Sometimes being a grownup with ADHD is harder than hell.
Sometimes being a grownup with ADHD and two kids with ADHD is just hell.
We paid $13 for Genny to get her hair cut and she came home last night and cut a chunk of hair out of the side of her head to her scalp.
I feel so frustrated when I deal with her, on visceral level. I want to kill her and then I think it's my fault, so I want to bounce my head off a cement wall until I'm dead. I just can't get through to this child.
We give her choices and options and punishments and nothing ever fucking works. We consistently tell her the same things over and over and over and over. Nothing gets through. I'm scared she's going to be pregnant at 13 or something.
I made her pay for her 2nd haircut. I grounded her. I spanked her. Probably overkill. I'm so frustrated.
I'm crying, praying and crying some more.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
We had a monopoly day.
A monopoly day is where you think you're living one of the community cards sayings. In our case, the saying was:"Bank Error in your favor, collect $150"
I disputed a small overcharge by Napster which amounted to $30 and the sweet bank gal gave us back $245 in bank charges.
Rcok on!
We went to Walmart and bought cheap floaties for the pool and storage boxes. And as a treat, we took the kids to In and Out Burger. Mike kept joking around about going to this really yummy steakhouse. I know he half meant it, but I was the one with restraint who said no.
Because in the process of cleaning our room and I'd found a lot of broken jewelry that needed repair, I bought a few cheap beading items such as: the ear hooks, a few beads for specific purposes and some of those straight wires that let you put a few beads on without them falling off. I already repaired a slew of stuff, but I still have a box to finish with. And I found some really awesome beads that I'd forgotten I had back from my college days.
And yesterday when it was 99 degrees, I was really really glad we had that silly little 3 foot high pool full of colde water.
A monopoly day is where you think you're living one of the community cards sayings. In our case, the saying was:"Bank Error in your favor, collect $150"
I disputed a small overcharge by Napster which amounted to $30 and the sweet bank gal gave us back $245 in bank charges.
Rcok on!
We went to Walmart and bought cheap floaties for the pool and storage boxes. And as a treat, we took the kids to In and Out Burger. Mike kept joking around about going to this really yummy steakhouse. I know he half meant it, but I was the one with restraint who said no.
Because in the process of cleaning our room and I'd found a lot of broken jewelry that needed repair, I bought a few cheap beading items such as: the ear hooks, a few beads for specific purposes and some of those straight wires that let you put a few beads on without them falling off. I already repaired a slew of stuff, but I still have a box to finish with. And I found some really awesome beads that I'd forgotten I had back from my college days.
And yesterday when it was 99 degrees, I was really really glad we had that silly little 3 foot high pool full of colde water.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Well, I begrudged him a day. I couldn't help how residually angry felt and I told him it didn't make sense, but it was how I felt. He was sad I was still angry, but yesterday, we started just playing with each other again and it was sweet.
Last night, we were watching tv and the kids were still up, but during commercials, he'd come over the the couch, make out with me and then go sit down. I felt like his new girlfriend again. It was kinda cool. Make up sex rocks.
We got the pool cleaned and have been out there floating about most evenings. Today is supposed to approach if not hit 100 degrees, so I used a pry bar and got Russell off his chair and the kids and I floated around for half an hour. The temperature of the water is um...bracing. It's been around 75-78 which is kind of nippy. Today it's almost 80, so yeah, summer's here.
I also had Mike check over the swamp cooler. It hadn't been working well and I went out and looked and some of the pads were half dry, which shouldn't be. He ran an algae cleaner through and cleaned out some of the spots and it's a heck of a lot cooler now.
We sealed the house up early this morning and put a towel over the cooler vent, which leads to the hot, uninsulated garage. That one little towel makes a LOT of difference. We often don't run the cooler but for an hour or two in the evening because the house is so well insulated that the cold air from night (it got into the 60s here at 5,000 feet once shut in, keeps us pretty comfortable all day.
I think there may be a way to increase the water flow to the cooler, but Mike said we could at the least run it on low cool, which should do the trick.
Lord, I hope so. I'm worried because this will be a week of hundreds. And with little money, we've got few places to hide from it. I have to say that pool was a great investment. :)
Last night, we were watching tv and the kids were still up, but during commercials, he'd come over the the couch, make out with me and then go sit down. I felt like his new girlfriend again. It was kinda cool. Make up sex rocks.
We got the pool cleaned and have been out there floating about most evenings. Today is supposed to approach if not hit 100 degrees, so I used a pry bar and got Russell off his chair and the kids and I floated around for half an hour. The temperature of the water is um...bracing. It's been around 75-78 which is kind of nippy. Today it's almost 80, so yeah, summer's here.
