Well, Bear is going to get botox injections in his legs to see if we can't get him to walk heel-to-toe instead of on his toes from the "spastic dysplagia" aka cerebral palsy. It's five injections in his legs and two months of physical therapy. I basically told the school that they'll have to work with us while we get him through this. I said it nicely, but I think the kid being physically capable of staying on his own two feet is more important than academics. It's a matter of safety when you consider that we had to teach him to put his hands out when he falls and he still sometimes forgets and goes down hard. Any more stability that we can give the kid is very important.

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I saw my doctor today, too. We talked about all the health crap that's going on and I asked for her help in keeping track of all of it. She agreed and wants to see me once a month until my health issues settle down a bit. I was mad as hell that none of the specialists' office had sent records to my regular doctor and I asked at EVERY one of them. Fuckerheads. (Damn, I love that word!)

I explained to the doctor because I am so sleep deprived and so mentally horked (yes, I made that up), that I need help keeping track of all the crap that is going on and what is being checked and not checked and whether I need help above and beyond. I'm writing down everything and sometimes, I still forget.

I can only liken it to a nightmare that I am in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's -- I know I'm forgetting, but I'm not sure what I'm forgetting or how often I'm doing it, and I keep thinking it's something life or death that I'm forgetting. And then I wake up.

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Tomorrow, I see the pulmonologist to talk about my restless legs syndrome and see if there's much to be done for it. I also have to ask why would there be such a huge difference between the settings on my machine in July and my numbers today when there's only a 10 lb weight difference. What does that mean? Should we have a follow-up study in the next three months? Should I go to UC Davis Med Center or Stanford and see what they know?

I'm overwhelmed and not surprisingly, I'm tired.

And today, I found out that caffeine can raise your sugars and make you depressed. My sugars usually run low and I'm so tired I'm bound to be depressed. But, what I thought immediately: "Is nothing sacred?"