Our dishwasher does grumbly cranky things when it starts. It's a dingy white beat up gear grinder that we've been struggling through with because we didn't want to buy a new one, just yet. It's getting to the point to where it doesn't entirely wash things well. Recently, Russell busted a wheel on it, so one of the racks sticks, and generally, it's a POS.

So today, we went to Home Depot, expecting to buy sprinkler heads and chicken fencing. Out front, they were selling discounted appliances. We bought a brand new Maytag washer (a couple small scratches on the front) for $219. It was originally twice that.

What's spiffy is that it's black, so it'll match the rest of the kitchen appliances and because it's a maytag, it's a fancy appliance for making our house worth more. Whee! I'm also fairly sure we can just replace the banged up panel on the front, if we get itchy about it. For now, I'm perfectly happy with it.

You know you're having a doozy of a period when...

• you miss your IUD


• you are forced to cough up the head of the child you just bit off


• you have to do the same for your husband


• you'd give your left ovary to science just for 6 months of peace a year


• you've taken all the ibuprofen in the house, gathered it in a pile and threatened your household with bodily harm if they EVEN THINK about touching it


• you've done the same with all the chocolate


• your husband "takes the kids to the park" when it's 100 degrees outside


• all your black underwear is Missing in Action


• you get up to pee at 3am and realize as that telltale drip goes down your leg, you have to have a shower. Right. That. Minute.


• you're starting to believe all that God cursed women crap because God knows if men had periods, there wouldn't be monthly suffering


• you are starting to wish you were breast feeding because it means a year of NO PERIODS!


• You wish wholeheartedly that you were pregnant, despite the vasectomy, because at least in labor they gave you an epidural.

You know, it's hard being such a Princess of Home Ec.

One of my neighbors called and she invited us up to dinner to pick apricots. I started to think: I'm not sure about apricots nor what to do with them, but like everything else, I'm sure they can be canned! It's a sickness, I'm sure.

I also have been eyeing over the fruit on my plum tree. To tell you the truth, it looks like a prune tree -- the fruit is small, meaty, and really seemingly designed more for drying. It's not ripe yet, so I'll have to give it a shot, but that's what I think.

Also, the peach tree is about to burst. Some of the fruit is yellowing up -- I'm thinking peaches in a few weeks here. Those I will not make a bunch of jam with, but they will become yummy yummy jars of canned peaches. I will make one small batch of jam. I have this vision of my head of peach jam with cinnamon added in. I keep thinking of Holes where the one kid survived on canned peaches he found. I figure if the world goes to shit tomorrow, I'll have food put up, anyhow.

I had meant to mail out several diabetic friends' blackberry jam yesterday. It's mostly fruit with a smidge of splenda with lime juice to help preserve it -- very lip smackin'. (You'll have to keep it refrigerated once you open it!) It's going to go out tomorrow when I go to bring my eggs to the store in town. I think for as few eggs as the darned chickens are laying, I ought to just hang a shingle out here. I'd probably sell them all that way and I could get better money without having to go somewhere.

---

Russell got evaluated for Sensory Integration. Apparently, he's got issues. One of the options is "brushing" which is something you have to do every two hours. I'm lucky if I can stay conscious for two hours, so I'm not really willing to return to the days of the two hour feeding schedule. The occupational therapist knows I'm health-compromised, so she gave us another alternative -- it's music with special headphones. Between the frequencies of the music and the headphones, it's supposed to help.

I thought it was kind of hokey, but I've talked to parents who swear by it for their kids. It's one of those things that they say you can see a difference pretty quickly, if it's going to work for your kid. It's early yet, but I think it does help him to get his stuff together better. Tonight, at the witching hour -- that time between 8-930 when his meds have worn off and he's really super bouncy before bed, he lacked the whiny butt stuff he usually has. He was bouncy without being mean, argumentative about every single point, and generally, nice. He'd just listened to the tape while walking with Dad, so I'm hesitant to say, "Wow, big difference" It seems more subtle than that, so I'm just going to give it more time and see what the cumulative difference is.

