Dear Medical Insurance Company,

Don't screw with me.

My diabetes is in good control. I know what I'm doing with it. I've got excellent blood pressure, cholesterol, and triglycerides levels. My sugars are well within healthy ranges. My last HBA1C was 6.5. Not great, but not bad, either.

Don't try to enroll me in your stupid disease management program. I know that stuff. You wanna be helpful? You want to actually make a difference? Get me a cheap gym membership. Help me pay for that. Give me incentives to keep going -- like after one year, you'll reduce how much I pay if I go X number of times.

Don't spend money on a bunch of nurses I can call 24 hours. That's why I have a doctor. Don't spend money on a bunch of glossy PR mailers. Don't waste your postage, dude. It's not any help and it doesn't adequately resolve shit for me.

I need help and encouragement to exercise and get my weight down. I want a place that has childcare facilities. I want you to actually think about what's good for me as a person, because the day you do that, is the day I gain success over this damned disease.

And I want you to stop shaking my ass out of bed at 8AM on Saturday by calling me to ask me if I'd like to join your long-term disease management program, after I've already ignored 3 mailings, and 4 phone calls. I'm not old enough to be up that early, fuckers, and if I were interested in having you in my business, I'd have let you know.

Back on off of my Kool-Aid, or there's going to be an asskicking.

Totally fucking not kidding,
Red-Neck Ruby