So, we're going to my mother-in-law's wedding. Inherently, this isn't a bad thing, but I am always dreadfully nervous around Mike's family and I invariably feel like I never fit in, so it's hard (read "a complete and total bitch and a half).

However, on the good news front, Mike and I talked about it and we bought his older brother's ticket to go. That means that Chris will be inherently nice to us, which is a cool thing. Also, we'd told his mom initially that she could help us pay it, but when he didn't need a bus ticket, too, we gave that to her as a wedding present. Her wedding present is that she gets all four sons at her wedding.

Mike says we've killed two birds with one stone because we don't have to buy Chris or Mom a Christmas gift now. I'm all over that. Of course, I'm spending a fortune on Mike this year. I took his original star wars poster to a framing place and am getting it cleaned up, matted, and framed for him for Christmas. I told him I was spending a lot on his Christmas gift, but that he wasn't to spend an equivalent amount of money on me. Mostly, I just want a homemade wool hat from this local artisans' group. My head gets cold when I walk in the mornings because it's 20 freakin' degrees at 545AM and I realize it's a simple thing, but it's important to me, too.

I figure I look all scary with my hood pulled up and I don't like how most of my hoods fall over my eyes and don't seal onto my head very well. Call me old and cranky, but I don't like being cold and when my head and hands get cold, I feel like I'm living in a frigidaire all day long.

My office doesn't help that because I'm pretty sure it is a frigidaire. I've taken to wearing two layers when I go in in the morning because otherwise I freeze my bippy off. No, I don't know what a bippy is, but I'm guessing it's cold, okay?

I've got to do some light shopping today at lunch for Thanksgiving and I think we're out of money, which is only because I've been spending it hand over foot and not tracking it at all because I haven't figured out how to work and do that, too, but I'm going to talk to Mike and make a plan. I think honestly it would help if I could just get my PDA stand to work and then I could track that stuff in spare moments, of which there are a couple, at work. There's some down time with this job -- because people's computers don't break all the time and the legislature isn't always in session either.

Lately, however, the thing of note in our house is vermin. That's right, folks, vermin. We've got mice. Lotsa mice. I had one nonchalantly skipping across my livingroom on Sunday. I trapped it in the china cupboard and then realized that there wasn't much I was willing to do to kill it that involved bludgeoning it with my squeamish 9 year old completely flipping out about our visiting rodent at my shoulder. I unobviously let it out and tried to encourage the cat to kill it, but the cat, who hasn't been inside much since she was a kitten was completely freaked about being brought inside in the first place and just ran back out the door to the great outdoors, which to her was much more of a known variable.

I went out to the garage and found my big bag of mousetraps, and I got out the big jumbo jar of peanutbutter and I baited a bunch of traps and put them down. The one on the side of the fridge was sprung on Monday. However, the mouse in it was large and gray. The mouse we'd seen was small and brown, which made me come to realize if you can see 1 mouse, there are 20 of its partying friends you're not seeing, so I checked the towel drawers for mouse poo and to my chagrin, noted that yes, they'd been sleeping and shitting in my towels again. So I emptied out the back of both towel drawers and dropped in baited traps.

So yesterday, the back of drawer number 2 had a mouse that appeared similar in stature and color to the little varmit that had been in the livingroom on Sunday. Nonetheless, the traps remain baited and ready for some mousehuntin' and killin'. Last night, Mike thought to mention that we should probably wash the china. I told him, that yes, we probably should, but we weren't going to do that until Turkey Day because I wanted to be POSITIVE that no sneaky shitting little gray or brown little rodent had been anywhere near the china I was serving Thanksgiving dinner on. He agreed and we both shuddered and made grimaces and went to bed.

Anyhow, I am thankful for my friends -- online and in the flesh, my family (even my in-laws), and mousetraps. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

I know it's not cool and I know it's probably unamerican, but I really really can't stand George Bush.

I am highly suspicious that he and his dad sat down one night and the conversation went something like this.

Dad: "So how's the White House, son? Did you find any cum stains in the oval office from that slut Clinton?"
Son: "No, nothing like that. I found a few condoms in odd places all over the place, but that was about it."
Dad:"Are you going to kick that Saddamn Hussein's ass for me, now? I don't think I was ever more embarrassed about how that whole Gulf War thing worked out, you know?"
Son:"You betcha, Dad! What do you think we ought to tell people? That ole Sad-ass is a goshdurned terrorist?"
Dad:"Heck yeah!"
Son: "I'll get right on that for you, Daddy."