Earlier today, he was vehemently talking back about something really stupid, but he was very incorrect in his assumptions and I'm trying to talk to him nicely about it, and finally, I was starting to lose it because I needed him to do what I had asked and stop arguing. I was trying to get food and I'd forgotten breakfast, so I was just about losing my mind anyhow.

I suggested that perhaps he should try the earphones. Of course, being that he has sensory issues, he initially hates having the earphones on and he hates putting the fanny pack on that holds the cd player. Once he has them on, everything's fine, it's that 'tween spot where you can just sort of feel him crawling up a wall.

I listened to the CD briefly and I was feeling icked out by it. It made me feel a little queasy. They alternate betweeen high and low frequencies and even volume levels; I just wanted to rip off the headphones and fling them in a deep well. However, it doesn't seem to phase Russell. Either he's being a real trooper or it helps, is my thought.

Time will tell.

Okay, rare for me to post twice in one day, but I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more.

I am livid at retailers who think that my 4 year old child should be dressing like a hoochy mama. Nevermind, that Mary Kate and Ashley, as featured at Walmart, have some pretty hoochy clothes -- showing midriff, cleavage, and way too much leg. Yo, I'd like my daughter to be able to bend over to pick up her dolly without showing the world her Winnie-The-Pooh underwear, okay? Nevermind, that I have to frequently sew a ruffle or a wide eyelet lace on a dress because dresses are short AND my daughter's tall, but today, a local radio station said that a "unnamed retailer" was featuring kids in fishnet stockings and mini skirts.

I thought -- oh, probably some little place in town -- just bad taste and stuff. So Genny brings me the newspaper (she calls it "the mail") and I poke around. No, it's a freakin' national chain! Someone should know better.

If you want to see the ad, you can put in 89502 for the zip code and skip to page 15 on their site. The two girls on the ends are wearing fishnet hose. The one on the right is wearing a faux leather mini skirt WITH fishnet hose. Note, that on the first page, the teenaged boy is grabbing the teenaged girls ass. I'm sorry, but what kind of message is that sending? I never thought I'd be flipped out about clothes or even clothes in a Gottschalks' ad, but I don't think it's cool to have kids as "sexy." Kids aren't sexy -- they're kids with a right to their childhood!

The day my under-18-years -old daughter wears a leather (faux or no) mini skirt with fishnet hose is the day, I rip all the clothes off her back and put her in a flour sack. Apparently, the sneakers with fishnet and mini skirts is all the rage and is supposed to cushion the blow of the idea that girls 12 and under are featured dressed or expected to dress like prostitutes.

I am thrilled, nay ecstatic that we don't get MTV, nor will we any time soon. Apparently, the sneakers with fishnet and mini skirts is all the rage for 4 year old! Children are drawing their fashion concepts from such fashion iconic white trash as Britney Spears. Joy.

I think we all go through our rebel stage at some point in our 20's when we wear that crap, but we thought we were cool and we were young women scamming for young men! To stick clothes like that on a kid is sick and it's wrong.

I'm not a heavy caffeine drinker -- maybe a diet soda or two a day. But I found out that Starbucks has frozen coffee. It's been in the 90's-100's all week. Furthermore, I've discovered that if I don't have my frozen cafe latte with sugarfree hazelnut syrup, I start jonesing for one. Serious wood, baby.

I've stayed away from coffee for so long and now, I'm becoming coffee's biatch again. Today, I graduated to Venti, where I had been hovering over Grande (the middling size).

And I sold my soul to Starbucks no less.

I'm so ashamed.

Um, did you see where I put down my coffee?

Russell has been on a new medication regimen to help him gain weight. They changed his bedtime med to something that increases his appetite and he hasn't been chowing down, particularly, but he is eating more than he used to.

However, he had been looking gaunt -- his facial features were angular and a little gray. He looked to me like one of the starving children of Africa, but he was in my house. I was prepared to take him off meds for the summer, put up with his shit, and just feed him.

We took him to the doctor and in one and a half months the child has put on 10lbs and 2 inches of height! I cried. He jumped for joy!

