We're trying to get Russell's meds changed because he's not doing well on the focus stuff. I had to pummel him through his homework last night -- repeating, repeating, repeating. Sometimes, when he's this bad, I think in the back of my head that it'd be easier to just smack him through the work because I feel so frustrated. Then I feel guilty because it's got to suck for him, too. He hangs in there like a total trooper, but this has to suck for him.

His teacher sent an assignment home that he'd already done twice, so I just typed the body on the computer and had him fill it in on the computer. The teacher's note was,"Where do we go from here?"

I thought tearfully, we throw up our hands in despair, whimper in our tea, and keep going. When I called the pediatrician and said that I think his meds need to be increased, I felt like I'd sold my soul to the pharmaceutical companies. I just don't want another joy ride on the medication rollercoaster we endured last year.

I hate to even think about putting him into Special Ed classes because he's too smart for that. It would be an enormous disservice to him. I don't think homeschooling is a good choice either, but I don't know if we can afford private schooling for him. I'm just starting to feel desperate for him and heartbroken. I'm just not sure how to help him.

We are not between a rock and a hard place. We are teetering on the edge of a windy precipice and the nightmare rarely alters. I just want to protect him from the elements, you know?