I'm so tired.

I got the livingroom and kitchen so they didn't look like such horrible pits. I still have more to go, but at least that's progress.

This week, Genny finally got signed up for Kindergarten. We went out to Mervyns and had her select her backpack, which is on wheels and pink, naturally. Genny is a princess, so she had to have the fancy stuff. Russell gladly takes the cheap no frills backpack, though this year, with the extra books, I got him a nice ergonomic backpack that we could fit to his body from Lands' End. I saw it and immediately thought of him.

We watched various DVDs from Elvis' comeback special (1968). Sarah and I decided that Elvis must be hot in black leather, but that he was not only the owner of the hottest ass, but he also was apparently hung like a horse, and that he had the most gorgeous *comefuckme* eyes we've ever seen. We were yelling things like "Come on, baby, take OFF the fucking jacket. You're hot and we'll hold it for you!" Elvis borrowed hankies from various adoring groupies in the special to wipe is hubbahubbadingdong eyebrow. I think the coolest thing in this DVD was the tribute to gospel and rhythm and blues he did --awesome modern dance and great music.

LaDawn blew me off. She says she didn't, but she did. I knew she didn't want to see Elvis anyhow, but I made ribs just for her and I bought strawberry daiquiri makings and perfected the art of strawberry daiquiris just for her. She claims she'll come around today, but we'll see.

I figure anyone who doesn't like Elvis is crazed anyhow. Harumph. However, she is one week behind me on periods (because I was a week early), so she's got horrendous PMS, so I'm not nearly as upset about it as Sarah is.

In the middle of daiquiris though, Leann called upset because she wanted someone to bring her her kids. I explained that I had already had a couple of daiquiris, so I wasn't in any condition to drive, so I need to go visit today and see what I can do for her. I guess she and Brian had a fight, where he refused to bring the kids because he was too busy. I guess I don't understand the kind of busy that involves leaving your hospitalized wife undergoing chemotherapy alone and lonely when she wants to see her children.

I've never liked him much, but I like him less now.

---

I have to go wake up sleepyhead and we need to get going.

I had to drive to California today to get Genny's birth certificate.

I'm so predictable that I'm rather embarrassed. I always stop at the same outlet stores and the same produce market. But, dude, they had tomatillos for $.69 a lb. Do you have any idea how much salsa I can make now? I also bought fresh cilantro, jalapenos, and I've got limes, baby. Mike's now insisting he must have a smoker to do things right, of course.

Heh.

Lord-EE, we're such salsa snobs.

--

1. 'sides that...this week Russell turned 12. I'm having a hard time not wanting to overprotect the snot out of him. He's such a good kid and I'm so darned proud of him, and sometimes, he's still just a kid. Such a tweenager.



2. My friend, Harsh Betty's birthday is today. She's reaching forward into old fogeydom , as I am. I'm fully expecting to spend my birthday cleaning my house. It's sad and all, but I'm also going to go to Vegas two days after and I've been promised a birthday meal at Excalibur and a day of lounging at the pool. Mike wanted to know what I want for my birthday and I told him a massage. I'm thinking I can get that in Vegas at the hotel.



3. Sarah, LaDawn, and I are having an Elvis day on Saturday. LaDawn is bringing the kids over and they'll all play game cube, while we drink strawberry daiquiris, eat popcorn, and watch Blue Hawaii (DROOOOOL! Young Elvis makes me hot!) and the Elvis comeback special. Mind you, the comeback special is at a time in Elvis' live that I don't think he was at hot as in his young beach movies, but I'm humoring Sarah.



4. Big Dog has this shirt and when I stopped at the outlet store on the way home, I found a pink sweatshirt with that on it and had.to.have.it.



5. I'm so freaking tired, but I'm continuing to lose weight, and I'm not AS tired, so I see that as a good sign.



6. I guess what I'm sidetracking about, while I ramble on, is just how soul crushing Hurricane Katrina has become. I can't imagine what it's like and it breaks my heart. We've donated to the red cross and then today, Mike's company announced it would match employee contributions, so I sent them my online receipt. I wish I could empty out my closets, cupboards, and dressers to send everything I have to these people.
   
   I'm embarrassed to live in a country that goes running off to save the rest of the world, but doesn't seem to be able to get it together to save its own. I also feel that there's a sense in which racism is involved -- for the most part, we are seeing poor black people on our TV screens. The TV commentators are saying how many of them couldn't afford to leave because they didn't have the money for a hotel, a tank of gas, or in some cases, even transportation. And darned, if they aren't getting help very fast at all. I'm betting if it were rich white people, everyone would be getting enough food, water, and shelter, and FEMA would have gotten far more help to these people a whole helluva lot faster than they are doing currently.
   
   I've been crying nightly. I just feel so helpless -- like a donation to the Red Cross is just a drop in the bucket compared to the enormity of need. So, if you can spare anything, you should donate to a Hurricane Katrina disaster fund, too. These people need it. You should also be bitching your fool head off at your politicians to get on FEMA's ass and ride 'em like a bronco.

First day of school was today for Russell.

First, they want him to walk a quarter mile with cerebral palsy and braces to the bus stop. The only other option through the bus people is for him to have to ride the bus with all the severely handicapped kids. Russell said he didn't want to do that (all his friends are on the regular bus, he doesn't want to be different, etc.), but that he thought it was kind of far to have to walk with his braces. Mike is just going to take him on his way to work.