This weekend, I made a big stink of going through all his clothes, so I could inventory what he needs for school. You couldn't have wiped the joy off that kid's face if you tried as pants, jeans, jammies, and shirts were put in the "too small" pile.

Everyone's been commenting on how tall he's getting.

Why, yes. Yes, he is.

We're getting nervous about finances.

Mike's company has been great to us. When he got hired, they gave a lot of good stuff, including stock options which he could cash out on the anniversary of his hire date or hold onto for up to a decade. The stock has split since we owned it, which means we've got a lot more of it. We used one year's stock to have money together to buy our house. We used stock to pay medical bills, clothe my friend's daughter, feed/entertain children, and a few other things, last year.

Because the stock was worth so much, we planned things. We planned on me not going to work or school and being able to start taking care of myself; we planned on paying off all the cards, but one; we planned on putting Genny in preschool; we planned on having cards paid off for backup money for our trip to Orlando in December -- for which we've already bought $1200 in unrefundable tickets for.

Recently, the stock has lost half its value -- mostly due to nervous nellies -- but that loss is kicking our ass because I don't know what the hell we'll do now. We were going to part with some of it and retain some of it in reserve, but we've lost over $6K. There's no reserve. We don't want to cash out all of it because we know it'll come back up, but we can hardly afford not to at least cash out some, which means we'll be losing our butts.

The problem is that if I still have the credit card bills this fall -- we're pretty hosed. I've got absolutely no extra money for anything or anyone. I promised Russell something special for his birthday and Genny preschool in the fall. Now, I'm juggling the budget like a circus freak to keep my word.

I went and saw Mike's grandparents last night. I drove up yesterday and we had a nice time. The kids really enjoyed it, but admittedly, the sleeping arrangments were difficult. Because they're "camping out," we had to sleep on inflatable beds, which while not in and of itself a big deal, ended up being problematic because every time you move on them they make that rubbery fart sound.

So last night, Genny spent nearly two hours fooling around with the zipper on her sleeping bag on the floor until I scolded her and she conked at 1030. Russell then started making bed-farting noises about 430 this morning on the bed -- which was awful. On top of that, I brought the face mask and only part of the nose gear for my breathing machine and the mask just has to be squeezed too tight on my face to feel good and after I'd already moved the beds around, I realized I'd apparently selected the inflatable bed with the slow leak. After listening to Russell's bed make farting noises while he tossed and turned, it was at this point that it occurred to me that a separate room for all of our Orlando vacation might be good. Although, with Russell, we forgot his sleeping meds, so that may have been a contributing factor for him.

I tried to sleep this afternoon, but just laid in bed with my eyes closed for an hour because my TMJ thingy is in the car and it's a hundred degrees and I'm too butt tired and cranky to go get it.

Color me pitiful.

On the super news front, not only am I getting enough oxygen at night, but the endicrinologist I saw tripled my thyroid meds. Give me a few weeks, and I bet you I'll be a shiny new member of the human race.

I worked on a wilderness crew and a soil conservation crew for a few summers in college. I know that fire is important for the replenishment of the land, but the drought we've had here is truly the worst ever recorded and as a result, the fire danger is also the worst ever. Also, deserts are truly fragile ecosystems that can take a long time to replace. We don't have seeds that need a burn to work. We have a very small spectrum of plants that live here, in fact.

I'm all for controlled burns and I don't think they do them enough. I think controlled burns are a good means of preventing this level of destruction, though I don't think they could do it well here because of the changeability of the winds here. We maintain defensible space around our house, but you could tell that that was not the case for many of the people who lost houses. Also, shake rooves count as a predictor for what burns and what does, something we also do not have. I saw Bob Vila yesterday talking about enviroshakes, which look like shakes, but do not have the flammability of real shakes and he was talking about how much research went into them and I was thinking how it would be nice if we had more research into stuff like that for the materials that we build houses with -- just for such an occasion. Wouldn't it be cool if you knew your house had a good chance of surviving the fire because you used fire resistant building materials in a situations like this?

Overall, I think fire is a good thing for the environment. Yosemite, for example, posts on their website where the controlled burns are, so people don't freak -- Yosemite has had a number of burns that were not controlled that you can see as you drive through.

