Hope everyone's holidays are lovely. Tis the season for christmas, kwanza, hanukah, etc.

Christmas day was quiet and relaxed. I have stuff to tell, but I'm tired.

Later.

Because I'm too damned exhausted to do a real entry...

Your New Year's Resolutions

1) Get a pet chihuahua 2) Eat less onions 3) Travel to Japan 4) Study time travel 5) Get in shape with naked yoga

What Should Your New Year's Resoluton Be?

Your Pimp Name Is...

Brown Sugar Tease

What's Your Pimp Name?

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Laka Peni

What's your Hawaiian Name?

In a fit of insanity, we went to the mall this evening. I needed to get some xmas shopping done.

It wasn't as crowded and evil as one might think, but it wasn't easy either. I had a lot of stuff to get done and ended up pushing the wheel chair with bags of crap in it occasionally because there were times when there was no way of wheeling the wheelchair and carrying bags. Funny thing that.

I ended up on my feet too much. Two vicodan later, it's still pretty bad. My knee is really swollen and sore. My belly's hurting and generally I feel like crud.

I found Genny a lot of really cute and inexpensive clothes. I found Russell the gamecube game of his dreams. I found some puzzle books I think both Mike and Russell will enjoy. Genny had designs on some obnoxious princess books with buttons you push, but I was tired and cranky enough to where I suggested that we'd let Santa know and see what happened. I've already gotten her a stack of books -- enough's enough. I bought candy for stocking stuffers and I got one of three rolls of film developed. I have no idea what happened to the other two, though I think I might have left them in the car. Tomorrow, I hunt.

I picked up a few things for this single mom I know with 3 kids. We're going to sneak a bunch of stuff to her house. I got mom a little gift basket from Bath and Body and each girl got a pair of leggings and fancy socks. I have to hit a cheap store for shirts to match and I think LaDawn and I were discussing coats. I need to call her tomorrow and find out what's up.

On a totally unrelated note, I swear when vicodan hits -- it's like slipping into a favorite pair of socks -- warm, wooly, soft. It's hard to be in this much pain all the time. And when vicodan stops it for a while, it's a sweet reprieve.

I think I can sleep now.

I called my mom and dad and told them all the health news.

My mom totally understood about the thyroid. She's been there. She understands what it means to go from a quarter grain to 3 grains of thyroid in a year and a half's time. She understood when I said that while I could die from the bariatric surgery, that I was definitely going to die without it. I explained to her that my doctors had all recommended it. I told her about Dr. B crying.

My dad was another story. He railed and kvetched at me about how I just needed to eat right. I explained that I couldn't have the kinds of consistent lab results that I do with my diabetes, if I was actually eating like crap. I explained that I've been doing what my doctor says. He finally backed off. I felt bad. I finally said,"Dad, I know you love me and that's what this is about. I need to know that you love me and I appreciate how worried you are. I'm worried, too."

There was a long pause, while I held back tears. I said,"I love you, Dad." He said, "I love you, too." I said I had to get Genny and we hung up. Then I went inside LaDawn's and sat in a chair in the dark staring at the Christmas tree weeping.

I just feel like if I start crying right now that I won't stop. I've been crying on and off all day. It just feels like one more straw on this camel's back.

I told Mike that I've been teaching him how to do stuff, so that if I die, he can take care of the kids. He said something about how I should really try not to die and I said that I'm working like crazy not to. I also asked him to please take care of himself and work to make better choices. His idea of breakfast sometimes is to eat a poptart from the vending machine at work -- even though we have bagels, muffins, and cereal. I reminded him that he's in several high risk groups for diabetes, including that it runs in his family, he carries his weight in his belly, he's overweight, and he's Native American. He's agreed to work on it.

I've got stuff to do before I hit the hay...laundry waits for no woman.

I think the best part of the day was praying with LaDawn on the phone.

The second best part of the day was getting my Clay Art stoneware at Kohl's because I could actually get there in my wheelchair. This guy in the store was watching Mike running through the store with me,practically doing wheelies and scaring the crap out of me, and whined,"I want a ride!"

While Mike was checking out, I was sitting holding Genny and kissing on her, the ride guy came by and whined,"I want a ride!" again and I said,"Wreck your knee really bad and then you can have a ride, too!" He smirked and walked away.

Giving it to God when I can is always the biggest relief. Being a smart alec provides comic relief.

Taking relief where I can, I tell you whut.

It's been one of those years. I start to say days, then realize it's been months, and really, it's been at least a year or two.

