I know. You're saying to yourself, "Oh, so you think you'll just come back here after ignoring us for months on end and stick in a blog." Yes, I think I will.

Grad school has been really hard on me, my family, and my marriage. I'm going to take what I absolutely have to take next semester, in order to keep my agreements and then, I'm going to work out, have fun with my children, and date my husband. Then, I am going to take off a couple years and spend it with my kids while they are still young enough to think I'm cool. Genny has mised me so much sometimes and she's just absolutely wiggly about seeing me whenever I have a long day.

Honestly, I just can't take it any more. I can't take the yearning I feel when I'm apart from the kids when I know I could be with them. There's also the fact that my husband does not seem to be able to help out a lot. In fact, the more stressed out I get, the more he seems to purposely step back and stop pitching in. I've screamed, ripped garments, torn my hair out, and nagged...A LOT...and it has made little impact. I'm going to have a friend come in next semester to help clean, so there will be less of that.

Mike's making enough money for me to become a stay-at-home mom and the guilt factor is killing me, not to mention the abject lack of self-care, exercise, etc., that grad school seems to imply. I'm at the point to where I am considering the gastric bypass surgery because I don't want to die from this stupid disease of diabetes and I'm not able to do what I need to do on a consistent basis over time to take care of myself. And to even think that surgery is the answer, is probably only demonstrative of my desperation. I just never seem to have time. I spend so much of my day engaged in someone else's needs -- whether it's the family budget, the kids' doctor's appointments, the medication pick up for the kids, the grocery shopping, cooking meals, cleaning house, or whatever -- that I do not find myself meeting my needs.

If I don't start meeting my needs, I'm going to have my legs cut off and be stuck in a wheelchair at my daughter's high school graduation. Maybe that's why this semester has been so horrible -- because I've been coming face-to-face with my needs and actually identifying them, and I've been feeling the pain of not having my needs met, too. I haven't worn a size this big for 6 years. I'm having to buy new clothes, so that I have SOMETHING to wear. All my pretty professional clothes are 2-3 sizes too small. That's just plain disheartening, you know?

Tomorrow, I'm going to come home early from work and relieve Mike from Sick Genny Duty. Genny had a fever of 102.8, so she can't really go to daycare and I've got to work, so Mike and I are splitting the duty.

So, there's a little teaser for ya.

Did you miss me? I sure missed you. Writing helps my sanity and I haven't been close to sane lately.