However, it's sad to see the areas with homes dotted up the hill, where I know families -- my neighbors-- lost houses. We get a lot more media coverage of it than you guys do, so maybe it's the combination of the sad stories and the visualization that goes with it. I think for me, it's what all that charring means to the 14 families who lost their homes, especially because many of them were retired, so that starting again at their age is a monumental undertaking in their lives. Bad smoke for me means a lot of medication, but so far it's been treatable. Mike's boss sent pictures out -- the fire was so close to his house that it melted the drip line on the landscaping. There's a picture of him packing up his truck, while the smoke and flames billow over his roof.

Fortunately, this is a very tightly-knit community, so people are pitching in a lot of donations, assistance, and just general good will. I know when they make a call for volunteers to reseed the mountains, that they'll probably have more volunteers than seeds.

I've been worrying about the fire, so sleeping has been difficult, so I'm tired, but I'm okay. We had to get up early today and clean for Donna and Gorden to come over because Gorden was coming to show Mike how to fix the dryer.

I drove to get groceries for lunch in town.

The whole hillside is black for miles. One place was an island of homes in the midst of a charred black forest. You could tell that that was where firefighters must have been making a stand to save houses. The worst night was on Thursday, when they closed the highway. I could only watch the flames rip up the hill, I can only imagine what homeowners must have felt to be forced to leave and just wait and wonder if their home would be there in the morning and how frightened and heroic firefighters had to be to prevent it from jumping the road and keep it from burning any of those houses, after losing a bunch earlier in the day in the other canyon. Seeing the blackened trees on the ridge as I approached, the tears started. When I saw the island, and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't help it. I saw a couple helicopters picking up loads of retardant and I felt more heartened, but the lump in my throat remained -- I could see the smoking canyons, the eerie shadowed ground behind the hovering copter.

But more than anything, I feel humbled and thankful. I was humbled by the sheer magnitude of the destruction. The high school letter on the hill was surrounded by blackened ground, for example. I was thankful that they didn't let it jump across the road, where it could have come to our house and taken away our home and at the same time, they protected that island of houses.
I know it's only stuff and it's all replaceable, but a lot of those people are elderly people who should be able to relax in their old age -- not start again, not endure having to figure out where they would live for the next year or so while their house got rebuilt.

I liked what one of the people who lost his home said in reply to a question about whether or not he would rebuild: "Oh, yeah! I'm rebuilding! Now, that it's burnt, there won't be a fire here for a long long time."

You go, cowboy.

The fire has died down some, but the smoke has not. It was
getting in the house today. I dusted a little because everything
has a black film on it and it's kind of gross.



I am having trouble breathing, sometimes. We called Mike's
grandparents to see if we can escape to their place, and we may yet do
that.



Tired and going to bed!

Fire update – 8200 acres. Fire burned actively all night. Concerns today are with the NW and W flanks which are threatening homes in Lakeview subdivision and Washoe Valley. RH today is expected to be between 5-9% with gusty winds. Martin’s Type 1 Team will transition with the Sierra Front Type 2 Team at 1800. Vehicles lost in the burn-over yesterday include a Carson City Heavy Rescue Unit, a Lyon County Brush Engine, a Forest Service truck, and the Channel 8 news van. The news reporter and firefighter from Lyon county suffered burns to their hands. An Accident Investigation Team is enroute as well as a Critical Incident Stress Management Team.

It's heading in the direction of where I live. It's gone up 6200 acres overnight. We're not in immediate danger. Mike and I said that we should worry in two days if they've got no containment because it wouldn't be much to just hop the ravine and make a run for us.

There is a nearby fire over 2000 acres burning like mad on the south side of the valley we live in.

They've lost 9 houses, a bunch of fire trucks, one news truck, a business, and a bunch of out buildings. The place we buy our feed had outbuildings on fire. This is a really agricultural area, so apparently, there's livestock wandering around all over the place. There's been a lot of volunteers to take in livestock and vehicles until people can go back to their homes, but a guy on TV said he packed his stuff and his family into the car and left his cattle in the field. The fire crews were fighting to protect the livestock, but he figured they were out wandering around. They've asked folks to stay off the roads where we live because there is so much livestock around and they're trying to capture it before they get up into the BLM land and they don't want drivers to hit it.