So today, I get my wheelchair delivered. I remove the arms off it, so I can easily reach the wheels. I am just starting to get it wheeled out the door and the phone rings.

It's the ob/gyn doc. The sinking feeling in my stomach makes me nauseous. We'd said that if the results were bad that she should just call me. I've been checking the mail each day, hopeful that I wouldn't get the call, but a nice little postcard telling me that everything was normal.

She asked how I was doing. I said,"Not well, especially if you're calling me." She laughs and says:"Yeah, I told Donna (nurse) yesterday afternoon that I didn't want to call you and that it was just going to be hard." I said,"I'm sorry that it's not good news." She says,"Yeah, I woke up last night at 2AM thinking about it." I say,"Wow, don't worry me like that!" She laughs. I say,"So how bad is it?"

It's severe dysplasia again. Again! Maybe we missed something. Screw the LEEP, we're talking cone biopsy or hysterectomy? What a choice! I need to be knocked out. She can't do the cone biopsy, but her partner can. I trust her, so I trust him. That'll be ok.

How soon can I do the culposcopy? Tomorrow at 8AM. She needs to get her Christmas stuff done -- because she's not usually in the office.

If the cone biopsy doesn't get it, I get a hysterectomy.

I'm scared and sad and frustrated.

LaDawn and I talked. I said that I feel like God is testing me and I'm just trying to listen to what he wants from me.

So God, I was wondering, could I please pass already or flunk out and move on?

Saw the bariatric surgeon today.

I'm starting vitamin and food supplements/replacements. We'll test and see how it goes.

The prospect of this surgery has me in and out of tears. My mother had expressed concern about that I might die. I have come to grips with that I am going to die, if I don't do the surgery. I'm done duking it out with my thyroid. I am truly done.

He also wants me to get the orthopedist to get me to a physical therapist who can set up a means for me to exercise. This gives me hope. I just hope it doesn't involve vicodan every time I exercise.

Tomorrow is the boy's adoption hearing. I think it's mostly a formality, at this point. We pulled Russell out of school for the day and I'm taking him to see Narnia. In the evening, he picked out a restaurant. I'm thinking I would like to toss a party for New Year's commemorating this, so I'm going to put feelers out and see what people's plans are.

So...terrified of dying, Russell experiencing completion...yeah, that covers it.

I spent the weekend popping prescription painkillers and resting. Mostly just sitting in my chair. I had the stupidity to work out on Thursday -- it was a light water workout...nothing too awful, but Friday morning, we were circling in front of the urgent care waiting for it to open.

My orthopedist thinks I am just going to have to live with it until I lose weight. My counter is, how the fuck am I going to lose weight if I can't even workout without my knee swelling up like a balloon, hurting so badly that I'm not sleeping, and generally ruining my life? It's not supposed to make noises like this, nor hurt with this degree of pure agony.

I'm getting a wheelchair tomorrow and a blue placard. I think that I'm going to end up having to blow off substitute teaching and I may start up an ebay business of blanket making. I don't see how teaching from a wheelchair is going to work for me at all -- even if it's just part-time. Maybe there's ways, but I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed by the prospect at the moment.

I don't need anything overwhelming any more. I'm too mentally pooped at the prospect.

The knee is swelling a lot and the hopelessness quotient is rising.

I'm making appointments with doctors. I worry I'm in big bad trouble.

My knee is clicky and smooshy and oh, so painful.

Anti-inflammatories don't touch this and I can hardly justify another knee manicure in only 6 months time, though the agony might.

Things have just been holiday rush-ish.

We kind of did the Thanksgiving thing, then the next day bought and decorated a tree.

We still have some of the ornament boxes in the livingroom, dang it.

I feel like I am ever behind this enlarged mound o' laundry. I'm doing it, but it seems like the more I do, the worse it gets. It's kind of like the black hole of laundry. Clean clothes disappear into an abyss.

My knee is hideous. It's swollen, clicking, painful, etc. I've been given anti-inflammatory medications and the prospect a knee replacement sooner than later if I don't lose weight. I'm back to using the old lady carts at the stores. I'm avoiding stores with concrete floors that don't have the carts and I bought a bike, but I've only ridden it once because it's been really super cold, it's rained, or I've run out of time.

I'm hoping to get on it tomorrow if the storm has cleared, but it's rained all day long, though my knee has correspondingly seemed to suck the water out of the air and swell to larger proportions than usual.

I'm nervously eyeing the prospect of substitute teaching. If I'm teaching, I know I can't be on my feet all day -- my knee can't take it, but I am in a 'tween state, in that I am not quite ready for a wheelchair, however, I don't want to end up in surgery sooner versus later. At this point, I'd take the wheelchair, though to keep from aggravating my knee unduly.

