Russell had his first neurology appointment today. I hadn't seriously considered cerebral palsy until Tuesday night when the physical therapist from the school called and said that she thought he might have a mild form of cerebral palsy. The neurologist confirmed that Russell has mild cerebral palsy. I called my friend, Robin, who attended his birth and as we talked about things, I am positive it was a birth trauma and that the hospital may have done things to cover it up. I am remembering more about the birth and I remember seeing the nurse/midwife get on the table and she was pushing on him so hard that I could feel it through the spinal block. She had to have been pushing on his shoulders and head because he was wedged up into my organs and he was breech. Then he spent 1-2 hours on a warming tray because he was blue. I don't know if I can realistically pursue anything after so much time has passed. I am not even sure that the RN in the birthing room with me (as my birthing parnter) is still alive to confirm this, but remembering it, is comforting, as I needed to know that I didn't do something that might have done this to him for my own peace of mind.

All that matters now is that I don't have to fight with the schools any more. He qualifies for special education automatically with CP, as it is considered brain trauma. We can get him physical therapy and help him. I am also sure I can request a lot more OT than he's currently getting.

Additionally, we are getting a sleep study done because there is a strong correlation between ADHD severity and sleep deprivation, which we definitely think is a contributing factor in Russell's case -- he wakes up a lot, has a hard time dropping off, he snores, and he's a mouth breather with a BIG overbite. We are also getting an MRI and and EEG done. At the end of the month, my hope is that he will be on less medication and getting more sleep.

Ultimately, the cerebral palsy diagnosis changes little other than I won't have to fight with the school to make him eligible for services any more. I let the school know already that we will be changing his eligibility to brain trauma. The special ed teacher smiled when I told him that I'll never have problems with eligibility again. Now, it's just a matter of negotiating necessary services for him. What the school can't and won't provide, we will do through insurance. I think because of his disability, I may be able to qualify him for help from the government, too, so that we don't have to tax our insurance overly.

I'm very sad and angry about the time that has elapsed. I'm angry about the pediatrician who blew me off when I asked about CP when Russell was 2.5. I am sad about the lost time, which could have made a huge difference in his life because with a lot of physical therapy, he could be a different boy physically. However, it does make a lot of things in the past clearer.

As always, however, I love him fiercely. Both Mike and I were sure after doing a lot of online reading yesterday, that he has cerebral palsy, so the doctor's diagnosis wasn't a complete shock, though I was trying hard not to cry in front of Russell. I just didn't want him to think something was wrong -- I'm just relieved.

I'm going to go have a good cry, I think. And a nap.