Wednesday, November 19, 2003

I've finally surrendered to my age, my diabetes, my family, and my husband. I am not taking 10 units next semester, but rather 6. I have chosen sanity over insanity. My advisor has said that it may screw a few things up and I said, "let them be screwed up."

I'm free.

Next I'll be healthy again.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

I miss this place. I've been realizing lately that I've been taking a lot of the things out of my life that make my life happy. Thus, it's not a big surprise that I'm sad and surly.

I have been taking a sleeping pill at night to get enough sleep. It's working really well and I have felt good for 3 whole days...you know....in. a. row.

My husband and I have decided that we're going to put into the works a plan to send the kids to bed by 8, so that we have more time together. Russell will get to watch TV until 830 and read until 9, but we need some down time together without munchkins and we're not getting it, so we're going to make it. And we've both been making an effort to do stuff with each other.

My husband who often teases me with,"So? You wanna do it?" was put off the other night when I said the same thing to him. Color me stunned. It was not so long ago that he'd have ripped all his clothes off, shaved faster than spit, and said,"Hell, yes!" I just never thought he'd grow up.

I had a talk yesterday with Russell about being responsible for his education. I had no idea I felt so strongly about my own education. I feel like I am paying for this fucker with time away from my kids, time from my husband, money from my family's budget, and by God, I am going to make my professors make me understand everything I need to. I ask questions. I make them repeat. I am a hardass because this education I am getting is MINE and no one can take that away from me.

CS, I hope you figure out a way to get yours, too. This is the best and hardest thing I've ever done.

Monday, November 10, 2003

Hi, I'm writing from a hip-deep pile of work, but I missed you and I know you miss me, so here ya go. I sent this to my kids' group.

Dear Disney,

You guys used to be the cool moviemakers -- the ones I could take my kid to and TRUST that they would not be exposed to violence and weapons that most parents would not let their kids see, nor use. In a time, where there is a v-chip, snipers, killings in schools, and the like, I would hope that you would by virtue of the money you make and the quality that Disney used to be known for, that your movie writers could come up with really awesome movies that omitted the violence and scary stuff that is in our world.

I do NOT want to take my 3 year old, nor my 10 year old to something that has weapons, violence, and death. Heck, they can see that on the evening news. In fact, my daughter's preschool, which is filled with engineer's kids (their daddies make big bucks)has specifically said that they do not show Disney movies for the most part because they are too darned violent. I would rather take my kids to a really awesome movie with people figuring out how to solve problems with their words, how to express their anger in non-hurtful and non-hateful ways, and relying on their families and community to support them when they can not figure it out themselves. If you want me to buy tickets to your movies, merchandise from those movies, including shirts for my kids, DVD's for our family's collection, and dolls for playing, I expect to start seeing the values that I work to instill in them being acted out in your movies.

Otherwise, my kids are taking art classes, so maybe some day, they can draw an animated movie that shows the right thing to their kids.

Please work on it.

Thanks in advance.

Sincerely,


The Momminator
(I only purchase Pooh, now)

Sunday, November 02, 2003

My parents visiting was a really wonderful thing in a lot of ways. I love them so much and it was really awesome to see them.

I just wish they'd come in summer when I actually had time and wasn't ready to fall off a cliff from stress. The more I do this grad school thing, the more aware I am that I am not 20 something any more. I can't stay up all night without a cost. I can't do sleepless nights for weeks on end. And I really miss sex and butt grabbing with my husband.

Somehow, though, after my parents, I'm feeling okay, even though I know I'm up to my butt in work. I just wish we'd all had more time. Russell said he wished they lived closer because he misses them. I agreed.

I tried very hard not to cry when they left. I was very sad that they did leave.