Mike asked me what if I come into a room that isn't set up for wheelchairs. I told him I'd make kids move furniture until it was. I guess that doesn't phaze me in the least. Of course, at the end of the day, I'd ask them to move stuff back. However, I think this merits another discussion with the orthopedist. One thing I've been noticing is that walk through the parking lot can be excrutiating, so it might be nice to have a handicapped placard for my bad days and I really think I need a wheelchair as a back up. It might be worth finding out how much it would cost, too, to own one outright.

I am also considering getting a "band" on my stomach -- no, I don't mean a brass and drum section, but rather a temporary means of constricting how big my stomach is to lose weight. It is a lot less drastic than gastric bypass surgery and I need to look into it, as a means of considering my options. I think that would be a solution say for 6 months. I could build up my iron like gangbusters beforehand and find out a way of staving off my ever-present anemia during, and then have it removed and take what weight loss I get from it and keep on going with it. If I have a smaller body, it'll be easier to exercise and move it around -- bike or not and I suspect my poor knee would be happier, too.

Tomorrow is another day to get stuff done in, I guess.

I'm sick. That's where I've been. Sick in bed or in front of the computer. I finally broke down and took prednisone last night because at 4AM, Mike begged me to.

At 5AM, I finally got to sleep.

I'm tired, but I'm better.

Well, I've got bronchitis now.

I just got the laundry caught up and now, here I am again. I'm hoping that I don't end up endlessly sick so much that I don't get the opportunity to get my flu shot.

I bought a midnight ticket to see Harry Potter at midnight on Thursday night. I'm going by myself because I'm the only one who can stay up that late. My schedule's so screwed up from being sick, it's just craziness.

I've got a lot I want to say, but I'm too sick and tired to go there. I just wanted to let you know, I'm not dead, but I am sure thinking I'm going to die soon when I cough.

Everyone is finally feeling better. I tried something stupid last night because I was hungry and then was highly uncomfortable all night long. Note to self: jalapeno-artichoke dip and tortilla chips is a bad choice soon after tummy flu. With my advancing years, I've become less tolerant of peanuts, so while there used to be almond butter, there's not now. I also am fresh out of hummus. Cheese just didn't sound good. Obviously, protein was the desired thing last night, but nothing I had in the house sounded good.

Today, is Mike's profit sharing day. The profits are down, though, so we're expecting a hit. I've already figured that into the budget, but if it's worse than anticipated, then Christmas will be slim this year. We're kind of holding our breaths. We talked about Christmas last night, but without a sure sense of budget, we're afraid to plan tons.

Next year, should be a lot better. Mike's company typically cycles every 3 years, so we're holdin' our butts, in the interim. They've already said it will affect raises, which sucks because it affected his raise last year, too, in a really bad way.

I'm going to be substitute teaching starting after Christmas, so I will be contributing to the household income.

I'm getting better. At least things have returned to only the runs.

If you've ever wondered what it's like to watch a large woman sprint through the house to the bathroom, come on over to my house. You'd probably be laughing your butt off, which trust me, is a lot better than what I've been doing with my butt lately.

Russell was trying to convince me all day that he was sick, too, but then he ate like a pig and he hasn't hurled once. I told him that to stay home he was going to have to hurl or he was going to school. I also told him he's off Runescape for two weeks because essentially he's not leaving his room to eat, bathe, or take his meds, nor is he sleeping. I think if he was doing those things AND playing, I'd be okay, but he's not caring for himself. Surprisingly enough, he's fine about going to school.

My intestines are struggling to figure out normal. I finally bought yogurt tonight. My stomach is wrecked this evening. I don't think it's as a result of the yogurt, but just how I'm going through recovery. I'm distended with gas so badly that I look pregnant. My gas is so loud you can hear it moving and whining through my abdomen from some distance. I've taken to just showering after each race to the bathroom because wiping all those sore spots is too much. I've lit a candle for my lost intestinal health -- actually, to keep the stench to a dull scream because it's 30 freakin' degrees outside and that fan is COLD and loud.

And yet, the fun never ends.

This entry is a gross one. If you continue to read, you've been warned.

A couple days ago, Genny had a stomach bug -- she barfed all over our bedding, the hallway, the bathroom, etc. Then when we were cleaning up from round one, she puked in her bucket in the livingroom and then dumped the bucket. She had a couple more rounds, but they were relatively uneventful.

Today, is my turn.

