So tired. I have had a crappy week physically.

I had a metal box drop from the rafters of the garage and nail my big toe. The big cut and blister got infected, so I've been gimping about and taking antibiotics.

Then, yesterday, I got the period from hell.

When I was a teenager, I used to have debilitating periods. I'd spend the first day in a haze. If I had the luxury of being home, I'd just snooze on the couch.

Yesterday, I spent the entired day off my feet. Last night, I had to keep going to the bathroom because I felt uncomfortable and the cramps woke me up. I passed a huge clot this morning and I was so stunned by how big it was, I called the ob/gyn. She said, if this is a period, it'll get better. I want to just curl up in a ball and die.

The laundry needs to be done and the kitchen floor is crunchy -- I definitely don't feel like the timing of my death would be helpful at this time.

And you know? There is not enough ibuprofen on the whole fucking planet for a period that's this lousy.

I feel like that nauseating crampy crap you get when you're in the labor you get JUST before you realize you really need to get to the hospital, only you can't time the contractions -- it's an omnipresent thing without the benefit of knowing at the end of it you get a pretty baby to hold, kiss, and nurse. At the end of this, I get a whole 30 days before I do it again. Oh. bloody.fucking.joy.

My mom, apparently lacking the ability to find the right thing to say, told me she had 3 debilitating days a month until she was 60. The immediate reflex came up to say,"Shut the fuck up!" But I bit my tongue until it bled instead.

I can't do 20 years of this shit. My hope is that it's my body's way of saying that suppressing my periods with the use of the hormonal IUD means that there's a lot of old baggage in the old uterus and that this time we're just going to have a particularly thorough cleaning. Next month, I'm taking evening primrose oil and going for that short period thing again. Barring a hysterectomy, it's the best I can hope for.