And here are my "get out of my way, I'm driving" bitches

To Whom It May Concern:

Dammit, Granny. I'd just like to say that while yes, that's a rare shade of green worthy of admiration, it's also a green light, grandma. Please start driving 15 mph, so I have a chance of getting my errands done before I get as old as you are.

And Mr. Didn'tBotherToEvenFucking Look? Please feel free to at least GLANCE before you cross three lanes of traffic to nearly crash into the side of my brand new car. Yes, and wipe that suprised look off your face because I flipped you off. You damned well deserved it! With six lanes of traffic, I don't see any need to share one lane with you. That's not what the "merge" sign meant! Jimmy Cliff didn't mean *that* in "We all are one."

Dear Asshole who wants to drive five miles below the speed limit in the fast lane, Please note that on a 4 lane highway, that the two lanes on our side of the road are referred to as the fast lane and the slow lane. Thus, when you are driving 5-10 miles below the speed limit, it is considered the act of a courteous driver to signal, look for other drivers and move your big ass Winnebago over. Additionally, speeding up when people try to pass you on the right because they've given up on you being courteous enough to move to the slow lane is also rude. Please don't be surprised when I involuntarily thrust my middle finger in the air as I pass your gas hog vehicle of death.

Dear Maggot in a souped-up 80's vehicle, I have a truck and that much mass takes a half second for its get up and go to get up and go. Please be patient and try not to run me off the road. I have two small children that I'd like to see grow up. Honestly, I'd like to see you grow up, too. And get a new car...that look is well...so 80's!

Dear Little Kid on a Bike at the bottom of a curved blind hill, Please ask your parents to watch you better. I wasn't driving too fast, so I was able to stop and move so that other car that didn't see you til the last gasp got by. I know a lot of people around here do drive fast, and next time you might not be so lucky. Please be careful, honey.

Dear Oregon Driver, Please go back to Oregon. You can't drive there either, but at least we can avoid visiting your state and having to deal with you.

Dear Crazy Boston Limo Driver, Thanks for not killing us or hitting any other vehicle. My husband should have been wearing depends for all those near misses, but he changed his underwear at the airport, so it's all good.

Sincerely,
Ruby