I've had stomach cramps, food's not interesting, and I've had the runs, but even after being in bed all day, I got up about 10 minutes after Mike went to bed, went into the bathroom for my ritualistic runs, and then when I stood up, I felt things adjust in my belly, so I sat back down. I started to get woozy enough to see stars and I yelled to Mike that I was passing out because I'm thinking, "Shit, what if I pass out and hit my head on the tub or something?" And then I started to projectile all over the tub, while sitting on the john. As this was happening, I remember giving birth to Genny and having the same thing happen -- I just was all over the room because I didn't have a contained place.

Because after that, I felt a lot better, which had me keep thinking about the The Hungry Caterpillar who eats a green leaf and after that he feels a lot better.

The really icky thing? (Like this wasn't icky enough) is that we're running out of buckets because both Mike and Russell are feeling a little nauseous, too.

I don't think there's enough yoga for this. I really really don't.

This week kind of blew over me like a hurricane. Really.

I am still trying to figure out how I feel.

Bottomline: No one but us showed up at the hearing. Complete custody of Russell is mine.

The adoption is hopefully going to be done by Christmas.

Everything else is just kind of crazy.

So tomorrow is the hearing for our filing of abandonment against Bear's biological father.

I just hope he doesn't show up.

I'm actually applying for work that I want. I just applied for a job with a place that works with families and kids. I figured that would be a good match for me.

I'm also getting materials together to apply for my substitute license. I'd prefer to be a substitute -- I live in a place that would be conducive to me working in three or four different counties -- and a substitute position would work around the kids' school schedule. On the other hand, I'd be a substitute and we all know how much abuse substitute teachers can take. We even know how much abuse we've seen inflicted on them as children.

I figure either way, I can work. It might not be a ton of money, but it'd be money and it'd be nice to be working.

If things get bad, I'll go back to temping, but I'd rather pull my navel through my but than do that.

There's so much paperwork. It takes so long to process. I'm going to have to go be fingerprinted, which ought to be big fun. Thankfully, I didn't get arrested for any of the bad stuff I did in my early 20's. ;)

Today, I felt like I didn't do much. I was just kind of in slow motion all day. I woke up late after going to bed late and got moving late and everything was just later and later as the day progressed.

I've been playing runescape lately. It's got me totally hooked. I've gotten to be a pretty good magician and fighter, but that's about it. I'm bored mostly. I hit this place before in playing and found it just as boring. And then Mike said something and I was all interested again.

Now, I can't remember why I was interested.

Genny's butterfly room is shaping up. Stuff is so pretty and she feels special, so that's all that mattered. She was running through the house shouting,"I've got a pretty butterfly room!" We finally asked her to stop shouting in the house.

I got the butterfly canopy up and I got curtains hung on the window and you can't see butterflies from the outside. I have this thing about not wanting people to look at my windows and be able to determine whose room is whose. I don't want them to see that the rooms are for kids or to be able to determine the gender of the child whose room it is. I know I live in the country, so I should get over it, but it's just a parental weirdness with me and Mike actually agreed.

So we actually went outside and made sure that you couldn't see the butterflies on her curtains from outside.

I'm halfway through the construction of her closet organization system thing. I think Mike's going to have to pound out the board and pole that's in there and we'll have to repaint a bit, but I think she'll be happy with the final result. We're also going to be putting up butterfly stuff we bought for her room to decorate further and her Winnie-the-Pooh light is going to go to charity along with her WTP throw rug. I have to replace her throw rug with something pretty, but I can't find anything I'm thrilled with yet. The thing that was supposed to come with the set, is ugly and expensive, so I need to hunt a little longer and I tell you, my inclination is just to skip it.

I also have to paint over existing stencils of WTP and friends on the wall. So I need to scrounge through the garage and find my bucket of paint and do my repairs.

I also was Suzy HomeEc today -- roasted a beautiful turkey and made yams, stuffing, and gravy for it. I also made a lovely no-sugar added cranberry sauce with apples, raspberries, lemon zest, orange zest, and a boatload of fresh ginger. Both kids liked it -- a feat unheard of in most kitchens AND the husband liked it, and he usually loathes cranberry sauce.

Of course, I got splattered several times while tending the pot, so I really need to think about that whole "wear an apron" thing more carefully. I need to can the rest of it and give it away to my diabetic friends for the holidays or plan to make more. I have such a huge pot, canning it seems likely.

Genny had a purple beaded necklace at dinner and put it on Mike's head and said,"You be the fairy and I'll be the princess because fairies like princesses." Mike says,"I don't know about that. Fairies might like princes, especially, if they're girls."

