I have had the weekend from hell with the child from hell. I posted that I was "very sad that her (my) 9 year old is making such lousy parent-testing choices." My mother-in-law said, "Gotta let kids be kids. She's only nine. Please be patient." So while I usually bite my tongue, this really pissed me off, so I wrote the following in response:
If you have questions about G or what's going on, just email or call me. I'm here, I'll tell you, but I really don't like the idea of my patience being questioned in front of all of my friends by someone who knows me far less well than most of the people on my facebook, half of whom have known me and my parenting at least 3 years longer than you and the other half who have known me for 10+ years beyond that. I don't think you should walk on eggshells around me, but I also don't think you should speak to things you don't know the back story on. You know my number, so if you want to be supportive, I'd appreciate a call. This weekend was a special trip to hell with this child. I think considering the crap she pulled, I was amazingly patient.
Genny chose not to sleep today. She does things like that. I am pretty sure she purposely set her alarm clock. Her brother likes to brag about being an early riser, so recently her thing has been to set the alarm early in the morning on weekends because she wants to harrass her brother and be cool like him. Saturday, I let her stay up a bit because we'd worked hard on the house. (Stupid choice, in retrospect. especially because I didn't check the freaking alarm clock.) This morning, she claimed that the cat woke her up, but I'm guessing it was her alarm clock because I didn't catch that she'd set it. Additionally, her brother tried to give her her medication which she initially refused to locate and bring to him. Her brother has always been an early riser, but she is not and while she likes to get up with him early, she really really needs to sleep and usually will if the door is closed and we make sure she doesn't set the alarm clock.
Yesterday, Russell was up and his palsy was bad because he's been sick, so he was bouncing off walls (literally) and I shut her door. Unfortunately, I did not know the freaking cat was in her room on her loft bed and was mad to be locked in, so crapped on her blanket. I can't get up the ladder to get the stupid blanket and she was completely freaked out and Russell was sick and was a raving whiny baby about getting the danged blanket for me to get it laundered. But I think it kind of put her off to not have her particular blanket (in the laundry) and to have the crapping kitty with her because she was nervous kitty might strike again, so she may have been more restless. Honestly, I really don't know.
Typically, like her parents, Genny likes to stay up late and sleep in like crazy. During the week, she often gets nowhere near enough sleep and god, it sucks, because she's a whirling dervish of destruction and mayhem without sleep, much like today.
Today she stole a commerative coin I've had from a trip to Washington D.C. when I was 12 (she claimed Mike gave it to her which Mike confirmed was a big fat lie) , stole cookie dough out of the fridge (didn't ask and this after she refused to eat her lunch), and stole the parts to the flashlight in the laundry room. I had been using the flashlight because Mike was gone and with 10 foot ceilings, I can't change the stupid bulb that burned out this morning, until he brings the step stool from the other house or we find one buried in the garage in the boxes. She knew this, so was just trying to stir the pot. Additionally, she got into Mike's cologne, while helping me unpack boxes (I'd gone to do laundry) and had that sprayed all over her room. It's not like he wears it, so she wasn't doing it to get a whiff of him, but just to be creepy. She also claims that the tiny tube of super glue she "found" just happened to "spray" all over her hands. Having used said superglue, I know that that also is a big fat sorry lie and that she was hoping, I would allow her to use nail polish remover to remove it. In fact, I probably have to go check for the nail polish remover and make sure she hasn't taken it and hidden it somewhere. Last weekend, she asked for a piece of gum, which I gave to her. She then PURPOSELY stuck her hair in her mouth with said gum in order to see if peanutbutter really does remove gum from hair and then came in requesting help removing the peanutbutter from her hair. Then she tried to lie to us about that she'd purposely done that. I also found that she helped herself to hard exercisers still in the package that I use with teenage boys in teaching, stealing those for herself. The fact that she'd snuck them and that hid them, demonstrates that she understood she stole them, by the way.
No one on God's green earth can possibly keep up with crazy-no-sleep girl. I am a crazy-no sleep mom trying to keep the house up behind this child and it's hard as hell. And with her, I have to know all her tricks, weirdnesses, eccentricities and crazy mindset to even keep close to even with this child. And yes, I have to be hard as nails with her because if I give this brilliant child one single inch, she assumes all is forgiven and she can go back to behaving like a creep, as she does at least understand logic. Mike recognizes this also and we coordinate discipline together.
As for our response, her alarm clock will be removed from her room next weekend, her door will be shut and the cat will be out. She didn't get dessert tonight and she has been grounded from doing fun stuff -- no TV, no swimming, biking, or computer. I will probably relent on the swimming as it's going to be hotter than hell and we're going anyhow. I think we'll go one night without her to get the point across and then just forego the electronics for the week as they make her icky and I think the exercise is good for her. She will, however, be required to clear table and work on the weeding, which are her two jobs, before she's allowed to go swimming because otherwise, she'll find any excuse to blow it off and I feel it helps keep the kids grounded to have chores.
There is a litany of other stuff, our light-fingered Genny has taken recently and which I have recovered. There is a litany of constant lying we are working on breaking. For example, she is no longer permitted to go into the car alone because if she does, she frequently steals things -- from my CDs, to change from my purse/drink holder, and then she lies about it. I understand that moving is difficult for children with special needs, but this isn't just about the moving, this is just pretty normal craziness for Genny.
Her world will be limited and we'll see how it goes. If it doesn't go well, then we may need to get her up to Reno to see her psychiatrist to consider changing her meds again because I will not live hostage to a 9 year old's totally whacked out behavior.
I think considering how difficult she's been, we've both shown incredible patience. I was singleparenting this weekend with Russell in and out of asthma attacks and Genny being a complete psycho. We are the parents of two children with special needs, which means that their behavior is normal for children with special needs, but not normal when compared to other children. In the future, if you are wondering what is up, please call me before posting requesting my patience on facebook. The fact that you'd say that, simply means that you have no idea of the patience I've already demonstrated.