I am all for stamping out terrorism, but allowing Saudi Arabia and Pakistan to bullshit their way out of their connections to some of these militants is just wrong and the hypocrisy pisses me off.

And lets not start into the series of legislative stuff I have been hearing on news that has been postponed until next year when the republican congress will approve it -- much of it designed to benefit the wealthy and privileged and to make the rest of us bend over and bark, baby. Lately, I've been a bit peeved about the terrorism insurance law because they are saying that it'll stimulate the economy that all those building projects that have stalled due to this will kick back in. They said how much money it'll save consumers, but of course, the assumption is that the cost savings will actually get passed on to the consumer. With the insurance industry in the mess it's in, pessimistic me, I am figuring that's a load of crap.

I am also very nervous about what Bush said recently in a press conference regarding some of the guys he wants confirmed for judge positions...basically that he can call some of these highly anti-abortion, anti-civil rights judges to the floor and get them confirmed, which means a lot of political losses for both those causes.

I didn't vote for the bastard, and I wasn't fond of voting for Al Gore, but G. W. Bush makes me frightened for this country and our future.

When I came home from class on Saturday night, I walked into a disheveled house that had no dinner cooking. I was exhausted and asked Mike to just take me somewhere to get some food. So he did. We went out to something I totally expected would be rather lousy low-end food, but it was good and when I got home, I quilted for half a hour, fell asleep in the chair, and then got up around 9 and went to bed. I have no memory of Michael coming or going in the room, except when I started awake when he came in the room once. I woke up at 8AM, and felt like I could still sleep another million years.

Mike asked,"Why are you so tired?" I looked at him and said,"Well, it probably has something to do with a 40 hour work week, 11 hours of class, and endless amounts of homework, plus house chores." He had this blank look, realizing he was dangerously close to a death wish, and said,"Yeah, I forgot you had so much class, this week." I thought he'd been pretty diplomatic considering his brush with death.

He got to go be a lumberjack all day because he went to BLM land with LaDawn's husband and got firewood for us. Hunt, gather, repeat.

I went to Costco and bought Thanksgiving fixin's and dragged two children through the horror that is Costco. The most exciting part of the day was the drive to Costco.

Genny, who'd been happily munching on an apple, starts to yell from the back seat with a rather nasal sound,"My nose, mama, my nose." She's just getting over a cold and as I reached for the spare napkins in the glove compartment, I said,"Oh, you need to blow your nose, sweetie?" "No, mama, my nose!" "You need to blow your nose?" "No, mama, apple ma nose!" "You hit your nose with your apple? Okay, honey, be careful not to do that." "No, mama, apple in ma nose." I said blithely,"An apple can't fit in your nose." Genny says insistently,"Yeah, mama, apple in ma nose."

I look over my shoulder in time to see her finger up her nose trying to fish the apple out. We stopped to get gas, and I had her blow her nose a bunch until the apple chunk came out far enough to yank out of her nose. "Genny, please don't put things up your nose. Bad baby...you can get hurt." "Kay, mama."

Weird little baby. Half an hour later, I look down in time to see her putting the straw from her sippy cup up her nose.

Mama sighed.

When I drove home yesterday, after having spent a fortune at Joann's Fabrics yesterday, purchasing fabric to make our dresses for the wedding, I realized how totally ballistically excited I was at the prospect of making Genny's and my dresses. Bizarre, I realize, but nonetheless, there ya go. This is my dress and Genny's is rather similar. I like the design of the one in pink without the braiding. I will also not be using the bottom ruffle. For fabrics, I picked out this for our bodices. Genny will have a dark purple satin skirt and I'll have lavendar. I bought some white and silver snowflake lace to go on the sleeves for both of us, so it should be pretty lovely.

Of course, at the same time I realized how much I was looking forward to sewing for Genny and me, I also realized how much I have loathed these quilting classes because of the one snippy condescending instructor. I think I wouldn't mind quilting if I knew I wasn't under some kind of ridiculous deadline and that I could take the time to do things more accurately. I further realized what I was looking forward to, was handquilting, but I still don't really know how to do that, so I am going to be trying it out on Katen's quilt. (CS -- hope you like it!) In the middle of this, I think the biggest bitch is that my machine essentially just up and died. It's reparable, but I think it's been going for a while, so it's sure made doing patchwork a pain. The face of the quilt is done, so I just have to get the padding cut out right and the backing and then quilt the face to them. I got out the quilting ring and stand out last night and I was getting all giddy with excitement. Then I realized I was just different from those in my quilting class. I just think there's something wrong with doing a straight machine quilt. I think that it's fine to piece with a machine, because it'll hold the seams better, but using the machine to do all the quilting bugs me. I even think it's cool to use the machine to do some of the quilting. I will probably use the machine on the outside to hold the thing together, so I can get to the middle and do the quilting I have in my head by hand.