Then as an afterthought, he says,"Unless, they're from San Francisco."

I piped up,"Well, those fairies like queens."

Mike smirked.

Genny says, "Well, then they would like queens and princesses."

Mike and I giggled and said,"Nope, fairies from San Francisco like queens."

Then I said,"I'd like to be the fairy." So Mike gave me the necklace and said,"Just so you know, I don't swing that way."

I laughed and laughed.

We got up early this morning and took the boy child to get a barium swallow done.

And it's official, he has gastric reflux. We kind of knew that and I'd been cooking to counteract that, but I'm glad we caught it now, so that nothing permanent or awful happened. He's been taking prevacid for a bit now and I'd bought him over the counter meds for it, too.

I don't know if this entails more testing or not. We should find out on Monday.

Mike's now harrassing me to get the same thing done, but I'm waiting until January when our new health account thing rolls over because this is going to cost us big.

In other health news, I'm low thyroid again, so I'm having to increase my dose. It's weird because all the stuff they worried would happen when I took the new thyroid meds did not and I went hypothyroid again, which has fucked my sugars to no end and which means I was right to be taking more thyroid there for a week or so.

The good news is that despite that I feel better and now, I'll get to feel even better, so nyah, cruel health goddess! I'd just like to not have to take insulin in the interim! Maybe I need to leave some steamed broccoli and steamed brown rice on the cruel health goddess' altar. I wonder if she likes salsa?

It's becoming nigh on 2AM, so off to bed with me.

Today was one of those days that when I got up, I thought to myself, "I wonder if I call Mike and beg to sleep in bed all day because I've got cramps, if I could just crawl in bed and die without feeling guilty?"

Then I realized, I'm me, so the guilt would be there regardless, because I know he'd say yeah, no prob and I'd feel rotten because our laundry didn't get done and I didn't clean stuff out of the car, etc. Mike doesn't care and never judges me when I do that stuff, but I still feel bad.

So I did laundry all day. It was kind of quiet. Just me, various renditions of Star Trek and MacGyver, folding sheets, hanging sheets, and getting towels together and put away.

Russell came home at 3 and we chatted a little. Then, I went and got Genny at LaDawn's. We talked for a bit and then, she had this plastic spider on her toaster cover. She was trying to scare the kids and was talking about catching the spider. I was kind of wrinkling my forehead because they were clearly not falling for it, but then she screamed so loud in pretending that I jumped. Then she was giving me crap for jumping. I laughed and said,"Hey, I spent a quiet day of doing laundry and getting stuff done, so the noise itself startled me, not the plastic spider!" Then she said,"It's never quiet here."

All I could think is that I don't think I could handle not having some quiet time. I think the most enjoyable part of my day was hanging sheets on the clothesline. I was enjoying the sunshine balanced against a cool autumn day. I annoyed a male quail in charge of a covey, so he was giving me "back off bitch" chirrups and I smiled at him and told him gruffly to get off my bird house. He flew off in a flutter of wings and chirrups to keep track of his wards.

Now, I enter the house and I think to myself, "What the hell is that smell?" I've searched the kitchen and all I found was a moldy orange left over from cutting the things for the cross-country team -- no one but Mike can eat oranges in our house because the rest of us are allergic or are worried about allergies -- so I tossed it out. Mike threw out the trash, but I can still smell something odd. I have a super sensitive nose, but damn.

That should be a reality game show,"What the hell is that smell?" You put something horrendous under a couple of contestants' noses and once they've stopped gagging, you ask them, complete with audience participation,"What the HELL is that SMELL?!" The first one to ring in correctly gets points. The final round would be weird things -- not easily identifiable maybe in vials sitting on a wheel o' fortune wheel maybe with hints offered. Contestants could get one hint for free, but further hints would jeopardize the amount of final loot that they took home.

I may have too much time on my hands.

Speaking of which, I demonstrated how much time I have on my hands while driving to Salt Lake City. I came up with a redneck vocabularly word passing an exit for Shafter. I told Mike,"What shafter in the fridge?" He snickered appreciatively.

I got up feeling like I'd been drugged and driven to Central America, last night, such that I was sleeping so hard when Genny came in to cuddle, that I had to literally drag myself up kicking and screaming and fell back asleep twice in the process. Sidenote: You know you're a mom when you toss blankets over your child and you make sure while not conscious that her feet are covered.

I got up and got moving and got Genny over to LaDawn's for schoolwork and then headed to the small city to eat then swim. I swam for a half hour and there were a few things I learned about how much my stupid knee hurts, but hell, it felt good and my sugars were better afterwards.