Second, we've got all of Russell's stuff color-coded for his various classes, syllabi signed, questions of the special ed liason asked, and emails sent. Tomorrow, I buy binders and tab thingies for some of his classes. I find the whole thing rather heinous after already setting up one system of organization, that we will have to have several.

Third, my period is here 4 days early again. LaDawn is snippy today, as I was yesterday, which means hers is next, and we'll both be grumpy and crampy. Isn't close girlfriend period synchronicity, fun? I hate to think when Sarah's is.

Fourth, my back hurts so bad, I wish I could just rip out my spinal column. My low back feels like I've got a big giant electric eel back there laying across it and jolting me out of my skin every so often. I'd like to turn that eel into stew. I wonder if electric eel cooks itself? hee.

Fifth, tomorrow, I've got more stuff to do for Russell at school, so it'll probably be a buttcrack of dawn morning again. I think it's dreadful that anyone should get up this early, much less have to spend a fucking hour on the bus after doing so. Thus, the reason, he's getting a ride with Daddy.

Sixth, my husband has become a Runescape addict. He plays every freakin' moment he's home. It's not cool because he's coming home late and not having much time to spend with us anyhow, but then he buries himself on the computer, which sucks.

Today was another in what seems like an endless week of summer entertainment of children -- we went to the water park for the second day in a row. Mike practically begged to stay home and work on the yard and do laundry. You have to know that normally to get Mike to do heavy work in the hot sun requires an act of God. He admits to being a fundamentally lazy man and he loathes the heat. Tomorrow, however, school starts, so my one-woman entertainment extravaganza will end.

All good things come to an end and heck, even some of the the not so good.

I'm kind of bummed I don't get to play with the kids all the time, but I have been really missing my alone and down time. I've had such a hard time getting stuff done with the kids here. Genny's cute and Russell's funny and sweet, but sometimes, I need to just hear myself think and I swear their squabbling has been hitting new heights sometimes.

I'm looking forward to getting the kitchen floor scrubbed and the children's bathroom firehosed out. I'm looking forward to having all the laundry put away and getting my livingroom neat enough that I don't feel humiliated every time someone walks through the door.

I'll grant you that I now realize that my thyroid has been functioning at less than stellar levels, which is why I've been feeling more depressed, lethargic, and generally, toasted. Speaking of toasted, I'm going to be hammered, if I don't get to bed soon. I have to get up with the boy and husband and get to the big city where the boy has school and the husband has work and his car.

Night-night.

Spent the day at the water park after spending the night ALONE with the hubby at the Hilton.

Paris wasn't there, but my hot monkey lover was.

Hee!

I'm tired and going to bed.

I'm so freaking tired. I took Genny and a kid from LaDawn's daycare and went to the Little City and got Genny the updated glasses frame. Then, we had lunch together, and then picked up the desk I bought for our bedroom. Mike set it up, but to do so, of course, he loaded my side of the bed with all the crap from the original computer desk setup. Butthead.

Then we headed to Costco. I had originally thought I'd just buy my shampoo and blow, but decided to look into wireless plans because I loathe my cricket phone and ended up buying one, but the guy took TWO FUCKING HOURS. Do you have any idea the levels of meltdown that a sleep-deprived 5 year old can reach? Do you have any idea how bad it is to be stuck at Costco with the manipulative 9 year old from hell for TWO FUCKING HOURS?

9 yo: I wish *we* had a Costco card.
me: Why?
9 yo: So I could get the really neat socks and gel pens over there.
me: Well, I have a card, just get money from your parents and I'll bring you.
9 yo: That won't happen.
me: Not my fault.

(In my head, "I bought you a great lunch, a smoothie and I'm getting you ice cream afterwards, you little shi-shi head!")

Succinctly, it sucks. I like my phone, but I learned today to use the internet for deals in the future.

Fuckerheads.

After that, we went through the drive-through at Baskin-Robbins and I bought a bottle of water and the girls got shakes. Then, I drove home to get Russell who had called me 27 times while I was running my errands to ask me dumb questions and basically express his discomfort with being home. I got him and took him with me and dropped off stuff for LaDawn, dropped of the 9 year old, and went home. 9 year old was huffy because I went to get him, but I explained that him being that nervous was freaking me out.

On the way home, I ascertained that stinky boy had not bathed today and instructed him to go inside and remedy that because we had the orientation at junior high tonight. What struck me at orientation is that they were all proud of the fact that they are the only 7-12 high school in the state and that that was special somehow. 1600 kids is special all right -- in a leave the kids behind kind of way. It's the educator in me, I swear, but damn, that's a lot of kids and I was in a 7-12 situation as a 7th grader and it was scary as hell. I didn't really have friends though, which is where Russell is better off. He's got two friends who would kick ass on Russell's behalf, as they consider him family and they are very protective of him.

We got to meet with the math teacher who seemed like Russell's needs would be no problem at all to cope with. I was very happy to hear that.

After all that, Bear and I went to Walmart and bought color coded notebooks and book covers for his classes. I was looking for floppy disks for him to transport his homework back and forth on and realized I'm out of touch to think that a floppy disk would be appropriate, as I looked at the various disks and sticks -- things we use in the PDA and camera that had so much more storage. I called and talked to Mike briefly on the new cell and decided that a flash drive he can wear on a necklace around his neck would be perfect.

