I stayed home yesterday. My asthma's been bothering me, but I also had a lot of programming to do and while I didn't get it completely finished, I nearly had it done. Then I got everything working as it should and I realized that the instructions were asking me to program it in a particularly awkward way. It meant a lot of variable setting and boolean setting and icky icky geeky things that would make mere mortals cry in their diet pepsi twist. I didn't do it. I sent an email to my instructor asking if the instruction was a mistake. In the process of reviewing the instructions, I realized I didn't set up my pop up window. Then I said a small curse under my breath for web programmers and their pop up windows.

Nonetheless, I am behind in my homework. It's been hard getting back into the swing of things.

Though yesterday exemplified things not working. I'd told Mike a month ago to verify that appointments I'd set up for him would work so he could get to each and have enough time. He was supposed to pick up Russell at school at 315. I was supposed to leave the house at 330. At 320, he calls me from his dr.'s appointment to ask about scheduling getting his wisdom teeth removed, and I (stupidly) assumed that because he had the cell phone he was calling me on the cell phone until he asked someone in the background a question, at which point, I look at the clock, panic and ask him about Russell at school waiting for him. Furious, I hang up the phone to call the school and get a phone call as I am looking up their number asking me who's to pick up my son?

I end up picking him up at a tween place because our usual sitter grabbed him and called me and we worked out a place between the house and school. I realize, I am not making it to class on time and feel angry and unsupported.

This was exactly why I was afraid to go to school. I was afraid that if I did it, Mike would do shit just like this and I'd miss classes and assignments and the like. I took Russell a half hour in the opposite direction to go to his orthodontist appointment that Mike was supposed to take him to and missed my class, which I desperately needed to go to. I was so angry last night, that after I took Bear to the orthodontist (it's going to cost $2500!!!- whine!) I went to a store and walked around, just so I didn't have to go home right away. I had planned to get something specific there anyhow, so it seemed normal to Russell, but I was livid. When I got home, I went and sat in the bathroom for a long time. I didn't want to just come in the house and start screeching.

At dinner, I just laid into Mike about how angry I was. He kept trying to do the "I didn't know" thing, but I reminded him of the email I sent specifically asking him to make sure...to check with the doctors and change the appointments if he needed to. He kind of slouched and tried every conceivable way to worm out of,"I screwed up and I'm sorry" that there is. He finally said he was sorry, but continued to try to tell me how it was my fault at which point Genny started tossing food and we hurled her in the tub and scurried little Miss Exhausted to bed. What was worse, is that later, when we talked about it again, he said that I should have started my homework earlier. I explained that I didn't care about my homework being late...I'm there to learn and if it gets turned in late and I still learn it, then I'm good. I care that I missed the class that I worked 55 hour weeks for 5 weeks to pay for. I care that I missed what is probably significant learning that you can't just get from the book. Because I am struggling with the damned assignment, it's obvious the week I missed to barfing.

I think ONCE in his whole academic career he had to miss a class because of a family emergency, but I carefully scheduled everything. Once in three years is pretty damned good. I made him get up and go to morning classes, that he normally would have slept through and missed. I taught him how to study so that he could pass said classes. I supported him financially so he could get through. All I'm asking for is something in return, i.e., I want to attend the classes I paid for.

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And in my pain of readmission to school, I've discovered I can't cut a straight line to save my ass. Quilting is a big pain in my ass and I am seriously thinking about the second class because I am truly awful at quilting. I was going to do all this square sewing and cutting, but I am so dismally bad at it, that I am thinking I will wait until I get to class and get help because I suck. I was going to make this big ambitious quilt for our bed. However, in light of my obvious lack of skills and patience, I will make a small sample quilt to show just how bad I am and I will stick with the small size quilts until I don't think I suck any more. I'm sure there are people wanting baby quilts, even cockeyed quilts, so I can just put those together, slap some padding on the back, and then I can sew up the sides with blanket ribbon and not feel too horrible, inept, or perpetually guilty.

And tomorrow, I will be in the thigh pain zone because I will be playing volleyball tonight, which makes me huff and puff and use my legs a lot. I don't mind the huffing, puffing, sweating part, but the leg usage pain thing is always the next day or two. I figure I can go swim on Friday.