So, today, I went off the percocet. Apparently, percocet's constipating effects go away immediately. I got up from taking percocet early this morning, so took some tylenol instead and then promptly spent the day visiting the porcelain goddess with my butt.

Russell and I went to the local deli and got him a pizza and I had two push up pops. Then we went to Walmart to buy groceries and I paid homage to the porcelain goddess there -- somewhere between buying non-fat sour cream and buying prune juice. Actually, I'm fairly certain I cleared the entire women's room.

An entire week of toxins trying to leave unsuccessfully -- hey, you'd clear the women's room, too.

Mostly, I bought groceries because I'd gotten these big brown eyed gazes from my son and husband about how we we were out of everything. Buttheads.

Apparently, I'm supposed to crawl out of my sickbed and buy it for them.

So today, I was feeling better, so I went to Walmart.

I got through Walmart and got out to the car and was sooo light-headed. I figured low on sugar was the culprit because I haven't done a damned thing for days and I'd had all of one otter pop and a couple of push-pops and thought I should run track loops through Walmart. I had Russell unload the cart and that was okay. I took him to Jack-in-the-box because they had the only really yummy shakes of all the fast food places where we were.

When I got home, I left instruction on the dissemination of the groceries with Russell and crawled into bed after writing Mike the following email:

Subject: I went, I shopped...

I went home and passed out. Next time, I want to go shopping, say endearingly to me,"No, sweetheart, I wanted to look for something, so let's go together."

I won't be too suspicious and I might actually be high enough on percocet to fall for it.

What was I thinking.

Passing out,

Wendy

I think he might have figured it out when he came home and found me out cold in bed some 3 hours later. He might also be suspicious about the peeled paint in the bathroom.