To me quilting something for someone is about taking the time and energy to not only piece the thing, but to quilt it. In fact, I think that the act of quilting something is more important. My old neighbor's mother used to take solids and quilt them all by hand. Her designs were intricate and beautiful and I could see myself doing that and really enjoying it. Whenever I mentioned handquilting in class, people groaned, rolled their eyes, and said,"oh, that's too much work."

I guess that's the point to me. If you're going to go through all that hassle to cut this thing out and piece all these pieces just so, why wouldn't you handquilt it, even a little?

This change from mother to crone that I am starting to move into is interesting to me because I am finding out things about me -- like how much I like using my hands. I need to remember this as I fight with my diabetes. I need my sugars good, so I don't lose my eyes or my hands, so I can do the handquilting and sewing and cooking and canning.

I have been in an odd spot regarding my mother-in-law's wedding in January. My husband didn't seem to really want to go and I thought he should, but it needed to be his decision, so I said okay to whatever he said. I have purposely shut my big fat mouth about it because I would rather pull my innards through my nose than be involved in that decision. My mother thought it was odd that he didn't want to go to his mom's wedding, but I wasn't going to make him go, if he didn't want to go and while personally I'd just ruther not, it's his choice because it's his mom and his money.

I have told him that if he wanted to go that I would juggle the money so he could. Mike called his older brother to invite him for Thanksgiving -- more of a courtesy call than anything. His brother asked him about the wedding. Mike and I talked about it and he kept asking me what I thought, and I kept saying, "I think I will make the money work for whatever you want to do." He finally said very quietly,"I'd like to go."

So that big fat credit card we just paid off is now run back up again. *sigh* Easy come, easy go. The thing is as soon as we get the check for the contract work, we'll be able to pay it back off again. We have tickets, hotel reservations and car reservations, now however, so whee.

It means taking off two precious days of work just as the folks I'm supposed to support are showing up, but in exchange I am not taking any days off in December. I will have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas, but it should be slow, so I'll live through it. I will just have to do Christmas on the weekends in preparation, and thankfully, I will have frozen cookie dough to let Mike and the kids do cookies.

The kind of cool thing is that I will get to sew a nice dress. Now, I just have go pick one out to sew. I think whatever I do, will be something I make for both Genny and I and we'll match and it'll be something wintry, without being totally Christmas.

Java Joe's slid down this morning like love in my tummy. Double mocha...even the words slide across the tongue and infer a sensuality that normally exists between sheets not between lid and mug. Did I mention, I'm a coffee slut?

I walked early this morning and I made LaDawn turn the other way, so we headed south where the dark sky still held some hope in the back of my mind that indeed, the Leonids might show themselves. As we turned west and north, we saw the full moon hover over the snow-capped mountains. When we turned south, the sun was just starting to press her light into the canvas of sky and as I glanced over my shoulder, the moon was brighter and the mountains were tinged pink. LaDawn and I turned and stopped and we both said,"Wow" at the same time. Usually, we talk the entire walk, but we both fell silent this morning after that.

I gave her a bag of clothes from my car -- a combination of stuff for her oldest, things for the younger girl in the daycare, and a few things she'd loaned Genevieve, when Gen's clothes had gotten thrashed playing, and we wished each other a good day.

I think sometimes in the course of realizing God's gradeur, I am surprised at how quiet I become.

CS's baby may be home soon...her sugars are normalizing, finally. Her mom will have a whole bucket of blessings to count over Thanksgiving, if that baby comes home. The baby seems to have suffered a somewhat nebulous "birth trauma" which makes me feel angry, because she was born c-section. What did that hospital DO to that child?

Katen's quilt is coming along though. I prayed as I finished the row last night. I enjoy setting the pictures just so. I just would like to say "NYAH!" to naysayers of the one-way fabric and fussy-cutting. There's something elegant in the calculation of each piece and its facing.

Katen, moonset, sunrise -- grand blessings.

I got to do something today...fixed someone's access problem. It was just nice to be useful and helpful.

This job is going to be a total blast.