I've gone through the bed mound a little, but I'm so tired I don't want to deal with it. Mike and I ended up doing it together and then making the bed with our brand new sheets.

I told Russell that we could do the waterpark tomorrow, but my feet hurt in whole new horizons of agony and my leggs are wobbly sore, so I spent a lot of time on the way home from Walmart begging not to have to go. Our compromise is that he'd let me sleep in and see how I feel. I said, I'd let him know by noon.

I've been losing serious weight on this thyroid pill. It's been amazing. I've lost 11 lbs since I started taking it! It probably helps that I'm eating at least one vegetarian meal a day. Tonight, we went to Denny's and I just ordered a salad and grilled cheese and it was great.

I have to try to sleep BEFORE 1AM. Really.

News...

LaDawn's refi didn't happen. It ended up being a mess and sunk their credit score because the bank kept telling her not to pay and so her last two payments were late. Somewhere today, her kid managed to plaster his room, rug, bedding in paint because while playing fort with the paint cans, one of the cans fell and opened.

I've had aching ovaries, for lack of a better term. My left one seems most perturbed, but the right one will kick in sometimes -- with no provocation. I hit the gynecologist's office tomorrow -- AGAIN.

I wrote Mel an email telling her that I'd really like if they paid us rather than spend money on a brand new car, a trip, a new house, and a brand new complete nursery for their third child. We didn't loan them several thousand dollars, so we could go without, while they lived large. Every time I've talked to them lately, they've bought something else, or they're going to. Mike asked,"So when were they planning to pay us something?"

Good question. I wrote a nice email asking them to cough up at least a monthly payment because I can't really work right now and we're struggling, not to mention that we had to refinance again with the loan we took out as one of the big expenses paid by it.

I am sure the shit will hit the fan, but when Mike is asking those kinds of questions, I feel like I have to address it, so I did.

Tonight, I made a lot of salsa -- three gallons. I put together a box of tomatillos, 8 bunches of cilantro, 8 red onions, probably about 10 limes worth of lime juice, and scads of smoked hot peppers of various varieties -- even a few sweet peppers for flavor. Mike smoked them on the grill for me and man, this is the best salsa I've ever made. Mike asked me if there was anything else he could smoke, so I pulled out a turkey breast and put him to work. It's finishing up in the oven right now, while my salsa jars boil.

I poured in a beer, some water and a boullion cube and have been basting the blue bejesus out of it. I'm thinking some nice cold sliced turkey sandwiches tomorrow for dinner with watermelon and salad. Yeah.

---

I realized today with relief that the kids start school on Monday, and good GOD, I can't wait. I swear I'm going to be one of about 100 moms lounging about at the waterpark.

Heh.

My husband loves me dearly. My husband loves me so much that he bought me a brand spanking new sewing machine that does everything short of smoking my after-sex cigarette.

Nonetheless, I like it. My other sewing machine never ever seemed to get the tension fully corrected even after a tune up and while I have deep sentimental attachment to my old machine, I really really LOVE this new one. I feel the need to stroke it and sigh happy sighs a lot. It's kind of like getting a new puppy and patting it on the head every time you go near it. Only this does pretty pretty things and will not crap on the carpet, nor whine to be let out.

Genny kept asking to sew with it. She was told resoundingly,"NO!" I also bought a cover, to keep her out of my machine. She can learn to sew on my OLD machine -- not mommy's new toy. Who says it's just boys and their toys? I don't need another vibrator for it to qualify as a toy, thanks. (The first two were bought by Mike as massagers...I told him to cut it out)

I'm going to be sewing this week. A. Lot. I'm going to be hunting up all my pretties in the garage. I'm going to be singing happy songs and going on at length about my amazing sewing machine. I know I should have a life, but I don't have one, but hot damn, if I don't have this spiffy astounding sewing machine!

Who needs sex, when there's Husquvarna?

I know, you're wondering, Holy Crap, what happened to Ruby?

Ruby is here. Ruby's been busy.

First, there's the refi. We finally get checks and then the stupid bank HOLDS the big one for us, the bas-TURDS! Very annoying.

I have in the interim paid off a couple of accounts. I have to make a form letter and then a spread sheet table that I can mail merge and send out a big stack of letters saying,"here ya go, here's the payoff and oh, by the way, we're cancelling our account with you because you're dragging down our credit rating."

I also have had some weird cramping in my uterine area. I got tested for the bladder infection and that has cleared, but now, I've got twinges and pulls in places I shouldn't, so the gynecologist has said to keep her informed. *Sigh* I wish I didn't feel like I was on a first-name basis with my gynecologist -- not that she's not the most amazing human being or anything, but that the fact that I am that close with her means that I am having to see her a lot for bad stuff.

Also, I've been thinking about going back to being a vegetarian. However, my forays into vegetarianism were cut short last night by a celebratory swing to the steak house. I don't have anything against eating meat, I just happen to prefer vegetables, cheese, and eggs instead, most of the time. However, I grew up on a beef farm, so I still like my occasional chunk o' cow. Last night's chunk o' cow, was an astounding ribeye steak -- most delicious. Today, however, I'm thinking of making quiche because my fridge is about ready to blow with eggs and I've got a ton of vegetables and fresh peppers in the garden I could mince within an inch of their skins, so the kids will eat them.

I was thinking Mike could barbecue some meat to go with the quiche.

Right now, however, I'm going to snooze a little longer.

