretties.

Overall, I was very happy yesterday to get the plants in, the trash out, and generally make my space pretty. I've been feeling like crud for so long, that I guess it was important to have one place feel pretty and in turn, feel pretty myself.

__

Today, we go to the adoption lawyer. There's a lot of stuff to figure out and determine. For example, I've never listed Bear's biological father anywhere, not even the birth certificate. When I was 5 months pregnant, I went to court, wearing a black maternity dress, to try to make it look like I was just fat, not pregnant, to file a restraining order against him because he was taking swings at me. I never mentioned that I was pregnant in the restraining order, and the judge gave me the full three years available. I don't know if he did that because he could tell I was pregnant or because I wrote a persuasive case for getting the order. But I was very careful.

The thing is, if we file abandonment charges against an unknown dad, then Bear will never have to deal with the guy, unless he chooses to. Right now, he is adamant that he does not want to meet the guy. I've been truthful with him over time. About a year ago, he asked why we didn't get along and I truthfully told him that the guy had been taking swings at me when I was pregnant. Bear was horrified.

I've told Bear that when he is older, he may have some kind of life crisis and decide that it's important to him to find his father, but that I really want to let that be his choice.

We talk to the lawyer today. We find out if she's one of those rare breed of lawyers with scruples, or if she'll work with our desire to protect and keep Bear's life stable and make the choice to find his father his own. My hope is that she'll be more interested in what's good for my little bear than what's completely and perfectly honest.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Today, we gave our children away with some money to Sarah, who took them up to the Lake to play putt-putt golf with them and have lunch. After, they go to church and whatever else, and then come home to us.

In the interim, we have dastardly plans for the three mean roosters in the big chicken house. We're going to dump them up on BLM land as coyote bait. We were supposed to have hens and instead ended up with a bunch of hens and three obnoxious roosters. They fight viciously, one has gone after the kids, and it just wasn't what we orderd, ya know?

Twee in the other coop is a nice rooster, which I handraised (used to carry him about in my pocket when he got cold), who has a completely pacifistic small flock, which he would protect. He won't take any shit and as the only rooster, he'll make sure that the old hens are nice to HIS hens, until the pecking order gets settled with everyone. He also does not allow squabbling amongst his hens. If they step out of line, he basically smacks them back into line. He's not vicious about it, but they mind him, which means that the old hens will be learning new behavior patterns.

We're sick of having two coops and the mice that they bring and I think we're going to clear the other shed space for pygmy goats next spring. We can buy kid pygmy goats in spring shortly after they're weaned. We need something to trim the brush on the hill and they're cheap landscapers. We have a critter waterer outside for them, so that's already handled, so it'll be a matter of buying them bedding and hay. We can have that delivered from the local grain store down the hill or just stuff a couple bales in the back of the van and drive them up.

We'll have to protect them from coyotes, but my experience is you get them trained to a grain bucket and they'll just come running when they see you out there with a bucket for them and you can stable them up at night and set them out in the morning. In winter, we may just have to stable them in a small stomping yard, so they aren't floundering about in snow drifts, but I think that's totally doable. Mike wasn't thrilled to pieces at the prospect, but he agreed it's cheaper than figuring out landscaping on the hill. Because they are small, they'll also be more manageable than big goats and less likely to be able to reach low branches on trees and jump fences.

Well, I've got to get housework done while the kids are gone. Opportunity awaits. Though...overall..I'd rather take a nap.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

We were supposed to get such work done today and not a damned thing got done, really.

Mike wanted to see the Fantastic 4, so we went. Genny freaked a little at the intense parts, curling up on me or Mike, but generally, we all enjoyed it very much.

Sarah called and she was depressed, so I invited her up and she stayed til late. It was just nice. Tomorrow, we actually work on the back yard.

*sigh*

Purposely fucking off, however, was really awesome.

Friday, July 08, 2005

It's cooler today. When you've been hovering around 95 for over a freaking week, that 10 degrees is a big deal.

They're saying that it's the calm before the storm though because it's supposed to hit 100 degrees plus next week. The reason I tolerate living here is because there's really only one month of miserable weather -- July. I get sick of snow, I get sick of winter, but I enjoy the cooler weather. In July, I could easily be rude, obnoxious, and physically obtrusive to get near air conditioning.

Apologies in advance, because I can guarantee you there will be much more whining about the heat from me before the month is out. Fat melts, don't you know. ("I'm melting! I'm melting!")

I've got my period and as always, I'm just miserable in cramps and exhaustion. I wasn't wildly uncomfortable yesterday, but I was so tired. I couldn't get the energy to clean until the heat died down some. I managed to get a load of dishes filled and started, three loads of laundry folded, and then I just kind of collapsed and fell asleep. I also ate way too much yesterday. I even tried filling up on a gigantic bowl of salad, but still wanted ice cream when I was done. I hate my hormones. I even hate the ones the doctor gives me. I only like it when I make whore moans for my husband.

Hoooocheeeeeeee. Yup, that's me.

