I think God is testing me to make sure I've learned all the lessons s/he's taught me.

I found out this past week that I'm honorable, faithful, and a good friend. I also rediscovered that there are people who will take advantage of that. I considered turning the other cheek, but I stood up for myself instead. I said no, I won't tolerate that, thanks.

It's kind of scary for me. I know everyone thinks I'm this brave wonderful person, but I remember being the insecure teenager and sometimes, in the back of my head I am afraid I'm still that insecure kid who got involved in all of those abusive relationships for so long because I didn't think I deserved more.

I guess I discovered that even my inner child has grown up some and that was a heck of a relief. It means I'm showing my kids the best examples. And oh my wow, I keep second guessing myself, but I'm realizing I did the right thing and that's self-inspiring to me.

So...

Still working on Genny's room...wish I could be faster. I have something wrong and hurting and ended up in the emergency room all night Saturday night for them to say..you've got elevated white cells, no infection, and a boatload of bills coming your way. I, of course, was thrilled about that -- totally fucking thrilled. Um, yeah.

I'm still in pain and someone suggested pleurisy, but I don't know if that's it or not either. I just want to heal up and be done already, ok? My entire right side is achy sore and I'm good and sick of it. It's bad when you're taking percocet just to get a little sleep, huh?

We had our first trace of rain yesterday in over 2 months. It was like this enormous miracle and I was filled with so much excitement about it. And then, I got to the top of our hill and saw 7 fire trucks...and I thought, well, good they're prepared because it was lightening and thunder. Then I drove a little further...and saw the smoke...behind the freaking fire station. I turned the car around and headed back to the school to get Genny so she wouldn't get sent to Timbuktu because they closed down the danged roads again.

By the time Mike drove home, the fire was out and the trucks were gone, thank goodness, but the mix of that fresh rain after a long time and the smoke, was kind of neat and hopeful to me.