Today, I bought a mug at Java Joe's. I ordered a double mocha to be placed in said mug. Getting a coffee mug at a coffee joint near where I work makes it seem more real. I'm a caffeinated working stiff and all. I'm getting to be coffee's bitch again. Bounce a styrofoam cup lid off my head and call me Joe's Ho, and I'm all hot and bothered, don't ya know.

I got up last night at 130AM and watched the Leonids Meteor shower in the eastern sky and was pretty disappointed. The full moon was so bright and even though we live in the boonies it was very very bright outside. The other thing was that while there were a lot of meteors -- I saw about 20 in 50 minutes, they weren't really amazing particularly - just short bursts of light here and there. I am sure that to some that the fact that it was 20 degrees and I was freezing my ass off, contributed to my lukewarm perception of this meteor shower.

This summer with the Perseids, I saw a couple of shooters that started at the horizon and fizzled at the zenith above my head and they were so astounding...definitely of the ooh and aah variety. The most interesting of the ones I saw last night was a very short and bright one that turned bright orange and green. The rest were pretty much garden variety meteors. The last one I saw was this morning just above the western horizon at 6AM and it was kind of amazing in its loneness...just that one single last hurrah over the western horizon, where the full moon had finally set opposite from where the sun was starting to send slight fingers of light into the dark morning.

Today is the first day at my new job and so far it's been pretty dry and boring and generally that new employee orientation thing.

The remarkable and incredible news is that we got a sudden influx of cash, which I cannot discuss other than to say that it not only bought Christmas, but it also paid off two credit card bills, which totally and completely rocked.

I get paid bi-weekly, which also rocks because I was thinking I was going to be on the once a month state paycheck plan. I get paid the day after Mike does, so that should be rather rockin' and keep us flush.

I talked to Mike's grandparents and barring a snowstorm, they're coming for Thanksgiving. I'm really psyched about that and am hoping for a clear day, so they can come down and relax. I love them both so much and they are so good to the kids. I also know that Mike's mom worries about them being alone, so having them here should alleviate her concerns.

I love Grammy...she tells me she'll call me before T-Day and ask me what to bring. I say,"What do you want to bring?" She says,"Well, all my dishes are packed, so not much." I said,"Good, so you stop at Marie Callenders and bring the pies." To which she laughed and said,"How about you buy the pies and I'll pay you back." Right on!

Besides I know this bakery in Carson City where I can buy the most amazing pies. I'll have to hit Marie's for decent sugar-free for me and Pop though.

The quilt has 5.5 rows complete now. I laid out row 6 last night and only got 3 of 9 squares done, so slowly but surely and ever so painfully, it's coming along. I suspect I'll be up half the night on Friday machine quilting it sufficiently for the grant class and then I will spend the weekend hand quilting messages to the baby it's for.

I found a place across the way from me that offers expresso shots at whim to one's coffee. I had something this morning called a "Sweet Pete" that had chocolate, caramel, and almond flavor added and was way too sweet. Tomorrow, I will attempt the plain latte with a double shot.

Betty, baby, I have found expresso in this state. I have found the joy again in the phrase,"make it a double shot."

800 millgrams of ibuprofen and I'll be your best friend. I'm an advil slut. I know I have arms, because I can see them, but dude, I can't feel them and I tell you, that's a good thing because my wrist and joints ache in my left hand so much, I wish someone would remove my hand and replace it with a pretty bionic one, like they did for Luke Skywalker when Darth cut off his arm.

I've got two rows of 10 done on my quilt. I am going to have to go to quilting class somewhat shamefaced because we are moving to borders tonight, but I am afraid to do more rows because my 9 patches in some instances aren't EVEN close! I did talk to the grant writing teacher though and I can use my quilt as my project, so two birds with one stone. Not only do I get through quilting class, but I get through grant writing, too. Nevermind that there's a baby whose getting lots of prayers and then will have this warm pretty quilt when it's all said and done besides all that. Of course the nine patches might not line up perfectly, but after finishing 43 of 49, I'm feeling a little 9 patched out.

Well, I have to go pick up the monkey and pizza and get everyone ready to get the hell out of here tonight, because while I will be quilting, Genny will be with Daddy at Boy Scouts and I don't expect that will be pretty. I fully expect to find Mike passed out in the recliner when I come home tonight.

My arthritis is killing me today. My hands won't hardly uncurl they hurt so much. I don't know why, but I am trying to be brave about it and avoid drugs. Mostly, I think I am saving them up for the quilt-a-thon later. I've got so much done on it. The star points are finally done -- trimmed and everything. I am only 18 away on the nine patches. I have some the strips cut out already. I have to then measure everything and get the rows sewn together because we start the finishing process this week.