Horrifyingly enough, it's into July and I'm JUST now finishing up putting in the rest of my garden. If I whine at the end of the summer about how little produce I have, remind me that if I don't get the garden in at the beginning of June, then I can't whine.

Just once, I'd like a spring where I have nothing planned and can get the garden in on Memorial Day weekend. Just once. I think I'll get some tomatoes; I already have fruit on several plants. I think the peppers will hatch, if I can just get them all in. The cucumbers may be too danged hot in the next week. I'm going to have to water them carefully and dutifully for the next week.

Yesterday, I bought the landscape tarp, pegs, and some more plants. I think I've figured out what I'm doing for the yard. It's not a perfect solution, but it'll do for now. When I get it done, I'll post pix of the before and after variety.

Right now, I have to go wallow about in my hormones and contemplate the removal of the interesting textures of my kitchen floor.

Just shaddup.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Today was my appointment day for the week. Unfortunately, I managed to fuck up 2 of three appointments. I had a PT appointment for Russell, but spent close to an hour searching for my keys. I learned that one should never send a reticent 11 year old to look for one's keys in weird spots. My freaking PDA told me my dentist appointment was 1 hour AFTER it actually was. Of course, they can't reschedule until late August or September and by the time I get my stupid teeth cleaned it's going to have been a couple years. It's pissing me off because my pda does this a lot and because my computer puked, I had no way to cross check it.

However, the biggest news occurred at the appointment we made it to -- the eye doctor. Both kids require glasses. Genny more than Russell. It makes sense in retrospect because she was so on top of her letters and the sounds they make and yet, she seemed still to be struggling and couldn't seem to make that jump to reading that we had been expecting, though numbers were easier for some reason. I think that was me, too, when I was found to have a vision problem in the first grade. Russell only needs them for reading, computer, etc. Genny's going to need them from the time she gets up in the morning until bedtime.

We bought the virtually indestructible frames for them, but it was a horrifying $150+ even WITH insurance. Of course, Russell had to have the pair that was an additional $111 more because he wanted bigger glass to look through. *sigh* I was bummed out about the unexpected expense of it, but I paid them part of it and will be able to pay the rest next week after payday. I was also bummed that what few genes the kids got from me involved bad eyesight! Yeesh!

Couldn't they get my super curly pinky toe or my long fingers?

Other than that, Sarah and I talked last night.

I'm considering working again -- probably next year because Bear is going to need adjustment support getting into the junior high environment and I suspect Genny is going to need some getting accustomed to Kindergarten being a boring academic adventure frought with socialization trials. I've got Ladawn covering the homeschooling academics for her, next year. I'll be able to request testing for her to begin at the beginning of first grade because she's super bright and I will be getting the gifted and talented IEP put in place for her. I think though, I need that year of not working to be there for the kids.

If it turns out to be a smoother transition than expected, then I may work sooner.

The thing is that Sarah runs this afterschool literacy program. I'd be great for it and because we're such good friends, we'd teamwork the hell outta it.

Things to look forward to, along with a reduced waistline and metabolism disorder drugs. ;)

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Well, the visit to the mountains to see Mike's grandparents over the holiday weekend was really fun. I took the kids to a mine where we got a tour. In the process, we saw bats of the endangered species variety, a rattle snake, a hard rock mine museum (more info), and relics of the gold rush in California.

We really wanted to go to the river, but the river was very fast, very cold, and very high. I didn't have life jackets for the kids and I wasn't going to bring the kids to the river without them.

We went to a craft fair -- with about 8 booths, but I had one of the best smoothies ever at the same time. I got the hokiest purse ever because that's all they had, but I also got some awesome woven place mats with chile peppers on it. Wheeeeee!

Russell started acting weird yesterday -- he fell asleep face first in strawberry pancakes! We frantically drove him to the emergency room here. It turned out, that he'd accidentally taken his sleeping meds and not his regular meds, so by 4PM, he started to come out of it. By that time, however, plans for a bbq with friends were cancelled, so we came home and made hot dogs, roasted corn, and ate sliced watermelon til we were stuffed.

Yesterday, we went to fireworks in the smaller of the two cities around us and I was really enjoying the sense of the small town flavor. I guess because the kids were amazed at the fireworks which were short-lived and which were just not that spectacular to me. I've seen them shot over the San Francisco Bay, so I'm getting jaded in my old age, but I really enjoyed their pleasure. We had every intention of getting ice cream afterwards, but the 31 flavors place had closed early! Of all the nerve! ;) We got some shakes at a fast food place instead and came home and crawled into bed.
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We've been trying to make sense of our disheveled house today. If you find any way to hevel our house, it'd be great if you emailed us.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Yesterday was the first hot day of the summer, so this is the first hot night of the summer and it's well...hot.

And my stomach is bugging me. I had a cup of yogurt last night in the aftermath of the excessive porcelain goddess attendance I did at the waterpark, and the percocet helped slow things down, but now my tummy has woken up and is letting me know about its unhappiness.

And I'm sad because one of my dearest friends has had to move her blog again because her nearly ex-husband is behaving rather vindictively and tracking her down on the net. I've been careful not to list her link, but damn.