My boss told me when we reviewed the documentation for what I'm doing that he saw "no value added". Nevermind, that everything I do is so that they can bill their clients and get paid, but I think that's the end. It's his way of saying that I am not doing a valuable job and thus, I am expendable, which is exactly how he's been treating me for two weeks. He's also been looking for ways to cut costs and being that no one has trained me particularly in the system and that I have little knowledge of it as a result, I'm very vulnerable. Of course, I've been saying I"ve been needing training from the get-go, but to no avail.

And this boss has been a total prick to me, intentionally excluding me from email on what's going on in our department, making disparaging remarks to the effect of "what exactly do YOU do?", and then yesterday, I got asked the death knell question,"What are your hours?" I haven't been perfectly keeping to my hours, but I also have worked several hours from home on my sick days, but charged the day off to my time, not theirs. I know on Tuesday, I had a sick day, but I worked 4-5 hours from home. I expected to charge that to my time, but now, I'm having second thoughts.

I checked with unemployment and essentially, unless I get laid off, I won't be eligible for unemployment unless I go through an "adjudication process," which means that they could hold my unemployment for 4-6 weeks while I work it out with them. I know my doctor would probably be willing to step up to bat for me, but waiting 4-6 weeks to get paid would suck a lot, although, once I did get paid, I'd get it all at once. I think if it goes to adjudication, that I can easily say that I didn't receive training and that over the course of five bosses in 4.5 months, my job has endured a great deal of change and upheaval, so that what I was hired for is no longer even in the picture. I'm praying that God gives me what I need to get through, regardless of what happens.

I know we can get through financially. We won't be golden, but we'll be okay. I may sign up for all of those programs with credit cards, so that if you lose your job, you don't have to pay anything for a bit, in order to cover our butts for a while. That won't work for the car payment and Mike's student loan, but it'll cover most everything else. I figure if I can cut our cost by not needing daycare for a few weeks, and do things like dry laundry outside, we'll get by. The only one who needs clothing right now is Genny and I can make her pants. I have a lot of corderoy and prints and I can make her poofy pants to play in. I've got a couple dresses and simple pattern and a buttload of fabric, so we'll get by. I have a lot of little shirts for her and while there's not much of the long-sleeved variety, I can probably scrounge money to get her a few things at one of the "marts." Thankfully, we don't have to buy her diapers any more, and she has a couple of jackets and sweat shirts. I can also make her a few knit type shirts with minimal patterning.

The cool thing is that most of the money in two paychecks was going to pay credit cards down, so we simply won't have that and it'll be ok. We'll just still be in debt, which while status quo is better than most of the alternatives.

I guess I should go back to bed for an hour, though I'm hungry and my stomach is topsy turvy with stress. On the plus side, stress is more likely to put me into a high sugar burn.



I'm going to go check in with the "professional network" thing here locally and see if I can get some help. I'm calling the State of California Unemployment folks, too, to verify process. Overall, this sucks, but I can save a lot of money in daycare if necessary and I may be employed next week through Mike's company, too, and all this worrying in the wee hours will be rather moot.