Mostly, the fire seems to be heading south away from us, which kind of lets us off the hook a little. I was going to go blackberrying tomorrow, but I'm probably going to go drop off a box of stuffed animals and toys at the evacuation center and stay home and inside, as the smoke has been really rugged on my asthma.

The fire appears to have "laid down" a little -- there's a lot less smoke because it's gotten a bit chilly with the sunset, but we have drastic temperature changes (94-55) because we're at 4000-5000 feet and those will make winds run down the hill along with flames into the houses and businesses.

I don't think we're in danger at this time, but I'm concerned about the progress the fire has made over the hillside on the other side and the winds for tomorrow. They have absolutely no control over this fire at this time. Mike and Russell pulled all brush to the far side of the corral away from all of our structures and cleared the front of weeds and a small pile of brush -- defensible space. Our bags are packed, in case.

All this because some teenagers were partying.

Today, I put up 5 quarts of blackberry jam. I've got a fridge full of blueberries, too, so I'm going to do some low-sugar jam with blueberries and blackberries for me and my diabetic pals. This afternoon, I had to go get the CPAP machine adjusted, so Sarah came along and watched the kids at McD's playland, whilest I got adjusted. Then, we took the kids swimming. Sarah, sweet bear that she is, watched the kids while I did 25 minutes of aquacizing. Afterwards, I felt pretty good.

I came and swam with the kids a little; Russell the sure sinker boy, usually, showed me a beautiful back float. You have to understand that I've spent years watching this skinny wisp of a kid sink like a stone, sob uncontrollably in frustration that he wasn't floating yet, and just doggedly trying over and over again. It's kind of like the Mt. Everest of swimming for Russell that he is able to float.

I reserved our last five minutes at the pool for me to be with Genny. Genny loves to try floating, but only in my arms. I can stick one hand between her shoulder blades and she'll let her legs dangle and contentedly lay out. The nanosecond that my hand moves, she's standing up in the pool (won't do it herself, but soooo close) begging me to do it again. Today, we were in the middle of doing this and this little girl I'd never seen before comes up to me and demands very loudly,"Who ARE you?!" I looked at her surprised and said,"Who are YOU?!" She says,"My name is Ariana BlahBlah and I'm her friend." (indicating Genny) I said,"Oh, I'm her Mommy and I'm playing with her right now."

A: "You can't do that! Mommies don't play." (What kind of mother do you have, kid?)
Genny excitedly: "I'm learning to float right now!"
Me:"Well, I'm helping her learn to float. Want to see?"
A: "No. I want to play with her. She needs to stop floating and come play with me."
Genny excitedly(floating):"Look, I'm floating!"
Me (shrugging): "Well, she's floating and playing with me, right now."
A: "Well, she should be playing with me."
Lifeguard:"Everyone out. It's 430."

Saved by the bell. Hey, Ariana, don't let that tidal wave splash your ass on the way out of the pool, okay? My last crummy five minutes and I've got to duke it out with Ariana to hang with my four year old social butterfly. Yesterday, she made friends with David in the checkout line in Walmart (Yes, I worship the dark lord of Cheap). They had invited each other to each other's houses. (Not on the first date, dammit.) I'm not sure if that says something about the gregarious nature of Genny or the length of the line, though.

___

On health fronts...

So, the pulmonologist upped the pressure on my CPAP machine and with any luck at all, that'll do the trick. In a week, I do an overnight pulse oxygen test to see how it's working. The respiratory therapist and I went through the mask fitting and trying gamut. I think I've got a couple of new things to try when the insurance will let me. In the interim, I'm hoping to feel human tomorrow. The only thing I worry about is that rib stretching thing that happened before -- with the advent of the new machine, my ribs and back were KILLING me -- all that work and all in my sleep, dontcha know. And me, fresh out of vicodan.

