You know you're having a doozy of a period when...

• you miss your IUD


• you are forced to cough up the head of the child you just bit off


• you have to do the same for your husband


• you'd give your left ovary to science just for 6 months of peace a year


• you've taken all the ibuprofen in the house, gathered it in a pile and threatened your household with bodily harm if they EVEN THINK about touching it


• you've done the same with all the chocolate


• your husband "takes the kids to the park" when it's 100 degrees outside


• all your black underwear is Missing in Action


• you get up to pee at 3am and realize as that telltale drip goes down your leg, you have to have a shower. Right. That. Minute.


• you're starting to believe all that God cursed women crap because God knows if men had periods, there wouldn't be monthly suffering


• you are starting to wish you were breast feeding because it means a year of NO PERIODS!


• You wish wholeheartedly that you were pregnant, despite the vasectomy, because at least in labor they gave you an epidural.