Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Dear Manufacturers of Clothing for Females under 20,

Please consider the fact that most schools require that straps be the width of a dollar bill, skirts must be no higher than a dollar bill above the knee and that they can't just throw leggings under it or whatever at a lot of schools, especially here in the Bible Belt of the Volunteer State, where I exist with my secret identity of Liberal California Hippie Chick, hiding amongst some Seriously Scary Baptists.  

Additionally,  I am tired of her saying, "Mom, I can't wear that to school" because she's got really long legs and that dollar bill doesn't begin to make that short mini-skirt skort work.  When she was 3 feet tall, that skort length worked -- not so much now.

So, when you make clothing for someone's daughter, realize that if it were your daughter you wouldn't want to purchase a wardrobe that only crack whores use and neither do I. 

  • Make shorts with a little more length, make skirts with some length -- even adjustable with ribbons or buttons -- and for goodness' sake, do the same with dresses. 
  • Please do not make the neckline too low either because she doesn't have the chest to pull it off just yet and if she did, she would be completely mortified to show it off.  
  • Do not produce something with spaghetti straps and claim it's for school because I'd get a lot of phone calls if I took your word for it. 
  • She wears camisoles as undershirts NOT regular wear unless she's in the house and going to bed. I cannot and would not purchase something missing a strap either for school.  I'm not getting the kid expelled.  
  • Think uniform coverage, but with cute designs, details and fabrics.  

Additionally, if I can picture a 60 year old hooker in it, my daughter isn't wearing it. Thus, a spaghetti-strapped, low-cut tank top with animal print and sparkles, won't touch my child's skin, nor will a dress that's short enough to see her navel, nor spandex, for the love of all that is holy. Unless the cleavage is covered and it's long enough for her to bend over at the waist without anyone seeing her Hello Kitty underwear, it won't be purchased. I'll just sew a few.  

Deplorably yours, 
Ruby, A pissed off mother and devoted seamstress until she's 18 and can legally make her own choices

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