On the new diabetic meds, my sugars just aren't as good and because they started to creep up, I had to increase the meds, and my GI tract isn't having a good time of it. The PA had warned me that this was a side effect. I may be adjourning to the porcelain goddess butt altar more frequently, but my ankles are not the least bit puffy. Hopefully, the GI unpleasantness will resolve quickly and I'll be my usual bouncy self and I'll get to keep my brand spanking new ankles. I may even be able to be seen in sandals again.

Either that or there may just be pigs flying out of my butt and I'll keep wearing socks.

Well, my cherry trees are plum trees afterall. Canning plums sounds just plain disgusting, bringing back memories of stewed prunes in my elementary cafeteria. I wondered about jam, so I went websurfing. I found a recipe for raspberry-plum jam on the net. After mentioning the raspberry-plum jam to Mike, he suggested we should go blackberrying.

Thus, this morning, we got up, stuffed a couple of coolers (with soda, sandwich fixings, and one with bowls and ice) in the car and drove about 1.5 hours away to pick blackberries. We took a break and went to a Mel's diner to have a cold drink and relax, and told the owner we'd been berrying (because the kids' faces were smeared with berry juice and our clothes looked pretty ratty from stepping through the brush). The guy was said that if I brought him a few berries, he'd give us our "break food" free, in the future. I asked him for a cup and gave him some berries just 'cuz and he was about speechless. I didn't think blackberries could have that effect on people. But, I may have to go back next weekend for free lemonades/diet coke and zucchini sticks. :)

I think I got sunburned through my shirt a little and on my face, despite my broad- brimmed straw hat and spf45. I've got scratches all over my arms and legs. The moral of the story in this instance is that I will wear jeans next time, just black ones for the staining, instead of the $5 thin pants from Kmart. I usually get an occasional scratch in jeans, but I'm pretty torn up from wearing the thin pants. My shorts wearing will be limited and my dresses will be long. I had to shower to loofa the skin pulls and thorns out of my skin. When I undressed, all the brush crumbs and raspberry fur fell out of my clothes.

We all had fun, picked somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 quarts of berries. I've got to go buy pectin, sugar, and sugarless pectin tomorrow for a couple different versions of jam. The plums should be here in a couple weeks, and we have already scouted out where to find blackberries at higher elevations, which should be ripe to coincide with the plum harvest.

Russell at one point asked if I was tired of picking berries, to which Mike replied somewhat incredulously,"Are you kidding? Your mom would stay out here and pick them in the dark, if she could." Is this just a mental illness thing on my part to love berrying?

I just thought it was cool to take the kids because it's just something different to do. We were careful to explain to Genny, that she has to taste them to know what ones are good to pick. Russell would ask,"Is this one good to pick?" And we'd say,"Eat it and see." I remember berrying with my mom and just loving it. Half the fun is that every third berry goes into your can.

Taking the whole family was really fun, til the kids got tired, and then we just piled in the car and headed home -- it was nice not to be on a schedule. We stopped at the lake to get dinner at Denny's and then finished the last leg of the trip watching the sun set over the lake and heading over the summit home.

Tomorrow, I can and bake, for today, I have purple stained fingertips and fingernails, which I will have to scrub carefully and often, to not look have Addams' family fingers.

Well, I got up and aquacized leisurely for about an hour. A woman, apparently lonely for an ear, talked my ear off for half of the time, and I finally had to excuse myself to get home. I know I do it, too, but this complete stranger told me a lot of intimate details about her life I didn't necessarily want to know. What further annoyed me is that she was stupid about herself.

She went on about how she was tired and her back has been bothering her and she's put on weight and her mother has apnea and I asked,"Why don't you get checked for apnea? It runs in families, you know." She had a lot of excuses for why she didn't and I thought to myself how glad I was that I don't make those kinds of excuses. I get seen. And with my weight, no more excuses. I'm going to do what I have to get healthy. I'm putting aside everything for it. I want to live to see my kids grow up.

My mom does that -- makes excuses for why she doesn't seek immediate medical help for serious shit and my brother and I -- we're both of the mind that you go see a damned doctor if you're not better.

