We're in escrow. Which is really like saying,"We've intentionally committed mass murder, so that we'll go straight to hell."

And no, this isn't a hint, but I think I'd rather be pregnant than in escrow. It's so torturous. They told us yesterday that we'd have to come up with $3000 more than we had planned. I keep looking for the flames to lick at my feet. No, I'm not sure I'm not in hell versus escrow.

But oh my god, the fun of planning and dreaming about this new place and putting my own touches on it and making it OUR home! I think I had a decorating orgasm this weekend. We got cable last week, so I got paint chips and started pouring through wallpaper pages, so I could find wallpaper for places in my new house.

There's all this stuff I want to do. I'm sure money will be a limiting factor, but I don't think there's anything more stunning to me than the idea of my own house. My own house, where I can paint the walls, dig up the gardens, and add rooms and shelves to. Michael apparently feels the same because we've been all touchy feely affectionate like newlyweds, which while nauseating for the rest of the world is a source of deliriously happy daydreaming for both of us.

We're having to cash out everything we own to do this. We'd anticipated having a little more left over, but nope, we're blowing it all.

I have visions of terra cotta shades in my kitchen with chiles throughout. My livingroom will be a light golden yellow and so will our bedroom. Genny's getting more Pooh and Russell is getting more planets and space. Michael is getting a large quiet bedroom in the back of the house, and dreams of electricity-producing turbines are dancing through his thoughts. I dream of gardening and landscaping and painting and prettyifying everything. Michael dreams of letting me. We've dreamed together of the sunsets over the mountains we'll watch together in our future. We've dreamed of the parties we'll have and the deck we'll build and the pool we'll get at Costco for the back side yard.

I've dreamed of so many things and thought we'd never get there. And now, we're dangerously close to Redneck Ruby having her own acre of land in the mountains, which as anyone who knows me will tell you, makes the whole world right and ruby.

I have pics at home and I'm at school writing this, so I'll do it soon, just not today.

After all the nightmares that I have endured in my life, it's amazing and freeing and joyful to finally find and follow a dream.