Then I started to drive home and discovered a Walmart very close to our closest store. I got so excited that I drove over through the parking lot to look around and verify that it was open and then called LaDawn to say,"Did you know that...?"

I need a life. I can't believe I'm excited at the prospect of a closer Walmart, but for me, it means less driving to get house essentials. I know I should just sell my soul to the devil and get it over already, but when you drive as much as I do in the course of a week, you'd appreciate closer shopping, too.

Then I came home and threw together a pot of beef stew, some laundry, and a fruit crisp that was to die for -- plums, pears, apples, and raspberries. Next time, I'm leaving out the raspberries, but it was yummy. A little snipped up fresh ginger, lemon zest, and pecans made for a yummy crisp. I made buttered egg noodles to put stew on and munched away.

Tomorrow, I need to cook up and can the cranberries and raspberries into a yummy canned cranberry sauce for turkey. I'm roasting one on Friday because they had a two for one deal. The other one is in the freezer waiting for T-Day. I figure a bit of sugar-free cranberry sauce done ahead for the holidays is a good thing. :)

Course, I'm a bit touched in the head, too. *chortle*

So, I was reading a friend's blog and she had this quiz thing up, so I went over and did the quiz, of course. Mine made no sense, so I did a different quiz. I thought the results were interesting and pretty much sum me up.

You fit in with: Taoism Your ideals mostly resemble those of the Taoist faith. Spirituality is the most important thing in your life. You strive to live by all of your ideals, and live a very intellectually focused life. 60% spiritual. 30% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Honestly, I believe in Christ as my Savior, but I also believe in a lot of stuff that isn't necessarily in agreement with what's in the Bible. However, the way I live is with the idea that I should always strive to do the right thing and be kind to people no matter what. I'm not always successfuly, but I figure it's a good goal.

Ultimately, I think I end up being what many would consider a good Christian because I do live like that. I feel like with my kids I have to set an example, so I live my life with that in mind. I feel like charity is the one thing that everyone should do no matter what because helping people is what we are on this earth to do. I believe that we are all given opportunities to give to others all the time and that taking advantage of those opportunities is our duty.

I still do it, but I try not to judge folks. I have a wide cadre of friends from several walks of life and with a wide variety of political viewpoints. Some of my dearest friends are avid conservatives and if you know anything about me at all, I'm a bleeding heart liberal, baby. Bleed me dry, and you'll still find the hardcore liberal inside me. I tend to look past the politics and look to what people do -- their random acts of kindness.

Taoist seems so weird, but not far off in many respects.

After doing some research on the net, I've discovered that hyPERthyroidism, like from taking too much hormone, can make a diabetic's sugars go high.

All I could think is SHIT!

I took insulin with dinner, ate a sensible dinner and still had a 178. I piggybacked some more insulin after that. I sure hope the endocrinologist calls me back soon.

I thought maybe I'd lose weight.

But no.

Tomorrow, I take the blood test to confirm this, but I suspect I'm in trouble.

Add to this dilemna that my boobs hurt and my period is due -- always around the full moon, and I'm a miserable witch a bit too early for Halloween.

The Gilligan's Island theme song keeps going through my head,"A three hour tour..."

The trip ended up being about 10 hours there and 10 hours back.

I've had people say that I-5 from Sacramento to LA is the dullest trip in the universe. To them, I suggest driving I-80 through Nevada. In the day. Absolutely mind numbingly boring. Every single town has either a West or an East attached to it. So as you're zooming by at 75-80 mph, you're driving by East Bumfuck, Bumfuck, and West Bumfuck.

You have to schedule your pee stops because in some places the towns are an hour apart.

Some of the names of these places are so weird, too. There's Deeth Starr Valley. Russell asked, "Is that like Death Valley?" I said, "No, that's Deeth (Teeth). Death Valley is in California." Next to Deeth Starr Valley is Welcome Valley and in the same neighborhood is Ruby Valley, which, of course, I view as very important. ;)

I kind of had to make up what's interesting in this ride. One thing is that there were several areas of geothermal energy and plants complete with turbines that took advantage of it. I think the most telling sign said,"Danger Scalding Water." I kept having visions of some stupid bit of cattle coming in to take a drink and burning off its lips or something. It's just kind of creepy in some ways on a day when it's 76 degrees to see steam all over the landscape on the side of the road.

The next thing that was kind of weird was all the salt. Like everywhere.