Well, Mike and I were kind of losing our minds last night. I did some research on the net that said that we aren't to have sexual intercourse for 4 weeks. My doctor had said 2 weeks. But we decided to experiment in some other ways that didn't involve "intercourse" and while last night it was awesome and amazing, I paid the price last night and today.

Mike had the good sense to get me a pad and a pair of chonies, afterwards, in lieu of afterglow cuddle.

I should have had the good sense to keep it in my pants. There is just so much about him though that totally turns me on, especially lately. I think it's the idea that he wants me and isn't touching me out of consideration that makes me want him about 20 times more, so I perved on him big time.

The boy is trying to lie about in bed all day, today, but I made him wake up at 1045 and take his meds, which he groused about. He doesn't want to have to finish cleaning out the car. However, it's not going to fly. I'm just that mean. The biggest problem with Russell is that he drags on doing EVERYTHING and because I have to be consistent, I have to ride his ass. I can't let him forget stuff. Half the time, I forget anyhow for a day or two, which sucks. I follow up, but then I feel like a moron for not keeping on top of it from the get-go. The ADHD leading the ADHD -- it scares us all.

Okay, to finish where I was going, when I was so lovingly interrupted by my spouse...Hey, baby, you are a GREAT kisser. We have a date a week from Friday for all night marital relations.

I think God should be praised, and I also think that there are a lot of people struggling with meaning in their lives and how to make God part of their lives. It's not that people are stupid, they just want to understand the particulars of the where-when-how-who-what turning point when others are making that leap of faith, so that they can make it themselves and so that they can share the experience in some way.

I think churches are where people share that experience, often, but I also think that sometimes those big shares are when it's one person to another and not necessarily under the roof of organized religion.

Thus, I think Christian music is missing something. Yeah, of course, God is a wonderful pure love kind of being, worthy of praise, but I guess I'd be interested to hear Christian music that told a story -- kind of like Tracy Chapman or Mary Chapin Carpenter. And every so often you hear one, but I guess I want more. And I know the worship songs at a lot of these new-wave churches are of the white people butt-shakin' variety, but I guess I want more soul in music about one's soul, you know? I want more story with my glory, baby.

Maybe my forays into Christian music are too limited to be having this thought process, but if South Park can that accurately lampoon the genre, then perhaps it's a thought.

A little girl at LaDawn's daycare about a year younger than Genny basically went unconscious and was struggling to breathe. It made for a harry morning and I took kids to McDonald's because they were all freaking out and it was a way to keep them distracted.

Then we went to Costco and then later to the hospital. The little one wasn't up from emergency yet, but came to visit LaDawn this afternoon while I was there. I cried when I saw her. I don't think it hit me entirely until I saw her and then it hit hard.

Unfortunately, that was a lot more running around that I really have a right to be doing right now. I need to be careful and cautious with my body and I didn't do that. I yearned last night for a percocet because absolutely everything in my body hurt. I slept for 12 hours and then it still took me several hours to get conscious. And my abdomen feels like someone went in and rearranged my insides -- I feel like I should be able to look down and see bruises.

It's the running story of my life, I guess. I am a member of the Women who Do too much Society.

Today, I was reading old poetry and thinking about how I need to get back to that. I have so much to say still.

I think it came up as I was listening to Christian music that LaDawn had left in my CD player in the car how Cartman on South Park decided to make a gold record with Christian music and that it was mostly just rearranging the words of various love songs. It was a ridiculous episode and I hadn't totally gotten it until I heard this album.

Then it made me sad.

It sucks to have Christian music that isn't really doing anything except praising God. Everyone knows that God is fabulous, wonderful, spectacular, etc. I guess I want more story and more about what happened that brings people to God. I know I went away and I came back. People are always fascinated by how and why I came back to God. I'm always fascinated by other people who were wild and crazy and then return to God, too. The avenues they take to get there are interesting. There has been 2000 years of music praising God, where's the story? I'm not saying that there shouldn't be music praising God, but I think it'd be better to have music telling people's stories of finding God.

I went to church with Mike and LaDawn and spent most of it leaning against Mike, sucking on sour altoids from LaDawn, so I didn't throw up or pass out. I followed most of the sermon, despite snoozing through some of it, but I felt wobbly.

We went to IHOP afterwards, and then I came home and napped.

Then, thinking I'm all that and a bag of chips, I did too damned much, so the pain is keeping me up.

I called my brother and talked to my nephew and niece to wish them Happy Birthday. Damn, they are cute kids!

Way cute.

The niece went into this long detailed discussion about her bird, Blue. Blue isn't as dumb as Pedro was and will whistle back and forth with other birds, mimic people who whistle, but still gets his head stuck and looks hysterical pulling his head out of whereever he gets stuck. I was thinking to myself all kinds of sick things, but I behaved and went along with the kid. I was about falling on the floor laughing at the seriousness with which this kid took the whole thing.

What I thought was funniest, is that when I talked to my brother, I got more detail about the bird getting stuck and he was laughing like hell about it. When I suggested that perhaps, he should change the bird's environment to prevent an untimely demise, such as Pedro suffered, he said it was way too much fun to watch the damned thing trying to get out of its predicament and that it wasn't a life or death situation and that he would try, in the future, to not get so much enjoyment out of it. Maybe. Okay, not really.

Nonetheless, a sick sense of humor DOES run in my family.