After my workout, I promptly crawled into bed exhausted, slept for 2.5 hours until Russell woke me up and told me he needed me to get the chicken grain out of the car. I looked at the time, groaned, and crawled out of bed feeling like something the cat dragged in and regurgitated a few times and I felt logier than hell all day. I started to think about the pool stranger with her unattended health issues and called my doctor and said,"I still feel like crap, I want to get seen."

The doc said they wouldn't increase my thyroid meds without bloodwork, so they ordered the bloodwork. I also confided that I had had facial swelling and really bad edema -- not the garden variety stuff that I usually get in the summer; my exact words were "My face looks like a blowfish in the mornings and it only gets marginally better over the course of the day and moves to my ankles." To which the PA said,"You always have summer edema." "Yeah, but this is way worse. My ankles slopped over my sandals last night, despite the fact that my sugars were fine." Then, add to that that I always feel like I have a lump in my throat and I think something serious is going on. I told her that my muscles have been sore, too.

I also griped about my weight. The PA said,"Well, that's been an ongoing issue." I said,"Well, I couldn't do much about it when I was oxygen deprived and I can't do much about it if I can barely get out of my chair and I *WANT* to do something about it. I took a two hour nap after working out this morning and I had to PRY myself out of bed afterwards!"

Facial edema is a symptom of hypothyroidism. It may be unrelated, but dude. Blow. Fish. Because of apparent throat swelling shit, I am concerned it's not the usual thyroid issue, but something more icky. Big fun. Because I am breathing through my nose all night on the CPAP, it's not from the swollen tonsils either.

The PA and my doc had exchanged notes and had decided to change my diabetic meds from actos (side effects include edema) to glucophage (side effects include weight loss -- score!). If my sugars get unruly, I am to increase it.

My sugars haven't been the problem, particularly. My exhaustion is.

I want to do stuff with my kids, but with about one good day a week, that's not likely to happen soon. I did managed to get my room picked up and a bunch of trash out this morning, and convinced Genny to clean her room. I took the kids to McD's playland to eat and play. I did the crossword puzzle. I didn't play air hockey with Russell, but did a crossword and gave him money and convinced him to ask another kid about his age to play him. I always win and I feel bad that and I was damned tired. I'd rather he had someone to play at his level and the whole idea of trying to keep track of Genny, the puck, and not being a grumpy snot was overwhelming. After the doctor appointment, I swam today with the kids this afternoon for about 20 minutes and wow, if I'm not wiped again.

This blows. And not fish either.

So we are talking serious edema -- I've got elephant ankles like you wouldn't believe and there's not a good reason for it. I've been walking, working, and busy; my sugars are good; I have no idea what's up. I just keep thinking in my head that if I call my doctor he's just going to yell at me and tell me to exercise.

My problem is that I've been so sick for so long that it's hard to do much right now. I walked all over Costco yesterday and my feet and legs are KILLING me. I walked up the hill a little and was completely winded. I'm not used to being this bad off. It scares me.

Tomorrow morning, I'm setting the clock for 6AM and going to the pool. I don't know how much exercise I'll be up to doing, but I figure at least I can move in the water -- even if it's just slowly treading water and it'll be something. I don't know if it will help the edema, but it'll help my frame of mind, which is also a good thing.

I also think my thyroid isn't quite there yet because I am dealing with the muscle soreness shit. I've been feeling better and more energetic since I have been using the machine for my apnea, but I'm still a little logey and draggy. Yesterday, I was a bad patient and I actually took a half tab more of my thyroid meds and felt really good. I think I have to take my meds for another week at their current level and I may be able to go get another blood test. If the test comes back that things aren't too high, then I can request a step up in meds. I am afraid to tell the doctor that I fucked around with the meds, but I hate feeling so close, yet so far.

I got my anti-bunny pee and my fruit tree netting. Tomorrow, I will begin testing each against pests.

Oh, and I've got plum trees not cherry trees. So I found a recipe for raspberry-plum jam. Yum! I don't think I'm up for canned plums -- that whole stewed prunes for the elementary school cafeteria dessert nightmare still haunts me. I'm thinking I might drive to California and berry pick and then I'll invite Mel and Donna up and we'll have a canning hoe-down.

