Well, I didn't sleep well last night. That's two Sundays that that's happened. I think it's because Sunday is the last day of the weekend and I'm kind of stuck hurrying up and finishing up what I want to get done, so I do too much and my knee kicks back.

Yesterday, in fumbling about into the bathroom, I did something so awful to my knee that I absolutely could not tolerate weight on it at all, so I was trying to swing my body around on my one good leg or just use the tiptoe of the bad leg. I'm just too damned fat for that. Last night, unfortunately was a function of pain -- in its purest and most dreadful form, so I tossed and turned and struggled with the agony. Then I got up several times, adjusted position, pillows, blankets, etc. and thought seriously about taking far more vicodan than I should, but I didn't. I just put up with it.

I got up this morning, exhausted, drove Bear to physical therapy a few minutes early and then went to the nice warm therapy pool and worked out. I did a bunch of arm stuff, including jumping up and down on my good leg. The use of my icky leg was completely out of the question. After the workout, I called and left a message with my doctor's office that I had to be able to rent a wheelchair for a while til I get right and that I really wanted them to call and let me know when we were going to be scheduling the arthroscopy because it's been a damned week already.

I got a song and dance about that it would be soon and that I should be getting called soon, and was promised a call this afternoon that I never got, regarding the wheelchair. I'm going to have to call and bitch tomorrow, too. That alone is exhausting, frankly.

I came home after my workout, slept for an hour and a half, and then went to LaDawn's to watch kids while she learns to train her baby horse for riding. While the two girls slept, I kept watch with Kylie til her mom got there. I found a flower catalog and this 2 year old and I went through it and decided what flowers we liked. She told me which ones she liked and which ones she wanted to get for her mommy.

I, of course, liked all the purple ones, but she really liked the pink ones and swore that's what her mommy likes, too. I kept identifying the colors she was pointing out -- I figured that even dreaming about flowers can be educational. We found butterfly hair clips on the table and an empty little plastic container that had been in one of those bubblegum machines in stores that has some kid-type toy in it. She's at that age where she likes to put things into other things. I put one of the butterfly clips in the bubble thing and she kept putting something in there and taking it out and having me snap it shut. Then we found a very tiny game of Trouble -- like keychain size and I showed her how to push the bubble. She thought that was a lot of fun. She colored a picture of trumpets and we made pretend trumpets with our hands and giggled. In some ways, I was thinking about how I miss that I'm not having any more babies as I played with her, but I also had that sense of grandmother to me -- I enjoyed the moment, but was glad to give her to her mother.

Today, my food wasn't spiffy or even vaguely perfect. I had lowfat cottage cheese and fruit for breakfast, a couple hotdogs and a diet soda for lunch, and rice, beans, and turkey in *Hamburger Helper* enchilada mix for dinner. The salad that was supposed to be good through May 1 was dead, unfortunately, so not many veggies for me. I really have a hankering for sugarpeas. I could eat a couple handfuls of those, I tell you what. I think I have some snowpeas in there, but it means limping down the hall to find them in the fridge and I'm really enjoying my single vicodan of this evening because while my knee may be hurting like hell in another dimension, in the current vicodan dimension, it barely hurts at all.

I'm still wiped out. I have to drive into town yet, and pick up Bear's prescription. Fortunately, all I have to do tomorrow is spend time at LaDawn's again. I think this time, I'm bringing books for the shorty, who has to wait for her Mommy, and reading to her. Genny could hear me spending time with this kid and was wildly jealous -- she kept bugging me until the little one went home. Then she went to bed and conked.

I had yoga today. My yoga teacher says that the secret to healing is to breathe. I think that's the secret to everything, actually. Just Breathe.