Today, was take the children to the dentist day.

I swear, you find out just how much darned bullshit your family has invented, surrounding their teethbrushing when you go to the dentist with them.

My son is a slovenly pig of an 11 year old. His teeth were laden with plaque, however, not cavity-ridden, thankfully. I did tell him his butt was in a sling. He smirked and said he'd do better. I'm getting him a waterpik and a bottle of flouride, even though I know there's one buried under the bathroom sink that he just hasn't bothered to look for.

My husband is going to use the freaking timer and get better at brushing the munchkin's teeth. Or else. He says he does it from the front. Doing it from the front with a wiggly 4 year old is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I stand behind the child, use the mirror and hold their head with my non toothbrush arm. There's no wiggling. There's no bullshit. However, I can't stand on one good leg and do that right now.

Let's review the dental stuff...

Husband has used all of his dental insurance for the year with his wisdom teeth followed by the zit-on-his-gum root canal.

Russell, the child who already has one stupid capped tooth AND VERY EXPENSIVE BRACES, is NOT brushing the way he has been claiming.

Genny, the child dependent for good dental hygiene on my husband, the man who cannot seem to care for his own teeth appropriately, needs longer brushing.

I, on the other hand, have no current dental issues.

I guess the $5+ grand I've spent over the past years has finally worked out. I can be all holier than thou for a few weeks until my dental appointment.

After the dentist and dropping off kids at their respective places, I came home, ate, watched MacGyver and took a three hour nap. Kind of like "The Hungry Caterpillar" when he ate the one green leaf after eating a bunch of junk food -- because after that I felt a lot better.

My knee is still swollen, not as much, because I've been icing it all day and I napped in my yoga position, so I feel better generally.

Had a good food day. Took cottage cheese and fruit with me to the dentist's office. Snuck a single kiddie cookie at LaDawn's. Had vegetable stir-fry leftovers for lunch. I had chicken piccata on wild vegetable rice and steamed broccoli for dinner. I had Easter chocolate for dessert -- three pieces (Sue me!). I was still hungry tonight, so Mike made me a big bowl of popcorn and cut the butter to just a little, but it was still awesome.

I've got cooked beans, so tomorrow, I'm thinking I'll make corn bread, turkey chili, and mac and cheese. The mac and cheese is for the kids, who think chili is the work of a mother hellbent on torturing their tender palates, which I am, of course. I just think of ways to torture my children all day long because LORD KNOWS I don't have nearly enough other stuff to do.

Did you know there is a lot of cool torture stuff you can do with duct tape?

Muhahahaha!