I don't know that I'll have that much time for actual quilting on it. I may just do a little quilting by hand and finish the rest by machine. I am thinking of doing something kind of hokey in the quiliting, but I figure it's a baby quilt, so hokey's okay.

Yesterday, Mike was a butt to me and I went out with LaDawn for a bit. I just didn't want to deal with him or his crap. He knew he was busted when I told him I wasn't staying for dinner. I went and ate pizza with LaDawn and we shopped a little at K-mart. I just bought some dust wipes.

I came in later and both kids were bathed and fed. Amazingly enough, he'd done dishes and wiped the table clean. Essentially, he was working himself up to a big butt kissing. He apologized for screaming at me, but I guess I've been feeling frustrated with his behavior for a few days, so the apology fell short. He has been a complete asshole to me and there's no particular reason why, according to him, so he's just being an asshole for fun, I guess. It's worrisome with a new job starting next week that he's being a bitch to me and we start something new, thus, stressful next week.
Men! You can't live with them, you can't back over them with your pick-up legally any more.

Okay, so I need to get to quilting and doing my house chores. I'm only a domestic goddess for 6 more days, so I better make it count before I turn into a working mother again.

Oh, happy day! They are finally replacing the carpet in Russell's room. The previous tenants apparently had a dog that wasn't trained and peed itself blind in that room before they got rid of it. The owner kept insisting that it wasn't so, and I told him to have the room checked by pros. They found 11 stains in the carpet and that didn't include the whole room. I am vindicated! They are pulling the carpet and backing, sealing the floor, and replacing said carpet and backing. The room has reeked for months and I've been asking nicely. This month, I held onto the rent check and the owner acknowledged that he'd spoken to people who verified that yes, the previous tenant had a damned dog in here. This thing even peed down the heating vent. *ugh*

The house is upside down again. We've got Russell's bunkbed in the kitchen and all of his other furniture and crap holding boxes in Genny's room. Genny is at LaDawn's today, nonetheless. I am working on the web page contract that won't die. *sigh*

Back to the grindstone.

The past few days have been very stormy. It rained heavily here, but snowed like crazy in the mountains. Several local ski resorts opened for the season, and I took Russell and Genny up to snow today and they went sledding for an hour and then we turned around came home and I promptly slid Genevieve into bed and she went out for the count. Russell thought it was fun and games until he filled his boots with snow because he refused to tie them up. Then he kind of wallowed and whined at the bottom of the hill and asked about going home. Genny was tired, as was Mommy, so it wasn't a hard choice.

Kittygirl did come home the next day, smelling of pine trees, where I think she nestled under the pretty little blue spruce at the neighbors. She was perfectly happy on Friday and Saturday to remain in her crate while the elements stormed and raged, I noticed, though, so I have a feeling she had a rough night of it.

I am a decoratin' fool, lately. I made curtains for our bedroom this weekend, and while I need to desperately do the drapes for the livingroom, I just can't bring myself to make a decision about how to construct them just yet. I did get the futon cover done, additionally, which makes me a sewing fool.

I'm still quilting and praying. My friend's baby isn't home yet. The poor babe is still struggling with her sugars. If you're a prayer or even if you're not, please put your requests of your higher power in for this baby. I got all the star points finished this weekend and I just have to finish trimming and pressing them and then I just have the nine patches to finish up with and then it's row sewing for me. It's been a lot of praying lately with each square or patch.

I noticed lately, particularly when I am quilting how sore my hands feel. I've had a hell of a time picking up pins to set my points just so, and then I started fiddling around with my hands and realized that the pain is in the actual joints of my hands. True to genetics, I have arthritis, just like my mom and grandmother do/did. I have been taking aspirin, which I honestly haven't taken since I was a child, but ibuprofen and tylenol don't address the pain adequately. If I remember to cover my hands with blankets and take aspirin at bedtime, I often wake up with hands that don't hurt. By day's end though, I find that the pain has returned as my workload has progressed for the day. I feel old and decrepid and useless lately. To some degree, I guess I am upset I can't be there to support my friend better, and then there's the dealing with pain thing which erodes my self confidence, too.