__

Speaking of family, after talking with the Momminator, I talked with my endocrinologist and we're changing my thyroid meds. God, I hope it helps.

Things hurt and the exhaustion comes easily and in huge all-consuming waves. I had to drag to Russell's best friend's birthday party because they are family and that's what you do. I alternated between the chair and the blanket and pillow and blathered in Spanish with the ladies. I wish I was better at Spanish, but mostly, I just need vocabulary. I am seriously thinking about just taking a stupid class and geting through it already. Yeesh!

We had to go home and sign the papers for the yucky loan, but it seems like the promised second is going south anyhow. My feeling is that all-in-all, it's God's will. I did all the legwork and this is what happened. We decided that the whole thing was worth it because in six months we will have improved our credit so much as to be able to refi all the yucky parts of this refi away.

We're going to put in new windows on the house. It's a necessary expense for both energy efficiency. We also get a tax break from Prez Bush-it on doing so. We're considering changing our furnace to something other than heating oil -- maybe natural gas or propane? I need to get a price and see how hard it would be to get propane or natural gas into our house. I don't know if we get a tax break on that, but maybe I should find that out now, ay?

I am so tired that I'm not sleeping. Mike said to take a damned valium and go to sleep. Then he went into the bathroom to read, which is where the valium is. Being that I will not brave said bathroom with said stink, I'm here.

Lucky you. :)

I'm just really tired today. I did a lot of different stuff.

I interviewed for a part-time office job here in town. I like it for being here and for being part-time and I know the people. If it doesn't work, then I am going to just go get a substitute license and teach. I figure I can turn down the work I don't want and pick up the stuff I do and take a night class to work on my degree.

Tomorrow, I promised kids the waterpark, so off we go. I'll be good and tired for Friday's leep procedure, so afterwards, with all the drugs, I'll sleep well. The thing that will be hard is getting up for Russell's best friend's birthday party on Saturday.

There is something really odd about how tweenagers talk -- it's so awkward -- just like that transition from the constant peeping of baby chicks to the voice-breaking cock-a-doodle doo of the rooster becoming. Somehow, so much gets lost in the translation. In their hurry to grow up, they often miss the important points of the conversations around them.

My son had been convinced that the new dress code that the school was instating this year in middle and high schools said that he couldn't wear a blue or red shirt. Upon arrival at his school, I thought that was odd considering that the school colors are blue,that during spirit week, kids are going to want to where their school colors, and that they were selling blue sweatshirts at today's registration. My mother had knitted me mittens, made me shirts, and all kinds of things, so I could dress for games, so it simply made no sense. I was passing up really cool shirts because they were red or blue and it was pissing me off. I mean, I might never have been able to wear underroos, but I'll be cranky if the kids can't. :)

I figured that substantially narrowed the field of clothing I could purchase to grays and whites and other light colors, and not have to stain stick into next year. And what about burgundy? Would that be considered red? Or turquoise? Is that blue?

So, in a fit of desperation, I found the school'sdress code. It says no red or blue shoe laces. Not a damned thing about any color of shirt -- they just can't be showing shoulders, cleavage, or bellies. Well, duh. Like I was going to let my kid out of the house wearing that kind of trash anyhow.

I'm going to go back to living vicariously through my children and I'm buying a Spiderman shirt and a Fantastic 4 shirt, just to be a butt.

Hey, we got rained out from the waterpark -- big thunder and lightening. I ended up with two extra kids for the evening -- per a daycare parent of LaDawn's needing a night out for her anniversary with her husband. We agreed to swap nights out.

I have to go slip some shorts on, now that I'm out of my suit and have managed to put on everything else. It's that last act of bending over,after a long afternoon at the water park that is going to make me scream like a girl. I just know it.

I'm making an easy dinner -- apple chicken sausages, whole wheat buns, green beans, and french fries from a bag.

The youngest kid is making me crazy. She's obscenely stubborn, and she's always talking Genny into doing something they shouldn't.

I found them wandering in and out of the garage, even though, they both know they aren't supposed to be there. Then, I found her holding the poor cat by the neck, so I gently explained that she shouldn't hold the poor old cat by the neck that she needs to hold the cat under her front legs. Then she was digging in the gopher hole, where we poured a few pounds of gopher poision -- also something she knows not to do. She essentially refused to eat dinner and then went outside and was menacing the chickens with sticks. I sent Mike out to tell her to stop playing with sticks around the chickens -- this after we made them get out of the chicken coop after we heard the sound of alumunim bat connecting with aluminum siding and she was carrying the bat. Suffice it to say, I'd like to duct tape this kid to a chair for the rest of the evening, however, I'm just taking a breather from her right now, so I can pull together some patience.

Shi-shi head is the word of choice this evening.

I'm tired and I didn't really do much until noon.

Miss Thing is sick with a bad cold and basically, her brother set her up on the couch with the Scooby-Doo marathon on Cartoon Network, and when I went out to check on her, she was out cold, asleep on the couch. Please understand, my little girl is much like her mother in that she goes until she drops dead from exhaustion and unlike her mother, she never ever takes a nap unless she's absolutely forced to.

That is one damned sick kid, is all I know.