You say, but that's the Bonneville Salt Flats -- there were pools of salt water all over the place for miles and miles and miles, but there were also miles and miles of dried salt beds far into Nevada where there was little growing and far from the reaches of the salt flats proper. Of course, in the midst of absolute nothing, where nothing grows in the intense salty environment is this crazy tree. From a distance, I asked Mike,"What the hell *is* that? A cell phone tower gone bad?" As we're driving by it, Mike says,"No, it's a fruit tree and there is actual 'fruit' on the ground." I say,"Weird."

We stopped in Wendover on the first night because we were tired and got a hotel. What's odd is that apparently there was some kind of big hoohah over whether or not Wendover was in Utah or Nevada and where one draws the line. Because in West Wendover there are brothels and casinos, which offend the overly Christian who live in Utah. Utah apparently wanted to wash its hands of Wendover.

"HANDOVER WENDOVER. An historic meeting took place last week to decide the fate of Wendover, UTAH. The town sits on the Utah border, directly opposite West Wendover, NEVADA, and according to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, the two burgs are about to merge. If all the "i's" are dotted and "t's" crossed, Wendover, Utah, will cease to exist because the two-state compact will cede the Utah portion to Nevada. Consideration must be given to schools, parks, social services and transportation -- as well as municipal debt. If it comes off, it will be the first time in modern American history that a state boundary will change to stitch one city to another state, says a spokesman for the process." from State Net

Personally, Wendover and West Wendover were just exits with places we could pee or eat, so the casinos and brothels had little impact on us. Nevada has fewer taxes than Utah, so I guess I'd rather be a Nevadan than a Utahan. Not to mention that Utahan is hard to say.

There are apparently three or four prisons on the route, too. Several signs warn against stopping because it's a prison zone. I'm thinking, if I'm driving 75-80 mph on up and some guy in an orange jumpsuit is hitching on the side of the road, the chances are, I'd blink and miss him along with half the places on this route.

My final comment regarding the driving part of the trip: The going joke between Mike and me: "I'll pay you $20 if you find a Catholic Church in this town (Salt Lake City)." Never have I seen so many Mormon Churches. How do you identify a Mormon church? It'd be the steepled building with no crucifix.

I'm about doing laundry til I puke today. Tomorrow, I take the packed van, pick up the girl around 1115 at daycare, pick up the hubbins at work around 1145, and the boy at noon and then we head for Mel's.

We're going to a Princess tea party. Please gag me, but yes, that's what we're doing. It's Lulu's birthday and we'd said some time ago that we were going to go. Russell has asked if he can bring his gameboy, I also suggested that he could stay at the hotel and do his homework, if he was going to be a snot. He quickly stated that no, he would not be a snot.

I bought a gift for her younger brother, whose birthday was a couple weeks ago. I figure he's young enough at two to not quite get why he doesn't get gifts and she does. I bought him a gi-normous tonka truck, which I am pretty sure, he'll adore. I got her one of those unfold it fabric princess trunks, a princess strobe light, and a Ken doll. Her mom is getting her a princess doll, so I figured she'd probably need a prince, so that they could marry and live happily ever after.

I've got nutritious snacks for the trip -- no crap, so that I can actually keep my sugars reasonably managed and so the kids don't end up cranky from crappy fatty salty food. I got carmel corn cakes, carrot sticks, celery sticks, cheese chunks, and fruit. I got propel because it doesn't have a bunch of sugar in it and because the kids like it and it'll keep everyone hydrated. I got diet soda for me and mountain dew for Daddy because I figure 8 hours of driving will require caffeine. I'm also packing bottled water. Because the weather is supposed to be touchy this weekend, we're also going to pack winter coats. If you can think of anything I forgot, of course, lemme know. ;)

Oh, yeah, the kitchen sink! Shit. I'm going to have to repack EVERYthing. Heh.

My biggest problem with packing is that I have no idea what I will want to wear, so I end up packing about three times the clothes that I actually need, and invariably forget some important component to a family member's wardrobe. Last time, I didn't pack enough socks for Mike and Bear, so we found a local Walmart and bought socks.

My sugars are better today. I tested and they were 106 at 7AM. I went back to sleep and they were still 106 at 10. At brunch, I was careful -- a couple slices of pizza and a big salad. I told Mike that I don't understand my need to sleep until 10-1030 daily. It's just plain weird. He said that I should go to bed earlier. The trouble is that I am such a night owl that I get a lot more crap done at night, so I prefer to stay up to do it. I just feel guilty and naughty sleeping in so much.

I'm also thinking that the burgundy curtains on the northeast side of the house aren't helping. My already cave-like room becomes darker and cozier, so my light clock is all confuzzled. I'm thinking to change out the curtains to sheers, so that we retain the privacy, but gain some of the light.