Lately, I know I'm old because:

• I have arthritis, which worsens with weather ( I can feel it in my bones)
  
• I find myself muttering the words: "damned kids" under my breath a lot
  
• Supermarket workers refer to me as "ma'm"
  
• I need a mammogram
  
• I am at the end of my childbearing years
  
• I crave life insurance
  
• I worry about my will
  
• I am turning 40 within the year
  
• the whole idea of trying to get into and out of a snow saucer made me cringe today
  

So I've moved from maid, to mother, and am rapidly working toward crone. I am dying to be 50, so I can get a bumper sticker that says, "they aren't hot flashes, they're power surges!" In the interim, I'm just in that awkward 'tween stage.

Last night, I was falling asleep in the chair and at first I thought it was because I had too many potatoes, so my sugars were high, but I tested and they were a respectable 110, so I simply got ready and went to bed.

I remember vaguely that my husband came in at some point, shivering and I merely lifted the blankets on my back for him and let him get nice and warm, snuggling against me. The only thing I remember past that was the wind beating on the house at 3 in the morning, continuing on until about 430. When I say beating, I mean gust of 50-60 miles per hour pounding the house. I got up and checked the kids and kept a vigil for Kitty Girl who didn't want to come in to get crated last night.

I still haven't seen Kitty Girl and honestly, I hope I do soon because I could barely face the panicky tears of Mr. Bear as he called and called for that cat. Coyotes will eat even in bad weather is my belief. I'm just hoping that they didn't eat my fluffy sweet baby kitty. I miss her brother badly enough.

The bunny got new digs and thinks the protection I lined up for him from the wind is a good deal. Smart Bunny.

I have been trying for 4 days to quilt extensively and I've done dribs and drabs, but nothing like what I am supposed to. I guess I should towel off by the fire and get dressed and get what I can done. I don't believe I can face the Quilting Inquisition tonight, if I don't have it reasonably tackled.

I have to go to Mike's job and see if there's anything I can do to encourage the life insurance people to extend me benefits. They saw my weight and my diabetes and promptly said no. I am hoping that if I can get my weight down more, that they'll say yes. Wish me luck.

I have a job. It'll be at the legislature until the end of June. At that time, Mike and I will buy a house. We already have the money stuff figured out, so it'll be a blast. We've paid off one card. Only a half dozen more to go. *gah* We are going to buy something with land and then I will see how far I want to go with my organic produce dreams.

Most importantly, I am quilting for my friend CS. She is diabetic and just had her third child. Apparently, this child is a great helper because the baby was overproducing insulin to compensate for her Mom's high sugars. The baby is in the neonatal intensive care unit, while the hospital works to get her pancreas back to normal and I feel like with each piece of the quilt that I am finishing another prayer. It feels like prayer squares. I have 25 nine patches done and have 24 more to go. I have lots of things to cut out and each cut, seam, press of seam, and fabric choice, feels spiritual to me.

I am still walking regularly. I walk every day but Monday for a half hour and then I walk an hour on one weekend day with my friend LaDawn. My sugars are nearly perfect right now. I do have my moments. Halloween is what I would call a "moment," but my highs are low ones (140). I got a new glucometer to test in my arm because my fingers are getting so scarred and calloused that it makes it hard to get blood, but I haven't actually figured out how to make the arm blood thing work yet. I can get blood, but the meter doesn't work as the manual says it should. I am going to make my engineer husband see if he can program it properly and then I'll try again. I am also lotioning the everliving crap out of my hands. Keri is so very....moisturizing. I am going to keep walking. My sugars have been normal for the most part in the morning. Today they were 89. But two days ago, they were 110, which was higher than it should be, but pretty amazing for most diabetics.

I think the thing I keep noticing is how many excuses I have for not going to get my HbA1c done. My doctor isn't going to bother worrying about my cholesterol because of last year's 137 and my good ratios, but I worry about how bad it will be. I haven't been eating in a way that makes me proud of me. I am not hideous, but I always fuck around with it. I test it with a snack size candy bar and then test an hour later to see if I paid (usually not). This morning, Genny was into everything, so I had a hard time getting a shower, much less a meal. I went to LaDawn's to drop her off and LaDawn gave me a candybar so I wouldn't pass out and made me a hot dog. Not exactly health food.

Mostly, I am really really tired. I slept heavily today. I could chalk that up to the weather change -- we're expecting snow tomorrow, but I think it's more accurate to assume that Wonder Woman is back and working me to death with her unreasonable expectations of myself.

I just wanted to say hello. I also wanted you to say a prayer for a darling baby girl's pancreas and pray that it settles down and learns to regulate her little body's sugar levels normally.