So, at about 130, I woke her up and we drove up to the big city near us and had lunch with Daddy. While we were there, we met up with LaDawn, who'd sung at a funeral and needed to get water park tickets from Mike's work. So I ordered her lunch, gave the keys to Mike to go back to work. We shopped a little at the market down the hill so I could get ingredients for dinner, and then drove over to Mike's work, bought tickets, and I picked up my car. Then I went to Walmart to grab a birthday present for LaDawn's son's birthday party tomorrow, and I shopped for a few patterns of dresses, pants, and jumpers for Genny to wear to school. I found some cheap fabric that would make pretty stuff and then bolted home.

At home, I had a Garlic Extravaganza.

I took about two big heads of garlic, three large skinless boneless chicken breasts, shallots, vermouth, white wine, fresh lemon thyme, lemon zest, parsley and mushrooms. I cooked up the chicken, then added the other stuff in and let it simmer. Then I made the best damned garlic relish ever -- a head of parsely, at least a quarter cup of garlic, a pinch of salt, and two teaspoons of vinegar in the food processor. After you grind it into mush, you put it in a bowl with enough olive oil to cover and serve it with bread. I made garlic bread. I also made whole wheat rigatoni with broccoli and parmesan cheese to serve the chicken over. We served a salad, but we never ended up eating it.

I hung out with Sarah and LaDawn and fed everyone and then started burning CD's for LaDawn, and one of them is very fucked up, so I'm not looking forward to telling her that tomorrow.

Tomorrow, Mike goes to work and I spend the day with LaDawn, supervising kids at a birthday party at the water park. I'm already tired and it's not even tomorrow yet! While there, we'll meet up with the boy's best friend, who just got back from Mexico. His folks are older and not the kinds of people you'd find at the water park with the kids, so I think Russell and he are going to be thrilled to see each other.

It should be a mind-blasting-eye-popping-thigh-melting-exhausting-day-from-hell for the parents, but loads of fun for the kids.

You know when you meet a guy, and the chemistry just goes off and wow, do you have good monkey love? Then you kind of wake up after some post-coital snoozing and realize that you better chew off your arm and get the heck out of dodge.

Well, imagine the same scenario, but the guy is your husband and you can't gnaw off your arm and you have to tolerate him stumping around the house like he's all that because he turned you into a puddle in the night and he's making snide little comments about what a hoochie little slut he turned you into and he's generally being insufferable.

Then, the big galoot puts on his boxers. And you roll your eyes one last time as he kisses your shoulder, and roll over and go back to sleep.

I bagged on going to the water park because Martha Monthly showed up and I pretty much just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I did take them to the local pool to swim for several hours and I got some swimming in, too. Genny's awfully close to learning how to swim, so it's fun to hang with her.

Let's see...

The second fell through, so they offered us the horrible first.

I started making calls to get help. We'll see what God gives us.

This is my laundry list for today.

I took kids to swim lessons, where I carefully showered and changed Genny. I went shopping with said children in the supermarket where they bitched, whined, harrassed and teased each other. I took them home and worked on paperwork crap, returned phone calls, and got the groceries put away. I picked up Russell's friend to visit, and just as I was leaving, LaDawn pulled up with the daycare kids. I sent them in the house, while I picked up the friend, and then came home and cooked lunch for 13. After cooking lunch for 13, I cleaned up lunch for 13, filled the dishwasher/dishrack with the dishes Mike hasn't done forever, and then scanned and emailed all of LaDawn's documents and showed her how easy it was to access email on the web. Then, I sent Genny with her, while I kept her sons with Russell's friend.

I investigated the possibility of classes for this year for me. I faxed my resume to a part-time position I was interested in. I got a call about another thing, but it turned out that it wasn't quite what I was looking for -- a long drive for $8/hour. I told the guy, if he was willing to consider telecommuting, that I was willing to consider his job. I picked up crap in my room, got a note from the IRS about that the stupid accountant may have put a typo on the amount on my return, resulting in me owing them $2200 for 1993, so had to track that down.

I did three loads of laundry, baked muffins, and mopped the kitchen floor.

Now, I'm collapsing into bed, exhausted, because tomorrow, we go to the waterpark, where I expect I will be heavily sunburned and wiped at day's end. Should be fun, but it just goes to blow ya, that there's no rest for the wicked.

Well, the financial person came to our house. We discussed the options. Basically, we're looking at a second and realistically, to move forward with our plans, I'll have to back to work in the next 6 months or so. I'd be happy to find something part-time, but I don't know if that will happen or not.

I may start looking for part-time now, maybe work it around the kids' schedule. It makes me sad because I really like being at home and available for them on one hand. On the other hand, I'd really like being in the world around more people.

Very disappointing, but we're hoping to get money out of things to pay for stuff.

Well, today involved a lot of driving. Mondays always do. The kids had swim lessons in the small city and then they had yoga in the bigger city.

I took LaDawn and her kids with us to yoga because she had to pick up x-rays and it was part of the car ride. She really enjoyed it. She thought it was good for the kids. She saw the value and that was kind of what I wanted. She didn't think she'd go every week, but she's planning on going again and I think it'd do her ADHD boy a world of good.

I remembered the jam and eggs for the instructor, but forgot my checkbook, which was embarrassing and aggravating.

It's been that kind of day.

Genny's apparently got a bladder infection because she has to pee "really bad" complete with squirming and freaking out every two seconds. We were thinking that was the issue a couple weeks ago, gave her a bunch of cranberry juice and she was better and today, she's worse than ever, claiming she has to pee really bad, but only able to pee 2 drops. We've got an appointment tomorrow around noon in the little city, which I'll drive to for Genny, after I've taken LaDawn to the bigger city to her orthopedist and to Walmart for copious grocery shopping. She's got an empty fridge.