I need to stop dawdling at the computer and head out to get Genny.

Lately, I've been so tired and things are hurting in weird places.

I haven't been checking my sugars much, but I pulled one last night -- a 145. For me, that's kind of high before bed. I usually like to have my sugars more around 100-110 before bed. So I took an extra glucophage. This morning, they hadn't dropped much only 129 -- again high for me.

Around 4PM, I took my sugars and they were 93, and I was hungry, so I had a small slice of apple pie. Three hours later, they were 188! I was stunned. I haven't had a sugar that high since I took prednisone!

I took a little 70/30 insulin to bring it down. Two hours after dinner, my sugars were 122. Kind of high for me.

I biked a little on the exercise bike and now, they're 106, but damn. Makes me wonder what the heck?

I'm going to get up at a decent hour and do a quesadilla with a pound of salsa for breakfast. I'll have a sandwich for lunch with a small apple, and then dinner will be Hamburger Helper with ground turkey and veggies and I'll track the sugars.

Today was Bear's last run.

Just shy of the finish line, he started to stop and said,"My back hurts!" I said,"So, come on! You can beat your mom, so RUN!"

We started running together, and he dusted me and then he got over the finish line. Mike snapped a picture.

I got up there and he triumphantly said,"Mom! I'm not last! I beat like 10 people!"

Nevermind that he was 146th of 157, that simply didn't matter a whit to him. He finished and he wasn't last and that was all that mattered to him.

I don't think you could have wiped the smile off that kid's face. He was so happy.

I'm just about the proudest mom in the entire universe, in case you were wondering. My motto is: "I don't give a crap how fast he is, as long as he finishes."

I got up at 520AM to pee -- hell, I wasn't sleeping much anyhow and called my parents. They were okay, but scared. A lot of people were missing and some people had died. They'd managed to keep their electricity and phone, but water had blown across the road by a culvert on one of the roads that they use to leave the farm.

My dad's rain gauge had measured nearly 9 inches of rain before it overflowed. My dad estimated closer to 11 inches of rain over the weekend.

Their boat had lost its mooring at Spafford Lake, a place where the main road had simply washed away. A neighbor had tied the boat to a tree, but my parents were worrying that if they didn't get the boat that the boat would be stuck on top of the neighbor's pier when the water receded and they'd never be able to get it out of there. The water had been 5 feet up, but had dropped to 3 feet, so it's going down, but the fear in my mom's voice really did a lot to add to my feeling of dread and helplessness.

After much detouring and driving around to get there, they retrieved their boat and waited for hours for the marina folks to detour and drive around to get it. The boat is put up and they got home safe after hours and hours of driving, when it should have only been 1-2 hours of driving. My mom called me at 10PM her time and said they'd gotten dinner at 9, she was washing dishes and heading to bed.

She was so upset. She said Alstead was flattened. She said that most of the people wouldn't have thought to have flood insurance -- the Connecticut River wasn't the problem, it was all the small streams and rivers that overflowed and caused all the flooding. New England is kind of like a rainforest and is full of these small streams and brooks. With that much rain, all of those small babbling brooks became roaring rivers tearing away the foundations of homes.

My mom said neighbors of theirs on the lake are missing. This couple's house is intact, but their truck was in a river and they were nowhere to be found.

I just heard a news story on the 11 o'clock news that said that there was severe flooding in my home town area and that the Governor of New Hampshire has declared a state of emergency there.

Two people are dead, and there are several missing. Lots of roads and bridges are out.

What you have to understand is that there aren't a detour routes in New Hampshire. Basically, there's one road to most places and maybe one back route and several of those places are simply unreachable. I looked at a map of the area and compared that against a newspaper article of all of the roads and bridges that are gone and it's pretty freaky. I know that there are places my mom won't be shopping any time soon.

I can't call my parents because it's 230AM there, so I'd be taking my life into my own hands. I also know that they didn't mention our town, but several surrounding towns and that my parents' farm is on a hill, so while they may have some flooding they're not likely to be cut off from anything. Also, our town wasn't listed as one of the ones affected in any of the stories, just Keene, which is the big main tow.

However, the main town where my mom and dad get groceries had flooding of 4-6 feet, so I don't know if they'll be able to get what they need for a few days anyhow.

Mike was all jazzed because he set up a recumbent bike, for me and spent a couple hours doing so, and I'm in here bawling and searching the internet for information rather than using it. Tomorrow, after I talk to my mom, I'll go use it. I promise.

I'm just freaking out until tomorrow morning.