The thing that worries me, too, is that I'm waking up very red-faced and flushed and I don't know what to attribute that to. I know that apnea can make you have high blood pressure, but I don't have high blood pressure. I looked up thyroid stuff and nope. I know that sometimes people who drink have that, but I don't drink. *sigh* I looked at the American Diabetes Site and it said nothing about the flushed stuff. I should probably go get checked.

I swear, I'm getting scared enough to consider gastric bypass surgery, but that's a whole 'nother kind of scary.

The fourth was nice. Everyone ate way too much, the kids had fun, and I walked around my old 'hood where the crazy landlords used to drive me ...well, crazy. OK, so it's not a long trip, but you know what I mean.

The most fun was had by all with the pavement poppers. I was sneaking them to Donna and she was tossing them at Tiffy's feet and Tiffy was having a fit. At first Tiffy blamed me, and then Donna inferred that it was not me, while I laughed helplessly hysterical at how mad Tiffy was at me.

I did managed to toss one under Russell's butt as if he'd um...lit one. He was only interested in vengeance after that but was bribed when I gave him some of my poppers and told him to back off my Kool-aid.

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The sleep deprivation is better, but now I have a bloody nose problem. It never ends, does it? It's not ALL better, but it's getting there. Now, I just have to get my ass out there and moving. I'm hating my body right now -- too fat and too much. It's awful!

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LaDawn's renewal of vows was yesterday. Oddly enough, I found myself being the one who toasted at the event. It was odd. I found myself saying everything right, as if in a dream and my final words were,"To new beginnings."

I keep thinking about that. With the advent of the diagnosis of sleep apnea and hypothyroidism, I have a chance at a new beginning. I'll be working at that.

The mask is not working so hot. Apparently, they should have given me a chin strap to keep my damned mouth shut. Frankly, I would have preferred hush money, but what to do, what to do.

This shit sounds kinkier and kinkier.

Anyhow, tonight, I try the new and improved full face mask. My hope is that I'll breath my way through a good night's sleep and generally feel like a human being in the morning. Unfortunately, today, I felt like less of a human being and that rather sucked.

I did enjoy tonight's thunderstorm, however. It was really kind of wonderful. I watched this loud raucous thunderstorm kind of slip within a mile of us over the mountains to the east. I drove the car up and followed it a little looking for lightning and thunder. I saw a rainbow. I drove back home and watched the rainbow disappearing and at first, I couldn't imagine that all the rain was gone, but then I realized that the rainbow was setting with the sun dropping behind the Sierras to the West. I've never seen a rainbow set before. I swear I live in heaven.
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Before I embarked on my storm chasing adventures, I saw Spider Man 2 with the Boy. He flopped around like a fish in the scary scenes and then I was wondering if I really should have taken him. Usually, he asks to hold my hand now and then, but today, he was clinging like a fabric softener sheet to my arm. I think he was doing it to some degree for the attention, but I'm going to seriously rethink taking him to the next movie of the same genre.

And me -- usually, I'm the wiggly one, thought it was interesting and enjoyed it.

Spiderman commentary (I don't think I'm ruining anything, but read at your own risk):


How does one refer to web dysfunction as a result of a relationship? Should Spiderman take some kind of arachnid viagra for that? If he has to take a minute to slip into his costume, does he also down his arachnid viagra for his web dysfunction? Am I crazy to just get the irony that Dr. Oct is an eight-limbed critter, as is a spider? Or am I just really slow on the uptake?

Well, I have been rather oxygen deprived. That's the excuse I'm going with anyhow.

Per Sue's website:

You're Canada! People make fun of you a lot, but they're stupid because you've got a much better life than they do. In fact, they're probably just jealous. You believe in crazy things like human rights and health care and not dying in the streets, and you end up securing these rights for yourself and others.

If it weren't for your weird affection for ice hockey, you'd be the perfect person.Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

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Yes, I want to save the world. What of it?

And how did they know about my deep affection for ice hockey. At least they didn't know about the figure skating, snowshoeing, and cross-country skiing.

Ay-unh.