I just feel bad because she's having to eat $200 for not working two days and I would be willing to help, but she's needed the down time, too.

I can't get over our kids. They never ever want to stop playing with each other. They saw each other over the weekend quite a bit, they spent the entire day together and they were scheming up ways to spend more time together. However, L.'s brother, who's kind of socially impaired called and invited her to Sizzler, which was so totally uncharacteristic of him that she elected to go, to the dismay of all 4 children, who pissed and moaned and tried to invite themselves alternately to dinner, our house, L's house, etc.

We reminded them that they'll see each other tomorrow, which they crabbed about, but then reluctantly accepted.

School will start soon. I keep reminding myself of that. School will start soon.

I slept like crap again, but I also spent half the night fretting about the financing and so forth. It sucked. A lot. Also, my nap during the day, had made my ability to sleep at night, limited.

We went to church today with LaDawn. I really enjoyed the service, but was hit hard by her appearance on crutches!

She tore a ligament in her right knee last night, so she can't drive. What that means to her is astounding -- lack of income, stress, etc. If her husband wasn't in Afghanistan, it'd be one thing, but man, what a mess. I'm going to drive her and the kids to the small city near us for swim lessons and take her to run errands, should she need to, including a run to her brand spanking new orthopedist. Her mom is worried about her, too. Russell was so worried about her and was kind of obsessively asking questions about was her daycare going to stay open, etc., and I simply told him to pray for her. She won't know until she speaks to the orthopedist, whether or not she needs surgery. Even if she doesn't, she's got a long time on crutches ahead of her and it's not pretty. Of course, it goes without saying that I'm worried sick about her, too.

Today, I took kids after church and let them play and then her mom picked them up, after L. woke up and we talked a bit, but her mom is old and has a hard time getting around herself. L. frequently drives her around!

Mike and I are discussing loaning her the van, so she can get around and offering a van swap. She can't fit into the back or front of her van with her leg fully extended and our van is bigger. Mike said that if the doctor gives her permission to drive, that he'd be okay with her driving the van. In the interim, we're willing to loan it to her as a means of having someone drive her around or for emergencies.

L. and I will discuss it tomorrow at swim lessons, but Mike and I are going to offer it with those contingencies because I can't see her being miserable for the next couple months.

--

I've got to start sewing. Genny's got school starting and I've got butt-tons of fabric and buying that kid clothes is just too damned expensive. I swear she's got the longest legs of any 5 year old I know. If I sew her clothes, I'm hoping I can make them long enough. Her shoulder size doesn't change tons, but her legs get longer and longer. I figure I can make her a size 7 with 6 inches of extra length, and I might have a chance of keeping her in it longer than a couple months at a time. Geesh!

I am kind of feeling like a slug. I don't even know why. My sugars were fine, but I think this long stressful week of sleeplessness finally caught up with me.

I napped for about 2 hours this afternoon, after only being up for a couple hours. I am still having trouble moving.

Well, I guess, it would be fair to guess, that I might be wildly depressed, too. Money is so stressful and the biopsy results are coming and I just have a bad feeling about them. I've also had mild cramping and things -- either from the procedure, my hormone pills, or just generally experiencing being a woman.

We're meeting with a new loan person on Tuesday evening. I suspect she'll be offering us much nicer loans. She explained to me how our type of loan is a bad idea for us. It was the explanation that the dumbass brokers had never bothered with. She also said that she could get us a loan at a decent percentage for the long term. It made me feel relieved. She also explained that the reason we were getting such a crappy offer from the current place is that they are a sub-prime lender not because our credit was bad.

It was very depressing overall to realize just how ignorant I'd been and how much shit I'd gone through to get such a crappy loan and the papers we nearly signed for yet another crappy loan. *sigh*

Yesterday morning, at about 4AM, I sat bolt upright in bed. I'd been praying for days for God to show me why I had misgivings. I'd been so caught up in dealing with the appraisal that I hadn't paid attention to the actual loan. I finally realized we'd be paying nearly $17K for a loan that gave us all of $50K more and nearly doubled our current payment. When I explained it like that to Mike, we both about passed out. I started making calls to get help and we did. I just felt rather stupid and ignorant afterwards, but thankful for the good results of prayer.

We both just know so little and I'm actually feeling more hopeful with the new gal. She's a recommendation from my Shaman realtor who helped us buy this house. I'm learning how to do this. I guess I just feel rather braindead. It probably doesn't help that I'm worried about the displasia stuff.

So, I'm really really tired and I'm not even sure why it just hit me now, but it did. I rolled out of bed about 945AM because LaDawn's son had left some stuff here on an abandoned overnight. Basically, everyone got to bed and he freaked out, called his mom and then left about midnight.

I just felt bad for the kid. It was his first try at an overnight and he was really excited. With severe ADHD, meds that frequently don't work well, and a severe lack of friends, this was a big deal to him. His mom said he kept saying he had had sooo much fun and yet, he didn't know quite what happened. I told her that Russell's best friend, Charles, at 12, still does that, too. She laughed.

Kids are so darned cute, but they suck the sleep out of you with super vacuum strength. Mike rolled up about 11 and then I asked him,"So, did we have sex last night, when I was asleep?" He said,"I wish." Then he proceeded to remind me that no, we did not have sex last night, but dude, we sure had some this morning.