I also had Mike check over the swamp cooler. It hadn't been working well and I went out and looked and some of the pads were half dry, which shouldn't be. He ran an algae cleaner through and cleaned out some of the spots and it's a heck of a lot cooler now.
We sealed the house up early this morning and put a towel over the cooler vent, which leads to the hot, uninsulated garage. That one little towel makes a LOT of difference. We often don't run the cooler but for an hour or two in the evening because the house is so well insulated that the cold air from night (it got into the 60s here at 5,000 feet once shut in, keeps us pretty comfortable all day.
I think there may be a way to increase the water flow to the cooler, but Mike said we could at the least run it on low cool, which should do the trick.
Lord, I hope so. I'm worried because this will be a week of hundreds. And with little money, we've got few places to hide from it. I have to say that pool was a great investment. :)
Friday, July 04, 2008
I lost it on Mike last night, but he's been working a lot of overtime. I don't mind overtime in and of itself, but he often chooses to stay up very late and then leaves a little late and then feels obligated to stay there late, so we don't see each other. Then he comes home and growls at everyone. The kids all hide in their rooms. He wants to get laid, but frankly, right now, I wouldn't fuck him if he were the last man on earth.
Wednesday night, I was trying to get him a sandwich set up for work because by the time he gets home he's ravening and a raving asshole and I wanted to avoid that. He took a fridge to work, so there's no reason for him not to take a sandwich or the fixings for it, but he didn't. Then he started snarling at me and then he cussed at me and I was about ready to fry his nads and give 'em to the dog. I set up all the stuff in the fridge for him, told him where to find it and left him a small pile of stuff on the table.
I miss my husband. See the guy I married was really sweet and kind. The guy I'm married to now has been a real crabcake lately and it really sucks. I was looking forward to the three day weekend with him. He calls me a half hour late from work to say he wants to either stay or go geohashing tomorrow and then work and then maybe try to find fireworks?
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Well, we're broke, so there's not a really good way to work out dinner for the kids and while there are some video games at his work, it basically means, me sitting there getting yelled at by him while he works on whatever and weirdly enough, yeah...so not interested.
And isn't a three day weekend supposed to be about spending time with your family, doing stuff that everyone would enjoy? And there's something about me spending 2 months home alone doing nothing...nothing I want to do, would like to do, nothing -- no trip to pick blackberries, no trip to the lake, no trip to the cool pool in Minden, nothing. I did so well with shopping that I've not used any of my gas at all.
But I had to spend my gas on his stupid geohashing trip. And no it wasn't far, but it was on the 4th of July. It was my gas and it was NOT something I wanted to do. I would have liked a picnic by the lake, a clean pool at home, just about anything else.
I told him that his frat party with his brother is over. He's a husband and a father and he needs to start thinking about someone other than himself. I also said I was more than happy to make sure he was single again, if he missed being single.
He claims he doesn't.
We'll see.
Wednesday night, I was trying to get him a sandwich set up for work because by the time he gets home he's ravening and a raving asshole and I wanted to avoid that. He took a fridge to work, so there's no reason for him not to take a sandwich or the fixings for it, but he didn't. Then he started snarling at me and then he cussed at me and I was about ready to fry his nads and give 'em to the dog. I set up all the stuff in the fridge for him, told him where to find it and left him a small pile of stuff on the table.
I miss my husband. See the guy I married was really sweet and kind. The guy I'm married to now has been a real crabcake lately and it really sucks. I was looking forward to the three day weekend with him. He calls me a half hour late from work to say he wants to either stay or go geohashing tomorrow and then work and then maybe try to find fireworks?
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Well, we're broke, so there's not a really good way to work out dinner for the kids and while there are some video games at his work, it basically means, me sitting there getting yelled at by him while he works on whatever and weirdly enough, yeah...so not interested.
And isn't a three day weekend supposed to be about spending time with your family, doing stuff that everyone would enjoy? And there's something about me spending 2 months home alone doing nothing...nothing I want to do, would like to do, nothing -- no trip to pick blackberries, no trip to the lake, no trip to the cool pool in Minden, nothing. I did so well with shopping that I've not used any of my gas at all.
But I had to spend my gas on his stupid geohashing trip. And no it wasn't far, but it was on the 4th of July. It was my gas and it was NOT something I wanted to do. I would have liked a picnic by the lake, a clean pool at home, just about anything else.
I told him that his frat party with his brother is over. He's a husband and a father and he needs to start thinking about someone other than himself. I also said I was more than happy to make sure he was single again, if he missed being single.
He claims he doesn't.
We'll see.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
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