Then we felt like particularly bad parents, so we took the kids to Denny's for brunch.

Thank god, they know how to make themselves cereal and get gogurt out of the fridge.

==

Mike's out in the back yard, looking at my handiwork with pinned tarp, the edging, etc. I suspect, I have more supervisory activities ahead.

Men! They possess brute strength, but are a little short on the "how to make things pretty" knowledge.

I still like him a lot because he's a gooooood kisser.

The appraisal came just shy of what we wanted by about $10K, so after all that effort, we're saying,"Aw, fuck it." And we're going to go ahead with it.

It's disturbing overall because I know I'd list it for nearly $40K more than it appraised for and we'd easily take $20-30 more than the appraisal cost.

It's okay though. We'll do this again next year and the landscaping will be done and the windows will be done and we'll make some progress on the kitchen, replacing the sink and stovetop fan. If I also tile the countertop myself, the only thing left will be the floor and I might be willing to slap that on the credit card just before the appraisal, and perhaps AFTER they pull my credit report, so that I can get it done, but not on my credit report.

Sneaky, I know.

__

Today, was my culposcopy. They biopsied my cervix. The doc said that the cells were easy to see, but the question is how developed they are. My hope is that I won't need to consider a hysterectomy for another year or so. I want to get the kids safely transitioned into their new school settings.

I don't want cancer -- no matter how slow growing it is.

This entry will be making loose and crazy with the word, "fuckerhead." You've been warned, but it is my favorite word for any person acting like an ass.

Okay, to be precise the appraiser used the neighbors of the hellhole as a comparable. He also used two houses on the busiest street in town, both of which do not have a view of the entire valley, nor sunken livingrooms, etc. But, ya know, I don't happen to live next to a hellhole or within three miles of that particular hellhole. If anything, our house would be one of the smaller and least landscaped, but we've got tons of animal fencing, fruit trees, and back yard irrigation. It was a rental and we're still catching up from that. We redid the master bath. We've replaced some of the fixtures in the kitchen - stove top and oven. The bathrooms got tiled. We're in the middle of replacing the lawn out back with xeriscaping and drip in order to preserve our well and to do something more sensible in that regard. We're also working on replacing little stuff, like the doors to the sink in the kids' bathroom. We're also mid-way towards replacing all the hollow seventies' doors throughout the entire house. We've got three of five to go, but we're making progress. We just installed nice curtains in our bedroom, too, to some degree because when it's hot we didn't want to moon passersby, but also because well, we were being appraised.

Our street is safe (relatively speaking) for the 5 year old to experiment with bikeriding, our house has an awesome view, it was remodeled before we moved in with wood trim throughout the house and wood slat blinds throughout the house, so I don't happen to think it's comparable to a house next to a shithole, nor comparable to two houses on the busiest street in town, also used as an alternative truck route for the major freeway we have here, so super busy during crappy weather.

I still can't believe I scrubbed floor and steamcleaned my freakin' carpet for the king of the lousy comparable. Not only did he have the gall to ask *me* for comps on the phone, but then he picked bad ones. My realtor came back with much better ones and ones much more in the range I was thinking, so we sent those to the Fuckerhead.

As a friend emailed me, he'd be great to appraise the house if I had to have it done for tax purposes!

I still think he's a stingy bastard and a fuckerhead. The fuckerhead's boss is going to review the comps tonight and let us know if they will be making any adjustments to the initial appraisal.

All I know, is that they damned well BETTER be. The comps start at $22K more than he appraised us and go to $55.5K more, which when averaged would bring us in at nearly $40K more than he appraised us at.

My hope is that we'll have a better appraisal by tomorrow and that we'll be closing on Friday. If not, pigs will be erupting out of my butt and we'll be scrambling like centipedes in sunlight to pay for things.

This is a cussing entry. If you don't like cussing or are too delicate to handle it, just go some place else or read one of my old entries that doesn't have this warning.

After all the fucking work we did on the house, the stupid fuckerhead appraiser appraised us using comparables of the most godforsaken pieces of shit houses in the entire valley. He selected one particularly lovely hellhole, which was a modular pink peeling paint house on foundation with a tattered nasty roof, completely surrounded with badly done chainlink for that comp and probably a third again the size of ours. Also far away from our neighborhood, so thus, NOT comparable to OUR house.

Did he select the house that was just down the road on the same street? Why no. The fucking moron did not do that. Did he take the worst comps he could possibly find and use those? Apparently, so. Did he select square footage for the worst houses in the whole valley? Why yes, he did.

I'm constructing a gallows in the back yard because I'm going to hang that stupid motherfucker until he's dead.

The bank was all ready to go with his crappy appraisal and I said: I. DON'T. THINK. SO.

Lowballing me at more than $30K below what is appropriate ain't gonna fly and heads will roll, if they try to make this penguin fly.

I'm going to kick some serious ass and if at the end, I'm not where we think we should be, I'm going to kick more ass and go with a different bank, even if that means I go back to work.

Fuck this.

Much like last year at about the same time, we did the Annual Blackberrying Extravaganza. Martha Stewart can't leave the grounds, per the conditions of her parole, but I am not currently on parole, so we left the grounds and headed to some of my favorite blackberrying patches.

We even found some new ones -- in the shade.

Tomorrow, I'll be canning berries til the cows come home. And stuffing them in my mouth at will.